[[0031]] Day 8 of Self-Isolation

Good mental health day, good mental health day, good mental health day.

Day 8 (Today is actually okay, thank goodness)

Honestly, today has been a good mental health day, again, I half expected it, not full expected, but it is definitely one of the better days I have had.

It's a short and sweet blog today, no need for a mood sammich to make me feel better because I don't need to be made to feel better today. So, was is today better than all the other days?

1. Family are awesome, funds were donated, we don't need to stress for the rest of the week. I could not be more grateful. Like seriously, seeing something in my account last night hugely lifted the weight off my shoulders. Hugely.
2. We have used said funds from family to get food and drink to add variation to our day so we are not eating the same old thing which actually starts to depress me. Long story short, don't need to eat pasta tomorrow and I could not be more relieved. 
3. As said above, we managed to get some cheap tasty drink so I don't have to worry about running out of the squash and that the water filter cartridge needs replacing. Again, a silly thing, but a happy Queenie is a Queenie that enjoys what she is eating and drinking, and is eating and drinking because she has to.
4. We also managed to get some rizla and baccy so if I get stressed out when at home on my own tomorrow, it's okay because smoking genuinely makes me calm my tits down.
5. The other half had a day off work today so it meant I had someone to talk to throughout the day which was nice. Even when we were not talking, it was nice having someone about just in case I needed to say something to an adult.
6. I have done good and avoided as best I can, games that piss me off, which has proper lifted my mood. As well as playing Animal Crossing with my friends, ahhhh so much fun. 
7. And lastly, I finally have some bin bags so I can finally gut the bedroom and eventually, the rest of the house. 

So... it's been a good day. Family and the other half have helped a lot and honestly, I just don't know where I would be without them. We can actually survive until pay day now and not have the extra burden of worrying or stressing out. Should also reflect in my blood sugars tomorrow so I am looking forward to seeing the changes in them. Nonetheless, I hate that it took me asking for help (not for the first time) to make things less stressful and make me feel better. But, today really has been the better of the days so far, in so many ways, I just don't like that it is because we have some fundage to get food and baccy and drink and hypo stuff, like if there was a free way to lift my mood, I would love to know... but until then, I am happier, and I bet the other half is more than relieved about that one as well as I. 

I still expect my mental health to keep dipping progressively though, especially the longer I am inside. That being said, what with the rule to go out and do exercise, me and the other half are gonna take a walk out later to play a bit of Pokemon and do some more Genesect research before the challenge is over. I actually can't wait to see a bit more of outside than the mess of my back garden, cos well, terraced houses have the shittest back gardens. I think the other half is going to set up my switch for streaming tonight as well so I might finally get to stream on our main channel whilst he is at work, plus, Animal Crossing streams are the best right now, totally. 

Only two days left till the weekend and then Jake is home for the whole two days which again, is always lovely, especially as the dreaded virus is getting worse and the peak of those with it/dying because of it, is increasing. And I am already planning out things to do over the weekend, so I can keep up with keeping busy and essentially not give my head the chance to tear itself apart. 

Long story short, tomorrow won't be too horrendous and Friday should be okay too.

Alas, I think that is it for now.

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0018]] Week 7 Overview - Diabetic Mini MOT and a touch of partial burnout

I have decided that I am going to start naming these weekly overview posts with one line that ultimately sums up the week. It is appropriate, fitting and very much me. And thinking of whacky names for overview posts, how about like, a rating system for the week overall, after all, some weeks are good and some are just a total burn out... LOL.

I guess, to start with something semi-good for the week. I finally have all the new medication requested for me from the Doctor at the hospital clinic. Not that it is his fault it has been a long wait, I didn't know I needed to call up to push things along a bit quicker. The candesartan I already knew about as that got added to my prescription not long after my Toujeo insulin was, but I had no news on what I was getting to replace Duloxitine. Thankfully, I got a phone call from my Doctor booked and he put me back on mirtazapine straight away and gave me what he called a really good neuropathic medication which is pregabalin. Only downside of the latter is I have to take it twice a day instead of once so it's a whole new thing to remember to do in the evening, but I think I am getting one of those pill dispenser things with times of day and days of the week on soon to help me remember to take them all at the appropriate times. 

Good thing about the new neuro meds is that I no longer feel nauseous all the damn time, which is fantastic as that has been plaguing me since I started taking duloxitine last year; the worst was the sickness every time I ended up in stop-start traffic after work on the bus home, especially when inconsiderate people would glare at me for the weird noises I'd make to stop myself throwing up. I also feel my foot pins and needles less with these meds too, which is another bonus; it doesn't feel like I am clenching something with my toes on my bad foot anymore. Bad thing about the pregabalin is that for some reason, my balance is becoming somewhat off and I seem to drift a lot more than normal; I already have a cracking bruise on my arm from walking into the racking in my office. 

You're probably wondering what the tablets not in a box are, and these, my good friends and family, are the happy sleep pills I had before they were also replaced with the two in one duloxitine. EVERYONE who knows me, knows how badly my sleep has suffered without these, and in turn, my mental health, which has honestly felt like walking on the edge of a knife for the last couple of months. Sleep isn't enough to make me feel better, as are the tablets but they help me keep some kind of bare minimum control on my mental health when things get rough, which they major have been of late. I still feel down and depressed a lot and I am still overwhelmed by the sheer amount of control good diabetes management is seeming to have on my life, but I have my sleep back and I can deal with the world a little bit better now I have these antidepressants back... even if I run the chance of sleeping in my alarm because well, not slept properly in months till now!!!

You are probably wonder what I mean when I mention Diabetic Mini MOT? Well, I lovingly got this name idea from the gentleman doing the diabetic eye screening on Friday morning, after I told him that I had a dietitian appointment after the eye screening appointment.

I cannot tell you much about the eye screening other than look how massive my bloody pupils were after the eye drops... as you can guess, I had to leave work because my vision was all blurry. I'll get the results in a couple of weeks I believe but I know it will be signs of retinopathy, either the same as last time or worse since I can't remember the last time I had an eye screening appointment but I have been stresses as fuck since. 

I saw my dietitian though and was able to tell her the good news about my new long acting insulin and tablets (it was thanks to her that I contacted the hospital diabetes team about new medication last year) so she was happy to see that change at last. You may also remember the highs at lunch time that I mentioned about in other blog reviews and I have been asked to try and do a couple units extra as I may be one of the diabetics that need more in the morning, so let's see how that one goes next week!! 

I was able to admit to her that I was getting extremely overwhelmed with the amount of carb counting every tiny gram of carbohydrate in my food was giving me and that I was terrified to the point where sometimes I just wouldn't carb count or I'd binge eat and do whatever meds to cope. It is still getting to me now as I do not what the diabetes to rule every littler thing I do, and maybe I am wrong and its the demons in my head again, but I feel like having good diabetes is monitoring every little thing, acting towards every little thing, counting every little thing, medding for every little thing and I honestly cannot cope with that right now, it's really difficult. I am however being booked on a three day carb counting course, so fingers crossed, that can help stop making everything so overwhelming for me. 

Because trust me, I am shattered. I keep having to escape A LOT so I just don't think about the future and what will become of me. Which has meant I have started obsessing worse than ever, on the Pokémon games since the new HOME version came out on Switch and Mobile and I just can't stay off it. I want to fill the national dex somehow, and I think the other half is helping me to try and achieve that which is awesome... but yeah, I ended up caught for two days and a half  completing the original Pokémon Moon game as I thought I had finished the dex and had the shiny charm and I was going to hunt shinies to chill out, and then I realised I made a horrible mistake, the dex was not finished, I still needed Cosmog and Solgaleo but I had sent my Lunala to HOME so couldn't get it back to get Cosmog. Queue my panic and flapping as I remembered that GTS was going down on the old games as of the 24th Feb... so I had to run around and catch all the Tapu's on both Moon and Ultra Moon and use one to trade on GTS for Lunala which I used to get my Cosmog, then I put Lunala in the GTS to get SOlgaleo and then I forgot I did not have all the Ultra Beasts, just Nihilego... so queue frantically trading Solgaleo for the UK Buzzwole, followed by trading an UB exclusive from MOON for a UK exclusive from Sun and I thought I had got them all but didn't realise Necrozma was in this one... so had to go get him too. And don't forget spending a good 6 hours trying to evolve to get my Silvally for the dex. 

All in all, the stress was worth it and I know avoidance is not the answer to my mental health cheating me out of a break, but this obsessing is giving me the chill out I need to stop my brain from thinking about everything and more all the goddamn bloody time I am awake or trying to rest. That being said, me and the other half have a plan for making the most out of the shinies and rares in the games to the point we have a plan to get further dex's filled for the shiny charms to hunt shinies and increase our odds (this  actually helps me get to sleep quicker cos hunting is so therapeutically boring)... we also have a plan to reply games to get more shiny fodder and so on as well... so that will keep me occupied until I get my occupational therapy counselling appointment that I so desperately need |OMG! (Also, can we appreciate me being a sucker for exclusive limited edition consoles, what with the Sun and Moon sleek as fuck 3DS and my Let's GO Pikachu and Eevee switch? They also make me happy, oops).

Also on the positive front... FAMILY TIME!!! Honestly, I do have the best siblings!!! Got to speak to Lola on the phone this week and as usual, I love my little mini more more and more each time I see her! I have also been informed she loves Panda's now so means I finally have a plan to get her something nice for her new bedroom, maybe some cushions and blankets or picture or all of the above!!!

It was also my step-brother's birthday this weekend too... little Wyatt is now three years old!!! We got him some cute gifts from The Natural History Museum when we went to London, and OMG he loved the lil Triceratops we bought for him and even asked to have it to take to bed with him too OMG so cute I cannot even ❤️❤️❤️

Can't forget Milo either... such a good brother OMG He actually came round again on Wednesday when Jake was at work and bought some amazing home made curry for us to have in wraps for lunch, he also bought some crisps and tasty drink which I so bloody needed what with being strapped for cash till pay day on Thursday!!! Cannot wait to see what amazing foods he will make next and obvs, cannot appreciate enough him coming over on Wednesday so I don't go bloody insane and depressed in the house on my own whilst Jake is at work so long. 

OH CHEESE!!! Last thing... my bestie Josh is so amazing. So so so amazing. We had a big chat about diabetes and the kidney stuff and he proper cheered my up and I honestly love how having a serious conversation with him inadvertently turns into discussing random things about said serious things, for example, ways to cook potatoes to remove the potassium (in case I cannot have potatoes as much anymore further down the line) because there has to be a way to have roast potatoes and mash with a roast dinner dammit! ALSO, he was so lovely and made it possible for me to buy some cheese and crisps, things I don't need to med for, and also after I had a mini freak out that the cheap mature chedder I had to buy was well... more orange like red leicester than mature chedder... thanks to Josh, I got some proper stuff, extra mature Cathedral City cheese and omg, heaven... so much heaven everywhere, my taste buds are invigorated and happy and full of tasty cheese goodness (also look at the pic of the two cheeses... since when was mature cheddar orangy?) I don't actually know where I would be without Josh sometimes... he always knows the right things to say, knows I love honesty even i it stings, knows how to make me laugh and smile... and our little chat and the purchasing of decent cheese has honestly helped the crap storm of a week whirling around in my head.

Well, you may be wondering why there are no blood results to show. There is, I just don't like any of them at the moment so I couldn't face posting them up. Instead, I shall give you a picture of my cat Vincent giving me a big snuggle, who I love so much and I shall leave this here until next week. 

This weeks rating:⭐⭐☆☆☆

Bye everyone!!!

[[0009]] Week 3 Overview

Well, I can safely say this week has been a lot kinder, thank goodness!!!

This weeks blood results chart.

I shall start with the weekly blood tests first, get the nitty gritty of the diabetes part out the way to explain the rest of the week!

The one big thing that I notice here is... WAY LESS HYPOS HALLELUJAH! There have been a couple but they have been a little simpler to deal with. And luckily for most of them, I had something at home for them (except last nights, where I had to resort to golden syrup on a spoon and some not so tasty out of fate mini marshmallows😫).

Week 2 was rife with hypos, but I received some tips from a diabetes group on FB about drinking something like milk before bed to help stop sugars dropping in the night, alas, only had hypo drink so I had a couple of sips of that and it helped with a couple of night time hypos (as you can see, I hypoed last night as nothing sugary for me to have before bed!!!). It's actually pay day tomorrow so I am planning on buying some milkshake powder and milk and plan on having either warm milk before bed or a milkshake, and hopefully that will help me stop having night hypos, so watch this space!

I have had a few more hi results but, these don't alarm me too much because the amount of his I am having nowadays is a lot less than last year, which is a massive relief. This means I am getting some kind of diabetic control back in my life. Its ridiculous as I have had the condition for 27 years and cannot remember a day without it but yet it has taken me all this time to get some kind of good results. Better late than never is what I keep telling myself, but... some damage has already been done, sadly. 

Me and my lil mini me.

All in all, it has actually been a pretty okay week. I got to spend a lot of time with my youngest sister Lola and her dad this weekend which has been absolutely lovely and has brought sooooo many smiles to my face! They recently moved to their new home which I am so honestly thrilled about, and I got the joy of making up some of their furniture (which is one of my super secret loves haha, give me flat pack any day friends!!!). It's just so amazing to see two lovely people so happy and just, omg, my face hurts from smiling so much. Plus OMGOSH Lola has some AMAZING toys that I so wish they made when I was younger, like this super cute modern little kids kitchen, which is all smart and silver and black and just WOW, love it! 

Honestly, my little sister Lola-Lollipop means the absolute WORLD to me. She asks questions about me having diabetes and I love explaining it all to her. This weekend I was telling her about all the cool food I can eat that I don't have to medicate for, as her dad bought us Peperamis to snack on and I learnt this week at work that they have no carbs in therefore, new snack I don't have to med for! SO AWESOME! Not only that, but, I love how smart and clever Lola is, and she honestly reminds me of me when I was a kid... heck, she even looks like I did when I was little which is so creepy scary cos we may have the same mom, but different dads! Love her so so so much and I am so so so so happy I got to spend the weekend helping her and her dad in there lovely and beautiful new home. It's so good to see her happy and smiling, and knowing she is happy and smiling makes me feel so super happy too 💓💛💚💙💜

Fortnite streaming shenanigans.

In other news, streaming is getting better and better! I had some salary sacrifice left over from work, so decided to use it to get me and Jakey McBooty a capture card for streaming and OMG it makes such a difference to our streams and I absolutely love it! We still aren't the most professional, but we are having so much fun with everything related to it and its helping me come closer to doing one of my three dreams, which is streaming Pokémon games! (And maybe Animal Crossing and Final Fantasy too!!!) I don't know when I am going to start streaming from my own channel as of yet as need to set up things with stream labs and work out streaming and audio from my switch but needless to say, this capture card is an absolute game changer and a half!!! Also got to stream with my lovely friend Pete and his daughter as well (who I have been informed is pretty damn good on Fortnite) and my brother hopped on as well... so much fun! Roll on future streaming days! 

We've been planning some illustrations as well as future things to stream as well, one being a couple night on Valentine's day with a lovely take out and drinks and potentially trying out Minecraft for the first time! Honestly, everything is so super exciting right now, I'm so happy!

Super Insulin Pen, the Super Hero of
Team Super Insulin.

Also this week, well, today actually, I applied to be a social media ambassador for my favourite charity, JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Fund). You'll see me talk about them quite a bit if I am honest, I love the work they do (and one of the taglines in the application thanks was "help make type one, type none!"and I love it. We fundraised for them for their Game2Give campaign last year in which we raised £200 for the charity, and we should be at least be doing that twice more this year as well (it's going to be awesome now we have a better streaming set up!!!). But no, it's something I have thought about doing for a while, what with writing this blog now, along with the fundraising in the past (altogether we've raised about £320ish altogether) and then my dissertation in which I made kid friendly leaflets explaining what T1D is and so on... using social media to help promote awareness for T1D research and finding a cure is something I just had to do. Which leads on to my second dream in which I would love to work more for Type 1 Diabetes, whether it remains social media and writing, to fundraising, talking to people and educating and so on... its something I need to do. Plus, once my health and medication is sorted out, I may look into becoming a community support ambassador for JDRF, attending events and liaising with others, raising more awareness and so forth. I'm so so happy I took this leap and I look forward to writing about future developments, and who knows, I might be able to get my diabetes illustrations to a bigger audience in the future! 

Bob and Betty,
the insulin producing
Beta cells of the pancreas.

My one last dream is to write a book of my life, or a screenplay, called "Ordinary World?"... maybe I will apply for that masters in creative writing and publishing... one step at a time though, I don't want to overwhelm myself!!!

So, next week doesn't look too bad... although I have my first ever appointment with the diabetes team at my local hospital on Tuesday which I am a little bit terrified about. I have not seen a diabetes team there in YEARS, for the sheer fact I hated going, hated how I was spoke to as a kid and just... I don't even know, I hated going. I have accepted it now though and for the sake of my future and mine and Jake's future, I do need to go. But I have so much I need to tell the doctor about... and not only that, this doctor doesn't know me like my nurses at my surgery do, he doesn't know my history and why my diabetes has been a trash show all these years... so for the love of all that is holy, I hope they understand because I don't want to be terrified of going again. I also know that I'll be doing one of my old favourite jobs on Friday at work, but I haven't done it since I went in to hospital last year, and I currently don't know how my foot or my nausea will cope with it... so... long story short, next week will either be absolutely fantastic, or horrible as hell.

As always, watch this space! And thank you to my new followers and for those who have read my blog! I noticed my more informative post about cold and diabetes has done really well, so I think I am going to try and do another informative post this week, maybe even explain how T1D happens with my old trusty illustrations!!!

Laters lovely people 💙 And thank you so much for sticking by me too.