[[0061]] For once in my life, my Mental Health is on point.

I actually have lost count of the days I have been "shielding" at home, which I can now say is exactly what I have been doing the entirety of this time away from the real world, ie, my lack of social life, seeing family and my job. But yes, I am actually shielding, especially from my job. I actually had a my assessment with Occy Health today which was daunting but the questions were better this time, and I did get moved from stage 1 to 2, but as I now know I can't wear PPE due to a breathing issue related to my kidneys which is STILL awaiting further investigation, I am still shielding from my job from here on out, so I am remaining stage 1 until I have at least seen renal. Which is a pressure off my mind with lock down releasing. But the diabetes and renal stuff is for another day.

However, I wanted to make this post about two things, which can be linked both together and apart.

Firstly, I'll be making some additions to my blog to show support for Pride and the LGBTQ+ community as it is Pride Month this June.

Secondly, mental health shizzle. Because yes, this is a diabetes and mental health related blog, however, mental health has been a crazy factor in my life, especially with my diabetes. 

So, for pride, I am adding some cute graphics I made for our streaming channel. I am bi myself, and I may not have had any kind of coming-out story as such, it kinda was like, just there (was told it would be a phase and that is probably the only bad thing I guess), I know it has not been so easy for many of my friends. So, if I can show my support with this blog, I can. This is the graphic I made for our overlays for our mixer channel, which we are gonna use for the whole month, so I am adding it to my block and it will sit here, forever. I'd like to think that my blog is a safe place, it's my safe place anyway because sometimes, I need to be able to just let off steam about my condition/s when I don't know where else to turn.

Anyway, as I said, I had no coming out story. I'm bi, that's that and bar being told it was a phase and proving peeps wrong, I just want peeps to know, that I am here and I am a safe place, if ever you need one!

But for the biggest matter at hand, and the name of this blog, it's time for the mental health low down. And honestly? My mental health is actually great. Which is funny when you think about it, and how I started this whole lock down, self-iso stuff... where I thought I was gonna feel lonely and that I would hate it and yes, at times, I have hated it, but... the last month or so, heck, 28 days since I wrote my last blog post, everything has been okay?

How do I know this?

1. I've been sleeping alright (considering the heat and the sudden random days I get nausea in the morning).
2. I'm managing my food quite well, and have just about managed to stick to 1500cals a day, thus, I have hardly been snacking, which is amazing. 
3. I have found ways to deal with my mental health, even if I found said things accidentally, but I feel great after well, the random ways I got to deal with things so that's a bonus. 
4. I don't feel the need to brighten my day with an advent calendar door each mornign anymore (sometimes, I forget to even open a door).
5. I'm finding things to do and keep me busy, thus only sitting down to do nothing if I am out of breath or tired cos of my conditions. 

There are probably some other things, I have no doubt. But, that's what I can think of at the moment... it's these things that are telling me that I am actually DOING OKAY. And considering my life has always been many shades of grey and an absolute mess, I can finally say I am realising a few things and slowly heading out on to a winner. 

I will admit, a lot of things have changed of late, namely, the live-streaming we do on mixer (Mixer Channel, Queen and McBooty. I think I have mentioned that I bought a chromebook on finance, mainly to do arts n stuff and even though it is a massive investment, it's paying off itself. In many ways. The main one being the fact I can do digital artwork now, which is awesome (after I have hated it for so long) but it's also helped us kick back into live-streaming games again, which is one of the main and massive reasons my mental health has improved.

It seems like a crazy little thing, just, talking. But talking to the game or people in the chat, knowing that someone, somewhere is listening, just makes me feel a lot less alone and vulnerable in my own head. Again, it's so silly, but I've streamed a few games now and the other half has been streaming a bit too, and we are slowly watching this small idea of live-streaming games, growing into something that could in a way, benefit me in the future. Okay, it's not the answer to our financial woes, but, if we continue to grow, it's an opportunity that one day, I can sit back once the pandemic is all over and maybe work less to help increase the control I have over the stress that seems to kill my diabetes. But, it's something.

And not only that, I am arting more, designing logos and chibis for streamers, I've designed our own graphics and overlays n stuff as well and I could continue to do this as I enjoy it quite a bit. It could be another stress free way to help deal with the stress that does bother my diabetes so much. 

It's all dreams, but they are dreams that could potentially become a reality some day. I mean, we have grown by 150 followers in a month, we've hit the ember goal last month and this month already, we have peeps tuning in to our streams regularly and merch is selling too (and damn, I love designing merch). It's a long way off, but I hope that me and the other half will be able to maybe one day reach the goal of partnership with mixer, maybe become affiliates with some big brands in the future too... I dunno, it's a long way off and bar waiting for a PhD with my fave supervisor or maybe doing a creative writing masters, I honestly feel like I have some things to look forward to in my life now, which is shocking considering the world is an absolute cock-womble of a mess right now.

I'm sure I'll ramble about our streaming escapades in the future, but I just wanted everyone to know I am actually okay!

Anyway, I'm still around, and I will go back to the diabetes posts and info shizzle soon! Have some plans for more art posts as well, so I can show you guys some stuff I have been working on (and I might set up a Fiverr account, who knows!) I'm hoping I hear back from JDRF soon too about social media shizzle plans. Either way... 

Stay safe everyone! 

[[0060]] Day 51 of Self-Isolation (The outside world is WEIRD)

Day 51 (and I guess 50 as well as this is a two for one)

Evening everyone!

Queenie calling in after another interesting couple of days in the diabetes world. Oh boy, it's been another emotional roller coaster that yet again, I did not sign up for.

It's been... interesting... and it shows me how much my diabetes is affected by my emotions and so on because jeez, my bloods react to ANYTHING when it comes to emotions and it is honestly frustrating as hell. 

So, guess I should explain what has been happening?

I had to have my kidney blood tests again to see if the eGFR (kidney function) was stabilised or slightly improved with the 4mg blood pressure tablets. Seems simple, ya know, one vial of blood? HA nope. Not at all. (I believe I mentioned I would be going out for bloods in my last type 1 diabetes post yesterday).

So, I wrapped up warm, I drank about a litre and a half of water at home yesterday before heading out and had breakfast as well and everything was fine. Like, got to the doctors and only had ten mins to wait for my appt and yeah, everything was absolutely fine. Went in, felt hydrated and warm... all was good. 

And then the bad thing happened. What is the bad thing? My blood said NO. My veins were a fat (technically they're tiny but you get the idea) NO. even my hands and wrists said NO which is funny cos can usually get it out my wrists.

So what happened? Well, I was in the room for 45 minutes, and the lovely nurse tried a good three times and couldn't get the blood, we even warmed my hands under boiling water, as well as holding a glove full of water and the blood just would not happen. So, she called in a lovely guy named Ian (he's like a doctor but not I think) and he gave it a go, a solid three times, and nothing. He even went for my wrist and that didn't work. Ian came up with an idea of maybe drinking and hydrating more then trying again in 20mins, so, I went and sat in the waiting room for 20mins, drank 9 cups of water, which I think equates to another litre and a half of water, maybe more. There was a guy in the waiting room, bless him, who should have been seen at 9:10am but wasn't seen until half past because of me so I obviously apologised profusely haha! I get called back in... the nurse tries twice again and nothing... and one of my other fave nurses, Carol, came in and she tried and just nope. Prodded nine time with needles in one day and I was totally done. I think they could see I was so damn frustrated about it all plus I don't wanna go to the hospital for bloods at the moment so I know they did everything they could. I think I was just major mad at myself for my body just being an ass.

I think I have written about this before tbh. I have always had a bit of a problem with having blood tests and have done for the last couple of years, maybe a bit longer, maybe like 8 years? And I always joke that I should not be diabetic cause I can't seem to handle a simple blood test. I think it just largely upsets me (hence my facebook rant about it yesterday) because I do honestly try so hard before my blood tests, by drinking loads, wrapping up warm and like, exercising my hands and arm to get the blood running but... it just never seems to work. The only thing that does work is this one woman at the hospital in haematology, I don't know her name, but she can always get it out of me and normally it's around 3 or 4pm... but no way am I waiting in haem right now, no way. 

I got home anyway, and I just felt terrible. I think I went into shock as well after being stabbed by so many needles (which is hilarious because I don't mind blood tests in the slightest, the colour of blood to me is fascinating) but like, my bloods shot up, I went kinda clammy and I think I just went to bed because I was honestly just so done with everything for that one day.

The nurse booked me to come in today, well, double booked me with my other two favourite nurses, Carrie and Gina whom I absolutely love so much. (Turns out we should have waited a week but oh well). Carol also said, doesn't matter how sunny it is, layer up loads and drink even more... so, that is what I did today, as well as some exercise on Just Dance beforehand.

So the first two pics haha! So I went to the surgery yesterday in a tee and a fluffy hoodie... and today? It was a tee, a hoodie and my fluffy coat for seeing Skindred. And some thermal socks and my super warm trainers. I. WAS. BOILING. Like so bloody boiling, I was sweating and I could smell myself, it was absolutely grim. Thankfully, I didn't go through the waiting room this time... which I will explain.

I got to the surgery an hour and ten early today... because the buses are crazy right now. Usually the number 1 is every half an hour but it is now it's one every 45mins, then 1hr 15mins... so I either got to the surgery an hour and ten early or ten mins late... so I went early. Figured, there is a bench behind the surgery on some grass so I could grab some lunch and more water and just wait till I needed to be seen... but I actually bumped in to one of my nurses, Gina, and she said if Carrie was free, they would try and get me in earlier. They didn't disappoint either, I was in at dead on 1pm instead of 1:30pm! Carrie came out in her PPE finery and called me in through one of the back entrances to the surgery, queue both nurses giggling as I said I had never been in the back way before haha!

Speaking of going in the surgery... it was weird yesterday. Like, the buses are still observing their protocols that I mentioned on day 16 of self-isolation. But I hadn't seen my surgery until yesterday. They've moved two rows of chairs in the waiting room, you can't really talk to the people on reception unless you hover for a bit and you have to ring a bell to get access to inside providing you have an appointment as well. Everyone is in masks n stuff and yeah, it's both weird but cool how my surgery has adapted to the big virus. But yeah, today I went through the back way, well, through a fire exit that went into like a sink, cleaning nurse station thing into the nurses room haha, I felt so naughty haha!!

I did think things were going to fail. Carrie managed to draw blood but the blood wouldn't do what it was meant to do and go down the tube/into the syringe. She tried three times though, and ended up calling in Gina to have a go. We had all been laughing and joking about the whole thing anyway, just because my body is an arsehole and why is there no like rules for being diabetic of which one should be being able to have a blood test nice and easily with decent veins haha!!!

Thankfully, Gina had a feel and got it first try, and OMG I was so happy I could have cried. She managed a decent vial as well which was a bonus too.

She did say a few things though... as I have always been curious as to why my bloods have got worse over the years. And honestly, no-one really knows. But, it was an issue my gran had but no-one else in my family so could maybe be investigated if it continues to be an issue. ANYWAY, we agreed that next time, they should wait a week to do more bloods so that my veins have time to recover from being poked so many times, which I can see where she was coming from because I feel that Carrie would have got the blood first time had my right arm not been stabbed to death yesterday. Like the blood was there, but my veins supposedly have this ability to collapse/close up when a needle appears, which you can imagine, is frustrating as hell. It could also be potentially kidney related, what with the microvascular system being very closely related to kidney health and function... so the best and only thing that can be done is to wait till the afternoon for bloods at my surgery and also to drink wayyyyy too much. (Also, my blood is far too thick for a solid 3-4 hours after waking up, which with small veins, is a problem).

Anyway, they got the blood. I was happy. I have not felt this good in a while. And hopefully, its the last of the needing bloods for at least a month and half, well, June sometime, whenever my next renal appt is. I won't lie, I crashed for four hours, so maybe the onslaught on my veins does actually make me feel not okay even if I don't mind the blood tests themselves... but either way, it is blood damn well done, finally (lol). 

So yeah, emotional roller coaster. Thank God for my mental health calendar, the fact the coop in BBH had one box of my fave monster and well, my anti-depressants. I do feel like I could have been so much worse, but lately, I seem to have this uncanny ability to bounce back after a few hours, which I never used to be able to do. It makes me wonder if it is because I am not at work and stressed out therefore I am actually focusing more on myself and my needs and well, learning about how I work, I don't know. I feel like yesterday should have broken me and if I am honest, if they hadn't got the blood out today, I think that probably would have broken me as well, but it all worked out in the end so thank God we didn't have to wait and find out if I was gonna freak out. Either way, I still think this is the best my mental health and diabetes has been for years. Maybe I am meant to be an at home kind of work person? I don't really know.

It's given me stuff to think about anyway.

Before I sign off, I want to show you a ring that my amazing keyworking other half got for me cause of, well, all the stuff going on at the moment. 

"Keep (fucking) going."

Never have truer words been said.

That is it from me tonight! Time to share the heck out of this blog and get that view count up again!!! One day I will get adsense on this account, ONE DAY!

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0059]] Day 49 of Self-Isolation (It's a diabetes post today!)

Day 49 (I still don't know when this will be over)

So, I figured I would make this post more diabetes related, as I have not spoken about the main reason I set up this blog, for the longest of time (T1D looks like me) and figured it was time to pay a little more focus to that for a change, instead of writing about keeping myself sane throughout this pandemic.

For all intents and purposes, I look like I am doing well and if I am honest, I do think I am doing okay. The mental health advent calendar has been working wonders, and I do get excited about what is behind those little doors. The new marvel one is also absolutely awesome and adorable and I cannot wait to find a cute little unit for each little figure (and maybe accidentally buy a Harry Potter one... maybe). 

I may not be helping out at work for reasons (my health is a living mess) but, my Skindred Support the NHS and Keyworkers tee arrived yesterday and I am loving it and I urge any of you who also want to help the NHS and whom love Skindred, to go and order one too in the link above! We actually wore them on our live stream last night and intend on wearing them again for more streaming shizzle and we have both decided that we are totally gonna rock these at the Skindred gig at the Showground in October (just waiting on our spiky sunglasses and my fluffy black coat to arrive).

But, we need to talk diabetes... because, like I always, I seem to be brushing it under yet another carpet, like I have done the vast majority of my life since being diagnosed with it. I don't mean to, but I have grown up with this mentality that everyone else's health and problems are bigger than my own and it has honestly taken me a long time to start saying no as well as cutting off the toxic and slowly, my control is getting a little better. The damage has been done though, after years of neglecting myself and focusing on family and so on, so now it's just making sure I preserve what I have left.

I won't get all down and meh about that now though... because I want to speak about things I am doing to help make my diabetic life easier.

Since last year, I have been put on more and more medication, and I have always struggled to keep on top of it... like I was fine when it was just my insulin and a single Mirtazapine each night, but then that got changed to a med I did not get along with for depression and neuropathy, so I got switched back to mirtazapine and put on a new med I had to take twice daily, so that is over twice the daily amount of tablets I had to take. Throw in the 4mg Candesartan and an antihistimine and that is it, my brain is fried and I often forget to take one or two of the meds. It's not horrendous if I miss the neuro meds or Candesartan but if I am to preserve what I have left... I need to take them and be pro-active about it, but I am just so damn forgetful.

So, last weekend, I made the decision to do something about this. I should have done it sooner, but I didn't want any connotations in regards to my age or ought so I didn't do it. I just didn't wanna seem any older then I really am and the thing I wanted to get is normally associated with old people. So I figured, if I am going to do this, I wanna do it in style... and I'd like to think I have.

What did I do?

I bought one of those tablet organisers, to put all my tablets into and well, in colour coded, Queenie fashion.

I won't lie, I was really picky with what I chose. Like, I didn't want a clear one, colourful was best, had to split the day into three instead of AM/PM or four times a day, and a case was bonus, so I could well, hide what it is... and well, it's cool.

I think this was £9 on Amazon in the end, and it was worth it because I am happy with it and I have so far remembered to take my tablets for today, amazing! And I would like to think that it doesn't make me look old... plus, rainbow... I am bi as the well, bi could be, this works for me... and all the NHS support right now, I had to (and honestly, I'm not really for clear or clinical colours these things tend to come in). The case is a bonus, but means I can just sling it in my bag when I go back to work, so practical too and shouldn't lose the little pots in my bag either. 

Yes, I arranged my tablets straight away, but eeeeee, that's Wednesday ready to go tomorrow! If you want one of these, you can find them over on this link to Amazon. 

Of course, it is early days yet, and whether I remember to order my meds so I don't run out let alone remember to get them out the pouch is well, to be seen, but, I honestly feel it is going to help me remember to take them and in doing so, will help preserve the feeling in my bad foot as well as my kidney issues.

Speaking of preserving kidney function, I have an appointment at my doctor's tomorrow for more bloods and a blood pressure test... the bloods to well, check my kidney function and the blood pressure test as mine has been running way too high for a while now, and well, kidneys and blood pressure are very much related to one another; if the blood pressure is normal, it will help in preserving my kidney function. I should get the results for them early next week either way so fingers crossed please! These tests have been nothing but bad news for me this year.

Well, that is it for my little diabetes win for today. Now to get back to being healthy, exercising more and doing what I can to be healthy and lose a bit of weight while I am stuck here.

Stay safe everyone,

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0045]] Day 22 of Self-Isolation

Honestly, the best day I have had so far whilst being away from work and the Big V. Like seriously, I have had an AMAZING day and I just... I cannot believe it. There is some hope for me and the diabetes after all... providing I can keep this up.

Day 22 (Week 4 begins... and what a week it has been so far!!!)

Good evening friends, I come to you feeling the best I have felt in... well, since forever cos I honestly can't remember the last time I had a bloody fantastic day, other than seeing bands and meeting the other half and all that jazz. 

That aside... today was day 1 of my mental health calendar!!! And it was a BIG door as well, which was so damn cool cos OMG cute socks are cute!!! 

And they were those like, I don't know what you call them but they are all squished up and you have to put them in water to expand them. And I had to do that straight away! I was too excited!!!

I had a doll of some description when I was younger that had clothes you had to put in warm water to expand and it reminded me of doing that in a sink in the bathroom of a flat we lived in in London when I was about 4 years old haha! 

It's a simple thing, but it made me so happy. Also helps that I have recently had to chuck a couple of pairs of my Harry Potter socks due to holes so this is a nice replacement for them! I am so excited to see what tomorrows door brings! I am also really happy that, okay it is only day 1, my mental health idea seems to be working. I feel like it has truly set me up for a good day in so many ways. It's going to be so great to have a reason to be excited in the morning when I wake up!!

So, that put me in a fab mood for the day, and it has shown in the amount I have pushed myself this afternoon in sorting my house out!!! (When I eventually got off Animal Crossing cos I am so totally designing a Hizaki Holy Grail dress on there atm).

My book corner is finally starting to come together!!!

Okay, it is a LONG way off and I still have some furniture to either bring down or chuck out but, the biggest shelves are moved and once the table is moved, the last book shelf can be put in!!! Plus, still can't believe it, but the slimmer shelf unit actually fits next to the big one, which I am soooo happy about because its going to make that corner look so much cleaner when all the books have been reorganised and plonked in there.

This room has been pretty tough going, considering, when I was cleaning upstairs, stuff from spare room that didn't belong in there when in the office, then stuff from music room that didn't belong in there then also, went into the office. Which was why it was so damn crammed. But since putting stuff under the stairs and shifting bags around, I have finally been able to start dealing with the furniture in here which is a relief because once all that is in, I can finally go through all the bags of stuff that got bagged up from when we thought we were going to flood, and put everything away. So it is coming together slowly, and hopefully will be finished at the weekend at long damn last. I cannot wait, I seriously can't. Bar decorating, the house is going to be so much better and that in itself, is gonna help my mental health a lot. 

OH YEAH, at this point in time of writing, the last load of washing is finally in the machine and in a couple of hours it will pass through the dryer and FINALLY, all our clothes will actually be clean. Little victories and all that!!

But obviously more must have happened to make this day one of the better days that I have had. May I show you this graph and these stats. And please, be wowed, they look boring, but they are AMAZING.

For the first time since God knows when, my blood sugars are ALL in range. As in, nothing over 8mmol/L. Nothing. The highest was 6.8 before dinner, the lowest was 3.3 which I monitored closely and didn't binge eat to fix the hypo and got my bloods up to 6.8 before my lunch. Nonetheless, the effort I made last night when I ate junk food actually paid off, I think I finally have my long acting dose correct and I think that I have finally nailed carb counting!!! But I'll know for certain later tonight providing I have done enough fast acting for my dinner.

Either way, I am so happy. These are days I need to be having with my bloods more often, if not every day! I know it is partially because my mental health is in a good place at the moment, because my bloods hugely fluctuate depending on my mood and so on, but, this is the first step towards better controlled diabetes!!! 

It does bum me out a bit that it has taken me being off work to get to this point, what with having more time to focus on the carb counting and maths and correction doses and stuff, but, if I can keep this up, hopefully it can translate into my work when I go back. Which is another point as well, this pandemic might be ruining so damn many things, but, it is helping me and my diabetes a lot... silver linings and all that.

Well, I have an office to finish de-moulding, sealing and well, whatever else haha. Keeping busy is a good thing after all.

It is the birthday tomorrow. I'm okay, I think, that it won't be 100% what I had hoped for. And it is just another day. I'm going to be 31 and I need to be adult about everything, even if I want to sulk and stamp my feet like a bratty, crappy child. Okay, so I can't go shopping in Notts/P'boro like originally planned, and I don't know if I'll get the cake I wanted, I won't be seeing my friends or family or my fave band next week and I won't be doing fun things like Natural History Museum or the theatre or Harry Potter Studios... but, I keep reminding myself, there is always next year. I will just have the break I need so badly next year, I just have to wait a little longer. Needless to say, I don't want to wait and I do want it now, but... I can't change anything, it is what it is and nothing can be done about it.

So, on that note, I am going to sign off and do some stuff.

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0043]] Day 20 of Self-Isolation

One thing I have learnt today... I cannot do half as much as I was able to do last year and that is actually devastating.

Day 20 (I am not as capable as I once was...)

Evening everyone. And here we are, day 20, nearly 3 weeks! And still counting, God knows how long this is going to go on but I know that I still do not feel safe if I am out of the house. I never received a letter, even though my doctor's surgery said I would and that if I didn't, then apply for one but I can't cos I am not extremely vulnerable, I am just high-risk, well, I'm smack in the middle of higher risk and vulnerable and it is actually frustrating being in this weird grey area. What is worse, I can't ask my GP about this as they are not accepting any calls about covid-19, so what am I to do?

Well, social distance to the best of my ability which... I can only do while I am at home.

So that is that really. If it comes to it and work contacts me about returning whilst this is still happening, I am going to get hold of the doctor's regardless because I don't know what else I can do. However, it is not a problem at the moment and I am safe at home.

I got a little bored last night and well, two of the three refunds went in today so knowing this, I thought screw it, lets check some sales and found this little cutie of a bag. SO not me. SO bloody cute. Couldn't say no and was a decent price as well. And, it'll arrive on my birthday as well. I absolutely love unicorns so this is perfect for brightening up my all black emo-as-fuck outfits and will look fab with my new shoes. As well as the unicorn massive hoodie I got for Christmas from the other half's family too. 

You gotta treat yourself. 

Heck, I won't be going anywhere for my birthday and I fully intend on wearing this with my new docs whilst in my PJs, pretending I am going out for food when instead I will hopefully be having a take out. Birthday goals yo.

Speaking of staying home, more organising today! The biggest and baddest room of them all. The office. I thought the other rooms were hard but it turns out, I was horribly mistaken and moving everything to the office to sort out upstairs and under the stairs was not the best idea, even if, in the grand scheme of things, it was the only idea that was gonna work. But now I have hit a brick wall and need the other halfs help because I managed to move the new upstairs bookcase to a new wall to fit the sofa in, but now the sofa needs to go up, then the chest and drawers and shelf unit need to come down (okay, I can move those myself, just not the sofa) or the latter two pieces of furniture will have to stay upstairs until I move the old furniture to the skip pile then move everything in place and finally put away and organise things. Yeah, conundrum. What do? 

This is what is getting me down today though, the fact that I can't do half as much as I once was able to do. I used to move loads of heavy furniture round my room when I got bored and felt like I needed a change, I used to be able to spend hours lugging up and down, heavy stuff like under the stairs alas... not anymore. I had to keep sitting down and taking breaks because I kept getting out of breath cos of my bloody kidneys and it is honestly driving me up the wall as well as upsets me. I just want to function normally again but no one is giving me any ways to well, make myself somewhat better and able to do this. Heck, it even gets to me at work... I used to be able to push a lug heavy boxes and cages but I move one or two and then I am totally done.

There is not a lot I can do about it. I just have to keep doing what I can when I can, and try to not let things get to me. But when I am cooped up at home keeping safe and on my own, sometimes I do get a little sad about how I am now and what my conditions are like and that I am no longer the person who I was. It really does get to me, and a lot of the time, especially at work, I laugh it off and speak about things as blunt and honestly as I can but that, I know, is just a barrier and the crap I laugh at myself about is the crap that gets to me the most.

Mental health is a bitch. And I know mine is currently very fragile, which is why I am trying to keep busy. I know that will only last so long.

Any way, need to play some Animal Crossing before the other half is home to help me move a sofa. Then back to the grind tomorrow.

Regardless, I hope you are all safe and well.

Over and out, mes amigos. 

[[0040]] Day 17 of Self-Isolation

It's a bad mental health day today. I think not seeing actual people is starting to take its toll.

Day 17 (Staying in is safe, staying in is safe, staying in is safe)

Okay, so I am just not feeling writing today for so many reasons that I lost count. So, what has happened today.

My order of Sword and Shield booster packs arrived today and I was excited because it was just nice to have a present to myself arrive and just, yeah, sad, I know. 

Alas, the card pulls were not great in comparison to the last packs I got, like, they filled a lot of gaps as I have only just started collecting the Sword and Shield base set but, no fancy full arts this time and the best card I think was the shiny Intelion. Are reverse shiny cards considered as rare nowadays or something? Cos I got a few of them... anyway, my excitement drained pretty quick after that, which sounds ridiculous as I am writing and I know it is like, luck of the draw and so on, but is my luck just that bad? 

I have been questioning that a lot. Do I deserve nice things or nice things to happen? Like, nice things have happened to me the last few months but it feels like the bad is overshadowing all of that no matter how had I try to let it not. I don't know when to stop trying, because I do keep trying but noting seems to be showing through for the amount that I have been well, trying. I dunno.

Either way, cards weren't great and I remember why I stopped collecting Sun and Mood cards... so we shall see what happens. At least I made about £2 on the code cards that came in the packs so there is that at least.

Everything is getting to me today. Lots of tiny things like "why is there so much crap in my house" and "I know none of this will be sorted over the weekend" and "why are my bloods so meh today" but what I think broke me for a small time earlier was that in the move of moving stuff upstairs in case we flooded, some very precious signed posters got crushed or ripped and that actually broke me and I stopped everything and cried. I badly took it out on the other half again but I don't really know where else I can turn atm cos I ain't the only one cooped up in the house all day and feeling like trash. Either way, I've decided I won't be putting any of my posters up in the music room when it's done, so I'll let the other half let loose with his music stuff instead.

As said above, my bloods are better than yesterday but it's taken all day to get them to normal.

I also realised that I am binge eating a lot, well, more so on days like today when things have been just not great. I eat stuff to help get me through till I can go to bed and sleep. Explains the amount of weight gain I've had over the last couple of years.

OH WELL. SHIT HAPPENS. Have a picture of Pom looking beautiful in the window of the cat room.

 Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0037]] Day 14 of Self-Isolation

Good day is good. I am feeling good. For once, everything is actually GOOD.

Day 14 (Shiny new pretty things... what shall I treat myself to next?)

Good evening everyone and thank you for tuning in to another blog entry of my Self-Isolation diaries! I do hope they have been riveting and fun to read! So again, thank you for popping by again! We've hit two weeks now, and I am still not sure how much longer this will be for.

As a good friend pointed out to me after yesterday's very accomplished post, I have finally hit 1000 pageviews so again, another big and massive thank you to you all!!! I am doing every thing I can to get my blog out there and viewed and so forth so eventually I can earn using adsense on it, so all your pageviews, follows and so forth, really help me out on my mission!

If you saw yesterdays post, I mentioned that I gutted out the upstairs spare room to turn it into a cat room, that is only spare on the rare occasion we have guests. Well, an update for all my avid cat lovers out there, the room is in use, by none other than who I expected, Pom Pom. She loves a mattress and duvet on the floor, she doesn't care which mattress it is or what duvet (I did give them the best one tbh), I knew she would be all over that mattress and she is! She seems so happy up there, I have hardly seen her today! I just need to try and get Magnus to use it, her and Pom do get on, but Magnus seems to prefer the sofa, or this box in the office that needs to go, but I did get a new box today so she might like that instead, I hope.

So, I am going to speak about my diabetes first, because honestly, I am so proud of myself. I have two bloods at 6.8 and 6.9 today and I am thrilled, and my blood was 5.5 before lunch today as well. I did wake up with very high bloods, but that was my bad due to having a hypo before bed last night and then I did binge ate everything I could find. Basically, I smashed a pack of doritos and a bar of chocolate. 

But, I did a correction dose with my breakfast (which was only 30g of carbs this morning!) and my bloods were 5.5 before lunch, which was fantastic! 

So, what have I eaten today and how much have I medded? Well, breakfast is pictured left, which was banana and granola with greek yoghurt and a teaspoon of honey, so I did 10 units, because I have to do 3 units for the carbs, an extra 2 because its the morning and 5 was for correction. So come lunch, my bloods were 5.5 and I had two flatbreads with cheese and cucumber, a packet of sunbites and a miniroll as a treat, so that was about 65g of carbs, so I did 8 units of insulin. Before dinner my blood was 6.9 so tonight I had salad (lettuce, cherry tomatoes, red onion, cucumber and pepper) with a small baked potato (blasted in the microwave then crisped up in the oven) with cheese and butter as well as hard boiled eggs which I removed the yolks, added some garlic, herbs, paprika and pepper to and boom, stuffed eggs. This meal, can you believe it, is about 40g carbs, but there was so much food, so only 5 units were done.

All in all, I am loving the time I have free to make food at home at the moment and it is helping my diabetes a lot. I do also hope that it helps with my heart hypertension and kidneys but for me to see those effects, I need to continue to keep doing this kind of food, even when I am at work, so not too sure how I will manage that yet. Which reminds me, I need to ask the other half to pick up some plain cashew nuts and plain peanuts, and maybe some basa fillets, need to get my good cholesterol up and the bad down while I am at it. I want to live for as long as possible after all.

In other news, thanks to paying £1.70 for shipping, the parcel I ordered yesterday came today and it was so nice to have a treat. Also, kudos for the post man, for knocking on the door and waiting two metres away to see if I would answer. Nice to see social distancing in practice. Anyway, what did I order?

POKEMON CARDS! Haha, cos I am a big kid and honestly, I haven't bought any for a while so what better time to rectify this than now, especially as I have saved money on bus tickets for work. 

Found out Chaos Cards were still accepting orders so I hoped right on over and made a phat order. Well, kind of fat, I saved some money due to some discount codes and I couldn't get a bunch of just Sword and Shield base set boosters but I managed to order those from another site of which I am sure I will write about when they arrive (hopefully end of the week, but they haven't finished processing the order yet so God know's what is going on there).

So, what did I order for myself?

So, in my order, I got the Toxtricity V Collection Box, which came with an oversized Toxtricity V card and a regular sized version as well as two packs of Sword and Shield base set, a pack of XY Evolutions and Cosmic something or another (which I haven't collected so wasn't too fussed by), as well as two blister packs, with a promo Gossifleur and Wooloo and cute coins to stick up on my office was as well as a folder for the Sword and Shield base set which is so damn pretty. All in all, I am happy with what I got, and I honestly love how pretty the new cards are, some are so damn cute!

So, to the left are all the cards I got from the booster Sword and Shield packs. They gave  me so much joy and kept me busy as I organised them into their new home in their special folder as well as logging them on my online app to make sure I can keep up to date with what I do and do not have when I am out and about mon card shopping. 

I am awaiting 7 more booster packs from Magic Mad House as Chaos didn't have any boosters for sale as out of stock, so I am hoping I get some more good card pulls from them. I did actually get two nice full art cards from these packs which I am thrilled about and I have flicked through the list of cards in the set and there are soooo many pretty ones, I can't wait to see if I get them! 

I actually love how chilled and calm things are when I am sorting out and looking through my Pokemon cards. Like, so ridiculously chilled so I may have to get some more haha! I did actually take a moment to sort out the stray cards we had kicking round and put them into sleeves and their respective binders, but honestly, the boring and methodical case of putting the cards in order, pulling out doubles, slipping them into their appropriately numbered sleeve and then logging it on my app is just way too therapeutic. I even took a moment to look through all the cards I do have, none of the sets are complete, but some of the pages are and some full arts are really pretty, as well as some damn good rares as well, oh my gosh, I was so calm and happy and chilled that over an hour had slipped by and I realised I hadn't done any cleaning today!!! 

I noticed when I was looking on the website that it looks like another Sword and Shield set is up for pre-order and I'm not gonna lie, I am slightly tempted. I have loved the cards I got today so far, some of the artwork is cute as heck and I can't wait to see what the next set could look like. Either way, it was all so much fun and so exciting and I cannot wait till my next parcel arrives!

That being said, I have been looking online for things I could get for my birthday, and I found a couple of Advent Calendars that were Harry Potter for last year, full of jewellery and socks and stuff, and figured I could order one and open a door a day whilst I am in iso? Figured it would be fun, although I am not sure what the other half things.

The birthday is creeping nearer though, and, I am still not sure what to expect. I think, if I can guarantee I can get a Colin the Caterpillar cake (or the white choc one if its there), make sure there is food and drink in I like, make sure the streaming stuff is set up for birthday Animal Crossing and maybe Pokemon and then, I don't really know? I might just blow some money on my self but I have to be sensible which I why, bar what I have had arrive today, I haven't blown any cash and I can't exactly go in to town atm to smash my bank in Primark. Either way, it's over a week away, don't need to worry about it yet, there is always next year after all, or that is what I keep telling myself.

Selfishly though, and I apologise for the doom and gloom, but... I don't know if I can wait a whole year for a bang big celebration the way I wanted to do it, to make up for the last six months of hell I have been through with my health and the fact nothing is getting better with said health. I don't know if I can wait a year for something good to enjoy, have fun with, not give a care in the world about... I just, I just... want something to look forward to that is nearer and not so far away. I do feel like I deserve a break.

Anyway, that is it for today everyone!

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0036]] Day 13 of Self-Isolation

It's all good here. 

Day 13 (The cats are taking over, or is it just my crazy creeping out to play?)

SO, today's post is a damn late one, but I have reasons, very productive reasons!!!

Our cats now have a room all to themselves, well... it's "technically" the spare room for when people come to visit but the cats are in the house a lot more than us having guests so, cat room it is. And people are only allowed to sleep over in it if the cats like them: if the cats no likey, no sleepy-over for you. Thankfully, the cats like the friendos we do have over so no problem there with them having to share.

Okay, so it is a work in progress because we need to borrow some tools to finish off some cool cat items and upholstery in there, but it will do for now! I just hope they like it when they realise (I may have hidden some bribery treats up there for them to find as well as their favourite things to sleep on and their toys and whatever else I could find that they like).

So the next photo is what I had to deal with! You may have seen me post it in yesterdays blog post
haha! I lost count of the amount of rubbish bags that came out of there in the end (must be near the double digits, if not over) and then there was the stuff that used to be under the stairs that needed to go back under the stairs and then the furniture. But yeah, several bin bags chucked on the bathroom rubble heat in the back garden and the room is finally cleared, the carpet hoovered within an inch of its life... ahhhh it's so satisfying seeing it all look so tidy at last! Heck, even under the stairs looks a lot tidier and organised now since we thought we were gonna flood last year and moved everything upstairs, it's all now packed and stacked neatly underneath. There are a few bags under there that need to go but that will be saved for another time, because some things elsewhere in family life, seems a bit up in the air. 

ANYWAY, the cat room!!! 

So, in the corner by the window, I have plonked Magnus Bane's cat tower, because she loves being in high places and looking out of windows. I've left the windowsill clear for Pom Pom and at some point I am going to make the curtain only cover half the window cos Pom likes to hide behind curtains when she sits in the window. We also took out the drawers from a chest of drawers and I've made a hidey hole with a blanket to give some cover for those times the meow meows want to hide, and my gold quilt is on the top because Magnus loves sleeping on it; underneath the gold quilt is a box cos princess loves her boxes. I've popped some treats up there for them and a water bowl, as well as there cat scratcher toys and play tube. I even put a nice squishy duvet on the bed for Pom to curl up on cos she likes to sleep on mattresses on the floor (she's been sleeping on the mattress we had on the floor in the office for the last couple of weeks).

At some point, when this whole quarantine shizzle is done with, we are gonna borrow some tools to properly bad out the top and add curtains and shizzle to the unit, as well as build a little ramp up and hang some dangle toys off. Nonetheless, I have dismantled a bed, moved two beds, moved two single mattresses, moved a chest of drawers, moved a book case, chucked loads of crap... I am exhausted now haha. But it was worth it. It feels good to be this active and pro-active again!!! (Okay so the king size mattress defeated me and I needed the others half's help with it but all in all, I have done myself proud!)

 So yeah, the cats now have a room. Bet you can't wait to see what I have to deal with tomorrow... I'd go up and take a picture but I don't even want to look into the music room until tomorrow haha!!! (Don't worry, I will take a picture of the erm, music room before I tidy it tomorrow...)

In other news, diabetes! I have had an absolutely FANTASTIC day with my blood sugars! 6.2 in the morning, 9.6 for lunch and 4.8 just before dinner. I am le shock! I am so so so so happy! It seems, being at home and forcing myself to focus on my bloods and carb counting instead of focusing on my job (which I love focusing on but sometimes it does get in the way of my diabetes management) is helping me loads! I had two crumpets for breakfast with a glass of no added sugar cranberry juice, two biscuits as a snack, then for lunch I had a packet of sunbites, some cucumber, a flatbread with cheese and cucumber, some chicken chunks and a mini roll as a treat. Altogether, that was 45g of carbs! Dinner, I wanted to try actually cook for myself, so I had rustic mash (skin kept on tatos) with some cheese and pepper, a pie and some fresh green beans with gravy... 60g carbs. And I felt so much better for it, I really did. I am going to try my best to keep this up but if I have an off day, which I get often, Ia m not going to beat myself up about it, I'll just start again the next day. Either way, my diabetes has been good for the first time in a while, so it can only continue to get better from here on out. I realise that my life is going to be a little shorter than most peoples, so I want to do my best to try and prolong it as best as I can.

Heck, I have my food planned out for tomorrow already. Greek yoghurt and granola for breakfast with some banana and a glass of cranberry juice, lunch will be same as today without the chicken, and dinner will be a salad with boiled eggs and cheese and maybe a small potato on the side with butter. So a very low carb and salt dinner again, which I hope will come through in my next lot of bloods when they are done in less than three months time.

But that is it for today, I need to relax and chill and get the knots out of my back (maybe beg the other half for a back massage because omg I hurt so much and my legs are covered in bruises from moving furniture. However, I am going to treat myself to a bar of chocolate and med for it appropriately of course, as well as this tasty juice the other half brought home for me which OMG I needed so bad and it tastes absolutely glorious. 

Anyway, I hope everyone is okay and happy! Remember, if you need a friend, I am only a message away! Stay safe everyone!!!

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0035]] Day 12 of Self-Isolation

Day 12 (I wonder what the news will be tomorrow... I'm guessing an even stricter lockdown?)

Good evening everyone! How is everyone doing? I realise I never ask this unless people speak to me first, alas, I hope you are all okay and thank you for coming by to read my daily posts!!!

I am going to do another blog with pictures. Because, the world prefers pictures to reading and to be honest, my reading bone has kinda gone, give me pictures, give me images, give me... really crap camera photos? Haha...

SO, today was the big food shop day!!! 

SO many bags of food, well, no more than normal for our fortnightly shop but we had to get a few extra bits in because of me being home a lot more and because I can't go to the shops whilst Jake is at work. I also got to see my friend today and her partner and OMG it was so good to see and speak to other people (no offence other half, I like talking to you too). Don't worry, we did social distancing throughout, and we managed to get all the shopping we needed and got it home safely too with no problems, so yey for a plan working out and coming together nicely!

I also have to cut down on salt in my food so we had to shop based around that, which the other half did so damn well, I am proud! I've tried to meal plan for when we are home together to eat together as well as for me when I'm on my own at home. We got some good fresh stuff in so I can do salads at home, which will definitely help me cut down on my salt intake. We have also got some decent things in for breakfast because sometimes, I am not great at eating breakfast because I get bored of it, so I have some alternatives which are also healthy and low carb to help me and my diabetes that way. Plus, I am doing my best to keep a routine to my days in the week, so I might prepare healthy lunched before bed or in the morning to keep me in control of my food and carb intake and help me work out my insulin ratios. It's going to be a lot to get used to, especially as I am a renown snacker to the max, especially when I am in the house all day, but, I am also a creature that likes control, so, if I can healthily control my food, it might help with my mental health whilst I am at home.

Speaking of food... I smashed dinner tonight!

Giant yorkies, Cumberland sausages, roasties and cheese mash, loads of fresh veggies and a lot of gravy. It's actually my first time attempting a kind of Sunday dinner, however, we both smash it cos we are heathens, but I already feel so much better having some fresh veggies for the first time in a while. 

That being said, somewhat related note, it was so nice to see the veg drawers full of fresh food today, as well as the cupboards and freezer stocked to, but it was the veggies that struck a note from me, because I don't actually remember the last time I filled the fridge with veggies!!!

SO, what else has been crack-a-lackin? 

More big house tidy up times! Or should I say, I think I finally conquered the problem of what to do with the last three rooms in my house that I wrote about last night. I figured, we can store mattresses in the spare room for when peeps stay over, chuck ALL the furniture out because it is not used and takes up space and finally deal with all the rubbish and items that don't need to be in there or just got left there and was never chucked away. I think so far, I have like 6 bags of rubbish, three-quarters of which aren't mine... but either way... I blocked myself in and had to get the other half to help me get out. Which was funny... because I tried to stretch to get out, my feet got no grip and I kinda did the first splits I have done in years, like, a good 20 years and ho damn it bloody hurt, I am still in pain now. I may have broken my vagina, I have no idea! But yeah, the photo is what I got stuck behind... now to chuck it all outside and wait for all this corona stuff to blow over so it can go to the skip.

Phew.

Other than that, it's been Animal Crossing and kitty cat cuddles, and it's all just perfect.

I'm not looking forward to next week and spending more time on my own again, but looking at the amount I have to do upstairs and organise downstairs, I think I have enough to keep me ticking over, and I know I'll be more inspired to art and write and read when all this is done and sorted. Tidy house, tidy mind.

Anyway my friends, keep safe, wash your hands, social distance, stay at home!

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0032]] Day 9 of Self-Isolation

As said yesterday, and I repeat... GOOD MENTAL HEALTH DAY GOOD MENTAL HEALTH DAY oh and good diabetes day too, badum ching~

Day 9 (Just keep swimming, just keep swimming OMFG IT IS PAY DAY TOMORROW I AM COMING FOR YOU INTERNET SHOPPING)

No need for a mood sandwich today, although I could make one, but it wouldn't be based on my own mental health and diabetes but the sheer fact that curve we keep hearing about on the news is rising, and I am honestly so glad I am able to protect myself from the outside world, even if it does take its toll on my mental health and emotions and then my diabetes. Seriously, after having gastroenteritis last year and my kidneys dropping to less than half function because as I have said before, they are the wimps of the body, as well as having flu that one time as a teen which I should have gone to hospital for but didn't... I don't think my kidneys could take me having another illness.

Yeah, it's respiratory... but, kidneys react to many different things and being type 1 diabetic, I kind of feel like they are more sensitive and prone to things you'd hope they would not be, so yeah, it might be a respiratory disease that covid-19 causes but... me being sick again would be a strain on my diabetes causing high blood sugar and ketones which can damage my kidneys further and at this point, I cannot afford for that to happen. 

Eitherway, things are worsening in Lincolnshire and getting worse across the whole UK and I still don't feel like this is the worst of it yes. I know, it is going to get worse.

ANYWAY FUN TIMES.

Haha, I said yesterday that things would be more bearable today thanks to amazing family helping us out with finances so we could get some essential stuff in to last until we are paid tomorrow. And yeah, not having to eat pasta has been an absolute God send, seriously, my body is so relieved and I am starting to feel less lethargic and bloated... heck yes. I've managed to eek out my food throughout the day, drink to, so it lasts till tomorrow so I think I've done alright... thinking ahead and all that.

But yes, it has been a much better day of being at home and a little bit productive as well, which is always nice. I haven't felt the need to livestream Pokemon GO today for the sake of talking to people as I have had so much more energy to run around and do things or heck, sit and enjoy myself planning things.

Planning what? Animal Crossing fun stuff, that is what!

I got a little bored this morning and have been seeing people creating amazing things online for Animal Crossing so I thought it was time that I gave it a go too!!! I have wanted to do this for a while but never really was able to pluck up the courage to do it, plus, I know I can be lazy, especially when it comes to making and creating (even though I am alright at it). When I used to play Animal Crossing: New Leaf, I scanned loads of QR codes for cool outfits people had designed, such as a Lugia dress and hat, Vaporeon dress and hat and a Loki coat with cape... but, I could never seem to find a Doctor Strange outfit. SO, I changed that today, gave myself a couple of hours this morning/afternoon with pictures of Doctor Strange on the laptop and I finally came up with a design for him. 

Sadly, I don't have a QR code to share but I do plan on sorting this out soon so others (well, the Doctor Strange Cosplay Group) can also wear the design as well. Watch this space for a swanky QR code soon haha.

But then after design this and then putting up the little Kamijo artwork the other half made for me so I had my fave singer in my lil Animal Crossing home, it got me thinking about things I could do on Animal Crossing to make my home more awesome, and more like my dream home I guess haha and with all the time off too, it'll give me something to do!

So yes, I have been planning fun things to do on Animal Crossing whilst I am off. So, for the house, I am thinking either a geek room, or a super hero themed room so I can put cool costume designs in there like the Doctor Strange one, customise furniture to go with the room, maybe games consoles n stuff, we shall see! I am also planning a music room so I'll try and make little posters like the Kamijo the other half has done for me, of all the band members I like and place them on a wall, maybe logos, bedsheets, stuff like that and so on. I'll probably put music instruments in there when I eventually get them as well haha! I am so excited.

I still don't really know what I am going to do with the rest of my island, but we shall see. I do want to make a fun outdoor play area, a garden of roses because Versailles, try and make it more gothic and so on, maybe even somewhere for live music? But we shall see haha! 

Speaking of live music and stuff, the character, named Katt, on my island is the cutest little fluff bean ever and I love her so much. She keeps singing on the plaza and it is the absolute sweetest thing. I love her so much omg. I think she's my fave out of my animals, not just cos she is pretty cool, but she reminds me so much of my team leader at work, also named Kat and honestly, it is the absolute best. I have informed my team leader about this but I have not had a response as of yet. On a serious note, I do miss her and our vape/smoke breaks outside ranting about stupid people. But for now, replacement Katt will do, cos heck, she even says things that reminds me of the real person haha!!!

I think that is enough about Animal Crossing (psst, it will never be enough) and don't worry, I have not been sat on my butt all day playing the best game chill game ever (even though I totally could, just saying). I have actually finished sorting out the bathroom and washing every piece of soft furnishing stuff I could (so all the towels and bed sheets and so on) and now, bar the fact the floor still needs doing and some walls and plastering, the bathroom is looking proper dapper. Well, as dapper as a bathroom could. Plus it appeased my need to organise things, so everything now has a place and so on and it just makes me feel so happy inside. 

There are still some BIG house things left to do, so prob like a couple more weeks of deep cleaning and organising and chucking stuff, but the kitchen cupboards are all sorted, everything has been washed up or dish washed in the kitchen, the living room is tidy and organised for gaming sessions or casual TV watching and the hall way is also nice and organised and no longer cluttered with piles of coats. It doesn't look or sound like much (the upstairs and office are the biggest challenges) but, it is starting to look better and it is showing in my mood, and tbh it is true what they say, "tidy house, tidy mind" so fingers crossed, my house will be a perfect little geeky music sanctuary soon.

Speaking of tidying, my last load of rando towel washing is done, so prob should go sort that out.

Stay safe people, just keep swimming, just keep swimming!

Over and out, mes amigos.

(PS: OMG did I mention, it is pay day tomorrow OMG YES)