[[0043]] Day 20 of Self-Isolation

One thing I have learnt today... I cannot do half as much as I was able to do last year and that is actually devastating.

Day 20 (I am not as capable as I once was...)

Evening everyone. And here we are, day 20, nearly 3 weeks! And still counting, God knows how long this is going to go on but I know that I still do not feel safe if I am out of the house. I never received a letter, even though my doctor's surgery said I would and that if I didn't, then apply for one but I can't cos I am not extremely vulnerable, I am just high-risk, well, I'm smack in the middle of higher risk and vulnerable and it is actually frustrating being in this weird grey area. What is worse, I can't ask my GP about this as they are not accepting any calls about covid-19, so what am I to do?

Well, social distance to the best of my ability which... I can only do while I am at home.

So that is that really. If it comes to it and work contacts me about returning whilst this is still happening, I am going to get hold of the doctor's regardless because I don't know what else I can do. However, it is not a problem at the moment and I am safe at home.

I got a little bored last night and well, two of the three refunds went in today so knowing this, I thought screw it, lets check some sales and found this little cutie of a bag. SO not me. SO bloody cute. Couldn't say no and was a decent price as well. And, it'll arrive on my birthday as well. I absolutely love unicorns so this is perfect for brightening up my all black emo-as-fuck outfits and will look fab with my new shoes. As well as the unicorn massive hoodie I got for Christmas from the other half's family too. 

You gotta treat yourself. 

Heck, I won't be going anywhere for my birthday and I fully intend on wearing this with my new docs whilst in my PJs, pretending I am going out for food when instead I will hopefully be having a take out. Birthday goals yo.

Speaking of staying home, more organising today! The biggest and baddest room of them all. The office. I thought the other rooms were hard but it turns out, I was horribly mistaken and moving everything to the office to sort out upstairs and under the stairs was not the best idea, even if, in the grand scheme of things, it was the only idea that was gonna work. But now I have hit a brick wall and need the other halfs help because I managed to move the new upstairs bookcase to a new wall to fit the sofa in, but now the sofa needs to go up, then the chest and drawers and shelf unit need to come down (okay, I can move those myself, just not the sofa) or the latter two pieces of furniture will have to stay upstairs until I move the old furniture to the skip pile then move everything in place and finally put away and organise things. Yeah, conundrum. What do? 

This is what is getting me down today though, the fact that I can't do half as much as I once was able to do. I used to move loads of heavy furniture round my room when I got bored and felt like I needed a change, I used to be able to spend hours lugging up and down, heavy stuff like under the stairs alas... not anymore. I had to keep sitting down and taking breaks because I kept getting out of breath cos of my bloody kidneys and it is honestly driving me up the wall as well as upsets me. I just want to function normally again but no one is giving me any ways to well, make myself somewhat better and able to do this. Heck, it even gets to me at work... I used to be able to push a lug heavy boxes and cages but I move one or two and then I am totally done.

There is not a lot I can do about it. I just have to keep doing what I can when I can, and try to not let things get to me. But when I am cooped up at home keeping safe and on my own, sometimes I do get a little sad about how I am now and what my conditions are like and that I am no longer the person who I was. It really does get to me, and a lot of the time, especially at work, I laugh it off and speak about things as blunt and honestly as I can but that, I know, is just a barrier and the crap I laugh at myself about is the crap that gets to me the most.

Mental health is a bitch. And I know mine is currently very fragile, which is why I am trying to keep busy. I know that will only last so long.

Any way, need to play some Animal Crossing before the other half is home to help me move a sofa. Then back to the grind tomorrow.

Regardless, I hope you are all safe and well.

Over and out, mes amigos.