[[0061]] For once in my life, my Mental Health is on point.

I actually have lost count of the days I have been "shielding" at home, which I can now say is exactly what I have been doing the entirety of this time away from the real world, ie, my lack of social life, seeing family and my job. But yes, I am actually shielding, especially from my job. I actually had a my assessment with Occy Health today which was daunting but the questions were better this time, and I did get moved from stage 1 to 2, but as I now know I can't wear PPE due to a breathing issue related to my kidneys which is STILL awaiting further investigation, I am still shielding from my job from here on out, so I am remaining stage 1 until I have at least seen renal. Which is a pressure off my mind with lock down releasing. But the diabetes and renal stuff is for another day.

However, I wanted to make this post about two things, which can be linked both together and apart.

Firstly, I'll be making some additions to my blog to show support for Pride and the LGBTQ+ community as it is Pride Month this June.

Secondly, mental health shizzle. Because yes, this is a diabetes and mental health related blog, however, mental health has been a crazy factor in my life, especially with my diabetes. 

So, for pride, I am adding some cute graphics I made for our streaming channel. I am bi myself, and I may not have had any kind of coming-out story as such, it kinda was like, just there (was told it would be a phase and that is probably the only bad thing I guess), I know it has not been so easy for many of my friends. So, if I can show my support with this blog, I can. This is the graphic I made for our overlays for our mixer channel, which we are gonna use for the whole month, so I am adding it to my block and it will sit here, forever. I'd like to think that my blog is a safe place, it's my safe place anyway because sometimes, I need to be able to just let off steam about my condition/s when I don't know where else to turn.

Anyway, as I said, I had no coming out story. I'm bi, that's that and bar being told it was a phase and proving peeps wrong, I just want peeps to know, that I am here and I am a safe place, if ever you need one!

But for the biggest matter at hand, and the name of this blog, it's time for the mental health low down. And honestly? My mental health is actually great. Which is funny when you think about it, and how I started this whole lock down, self-iso stuff... where I thought I was gonna feel lonely and that I would hate it and yes, at times, I have hated it, but... the last month or so, heck, 28 days since I wrote my last blog post, everything has been okay?

How do I know this?

1. I've been sleeping alright (considering the heat and the sudden random days I get nausea in the morning).
2. I'm managing my food quite well, and have just about managed to stick to 1500cals a day, thus, I have hardly been snacking, which is amazing. 
3. I have found ways to deal with my mental health, even if I found said things accidentally, but I feel great after well, the random ways I got to deal with things so that's a bonus. 
4. I don't feel the need to brighten my day with an advent calendar door each mornign anymore (sometimes, I forget to even open a door).
5. I'm finding things to do and keep me busy, thus only sitting down to do nothing if I am out of breath or tired cos of my conditions. 

There are probably some other things, I have no doubt. But, that's what I can think of at the moment... it's these things that are telling me that I am actually DOING OKAY. And considering my life has always been many shades of grey and an absolute mess, I can finally say I am realising a few things and slowly heading out on to a winner. 

I will admit, a lot of things have changed of late, namely, the live-streaming we do on mixer (Mixer Channel, Queen and McBooty. I think I have mentioned that I bought a chromebook on finance, mainly to do arts n stuff and even though it is a massive investment, it's paying off itself. In many ways. The main one being the fact I can do digital artwork now, which is awesome (after I have hated it for so long) but it's also helped us kick back into live-streaming games again, which is one of the main and massive reasons my mental health has improved.

It seems like a crazy little thing, just, talking. But talking to the game or people in the chat, knowing that someone, somewhere is listening, just makes me feel a lot less alone and vulnerable in my own head. Again, it's so silly, but I've streamed a few games now and the other half has been streaming a bit too, and we are slowly watching this small idea of live-streaming games, growing into something that could in a way, benefit me in the future. Okay, it's not the answer to our financial woes, but, if we continue to grow, it's an opportunity that one day, I can sit back once the pandemic is all over and maybe work less to help increase the control I have over the stress that seems to kill my diabetes. But, it's something.

And not only that, I am arting more, designing logos and chibis for streamers, I've designed our own graphics and overlays n stuff as well and I could continue to do this as I enjoy it quite a bit. It could be another stress free way to help deal with the stress that does bother my diabetes so much. 

It's all dreams, but they are dreams that could potentially become a reality some day. I mean, we have grown by 150 followers in a month, we've hit the ember goal last month and this month already, we have peeps tuning in to our streams regularly and merch is selling too (and damn, I love designing merch). It's a long way off, but I hope that me and the other half will be able to maybe one day reach the goal of partnership with mixer, maybe become affiliates with some big brands in the future too... I dunno, it's a long way off and bar waiting for a PhD with my fave supervisor or maybe doing a creative writing masters, I honestly feel like I have some things to look forward to in my life now, which is shocking considering the world is an absolute cock-womble of a mess right now.

I'm sure I'll ramble about our streaming escapades in the future, but I just wanted everyone to know I am actually okay!

Anyway, I'm still around, and I will go back to the diabetes posts and info shizzle soon! Have some plans for more art posts as well, so I can show you guys some stuff I have been working on (and I might set up a Fiverr account, who knows!) I'm hoping I hear back from JDRF soon too about social media shizzle plans. Either way... 

Stay safe everyone! 

[[0039]] Day 16 of Self-Isolation

Appreciating people is so damn important at a time like this. Tonight was a #clapforkeyworkers and it was felt from my tiny corner of the city, but you could hear the claps echoing as well as the cheers and horns and it was so lovely to be a part of this again. I don't think it'll keep its pace for every Thursday, but I'll go out regardless and clap my ass off if I have to.

Day 16 (Outside was weird. So weird. I couldn't wait to be home.)

Evening one and all, and welcome back to my day-by-day diaries of being stuck in my house. I thought I would have run out of things to write about but nope, I am still going strong.

First, I want to post a link to a fundraiser going on on Facebook for one of Geeks Events organisers, Mark Longman, who passed away with suspected Covid-19 symptoms. Geeks Events was one of the very first conventions I ever attended, and where I debuted my old Doctor Strange cosplay. I did not know Mark personally, but I am grateful for all that he did so please, help support the family in saving for a fantastic send off for him when this is all over. They are so close to their £2000 target, any little helps!

It's quite sobering, knowing that this virus is creeping closer and closer to people we know, or people that we know other people know well. And this city, this county, is only small. Just please, everyone, stay safe, stay at home!

So, today, I felt pretty good. Nice clothes (repping the amazing Punk Paws Brand), clean hair (styled thanks to my bed and sleep, wooo!) and all-n-all, feeling okay. Which I needed to be because it was my first trip out the house today for a very important appointment and sadly, I needed a confidence boost because I was very nervous and was not sure what I was going to be walking in to. 

Anyway, I'll get to that later... I did my first stream today where no-one hopped on, well, two rando viewers appeared but they didn't interact or ought, but I tried and said hello to them regardless. Either way, it was weird and made me realise how hard it is to stream without other people to talk to. Alas, I also realised that I enjoy streaming because it gives me a chance to talk random stuff like I would if I was at work, so in that sense, it helped. But it was still weird nonetheless. 

I did get Genesect finally though! I honestly didn't think I would manage it because I stupidly thought I would lose the research if I didn't complete it. Pokemon GO was working in my favour this week because they are having a Trickster Pokemon event in which trickster Pokemon spawn, so in this case, Foongus and Voltorb... of which Voltorb is electric type and what I specifically needed to complete part 4 of the Genesect research to actually get Genesect. 

Also, in my favour, was the actual stream itself. It actually went a lot smoother than previous and I kept my chill when it wouldn't capture my PoGO screen and boom, sorted super quick. The sound went iffy a couple of times and the camera froze twice in two very unflattering angles, but either way, I got the Pokemon I was after and I got to stream a lot of it which I will admit, was a lot of fun. I am gutted I don't live nearer to a gym to stream raids and so on, but I do hope that Niantic do increase the radius for reaching stops so I can reach the one by my house instead of drifting. Either way, I got the Mon, the stream was good, happy days.

As mentioned in the opener, I did have to go to the hospital today for an ultra sound on my kidneys and bladder, basically, to see if there is anything more going on then my diabetes affecting them, and to see if they had improved from when I last had an ultra sound when I stayed in hospital last year. By the sounds of what they were saying, the affected organs didn't look woolly anymore, which means no Pyelonephritis this time, but I don't know if they saw ought else. I had whispers of a potential cyst on a kidney but I think I have to wait for renal to get back in touch with me about it.

Needless to say, going into town and then the hospital was WEIRD. So weird and surreal, it's like I am living in a different city. Or maybe I have been cooped up for that long that it doesn't matter where I am, this is clearly a different place, time, dimension, I don't even know right now. But yeah, obvs, no-one on the streets much, a couple of dog walkers near to my house when waiting for the bus, but then getting on the bus was just even more weird (expect to hear the word weird a lot right now).

I tend to sit on the seats near the driver, because it has a bell to ring so no reaching over people to get it but also because if the bus gets full, I don't have to push past loads of people. Alas, those seats are all now blocked off with tape on some buses, signs on the others. I guess being a bus driver, the less people sit near you, the better, cos it must be difficult to social distance when seeing so many people on buses. Which tbh, on all the buses I got on today, there was no more than 4 people on each one, which again, great for social distancing but proper weird because I'm so used to the 16 being proper busy down my end, like you often have to share seats. SO yeah, weird. The bus station was baron as well... of course I had to get a pic. There is normally a good 10+ people at each bay... not anymore. It is for the best though, and some keyworkers do need the services the buses provide. It needs to be done.

I had 20mins to wait for my bus home from the station so I took it as an opportunity to go to Heron as I had been informed by a lot of people that they were fully stocked. And they were. As I was walking around Heron, I heard one of the staff members saying as of today, NHS staff get 10% off and I was the first NHS person to come in. I felt guilty and explained that I am off cos of illness, but they were lovely nonetheless and said even if I am not out there now, I can go back when this is all over and help build everything back up again. Which was proper sweet. We didn't really need a lot, but they had some fab deals on treats we can't normally afford so I had to pick up the other half his fave pizza subs as well as some sexy Ben and Jerry's ice cream, as well as staple energy drinks and a few sweet treats for me so my lunch stuff stretches. I got a lot for the £13 I spent, and I went home very happy.

Town however, was also weird. Again, most times of the day and even early morning, there is so much more activity, like a crowd of young college students outside Maccies for example... but nothing. So empty and so quiet, almost like waking up in an alternative universe where everyone but you and a couple of others have just turned to dust or some Marvel shizzle. Kind of like a bad horror movie. It just was so quiet and eerie and honestly, I could not wait to get home. 

So, that is it for my day. I decided to take it easy when I got back, chilled and played games whilst letting the washing machine and tumble dryer do its think in the background. I have found my diabetes to be quite on edge as I have been, all day today because of going out and you never know who is carrying said bad virus, but, my sugars are starting to stable out now, finally. I keep forgetting what anxiety does to my bloods, and I should have medded more this morning alas the damage was already done when I woke up, so it didn't matter either way. And to be honest, I think I did stay safe whilst I was out... I kept my distance, used sanitiser when necessary. Kept within markers in the shops I went to. Washed my hands and clothes when home. I have done what I can to keep myself safe today. I am also proud of the hospital I work in and the way they are adjusting to the situation, what with spacing the chairs out in waiting areas, masks and aprons, and other precautions. We can get through this... I don't know how yet, but we will. 

Alas, it's time to go, with that horrendous reminder it is a week till my birthday (thanks for this yesterday Tom Nook, ya dick) and I still have no idea what is happening. Will I be on my own throughout the day or not? Will the presents I bought myself arrive on time? Will anyone watch the live stream if I do it? Will I be able to set up the live stream whilst the other half is at work? Will I be sad that plans aren't going ahead? Will I be reminded that the last couple of months have been bad and I am due a break? I know I am being selfish, I know I am but, dear Cheesus on a bicycle, I am honestly done with bad news for one year!

Anyway, hope you are all well. Keep safe friends and family and friends that are family.

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0026]] Day 3 of Self-Isolation

Today... was a weird one. Very weird. You can see the changes slowly happening across the city, the panic buyers still out there lugging heavy bags, an empty hospital waiting room... is Ghost Town coming?

Day 3 (This was more like social distancing day through NO choice of my own, but whatevs)

Good evening and welcome to your third instalment of Queenie's self-isolation diaries. I will point out, today was more of a social distancing day and honestly? I have realised how hard it is to social distance if you are using public transport or going to the hospital. 

Let's try and turn today into a mood sammich!!! 🥪🥪🥪

I see you are all recoiling in shock? Yes, I took a bus, well four buses today. And then hospital too. Alas, let me explain! This is essentially the last day I will NEED to leave the house. Long story short, I have three appts, of which two are today and one would have been tomorrow. SO, the diabetes support nurse appointment ended up being a phone appointment (I also forgot I had it so wouldn't have made it in time) and the appointment at X Ray for the kidney and bladder ultra sound has been cancelled for now, but have to contact them in two weeks if I end up being isolated for twelve. HOWEVER, renal told me to attend the bloods, so conflicted, I did. But I tried to make the best of a bad situation regardless. 

I got to see a work colleague which was wonderful cos there are a few people I am missing at work. And a couple of nurses, one I saw in renal and one I just tend to see in the smoking area, were outside so I got to see and chat with them (the dark humour was STRONG today). And I got to see my fave phlebotomist too (the one best at getting my bloods) so take that as a big win too. SO all in all, my short time out was pleasant. And don't worry, I made sure I used social distancing the whole damn time. 

Now, for a double filling of bad, well bad and gone off filling for the mood sandwich.

So I said in the opening that you can see that things are starting to change, and considering the last time I went out was on Tuesday, a lot has changed since Tuesday. So, for example, less people on the first bus to town so was able to comfortable social distance near the back, and then I got to the bus station and just DAMN SUNSHINE, you could tell there was a change in the atmosphere (luckily, I missed an idiot where some jerk had a go at an elderly person for coughing).

Considering I was stood at stand B... this is pretty empty for the local station. And buses coming from the nearby places and villages all seemed to have at most, four or five people on them, for what I could see. One bus turned up and no-one got on, which is kinda weird to see. I must admit, there were about eleven people behind this photo, queuing for my bus, so I did my best to distance from all of them as we eventually got on, and thankfully, 9 people all say on the left hand side of the bus, so only three of us spaced far out on the right, so can't complain too much. However, I can imagine at rush hour and work start time, the station is a lot fuller, so in a way, I am kind of glad I am not dealing with that, cos social distancing would be a lot harder that way. And tbh, it is going to get MUCH harder.

Caught these signs shown on the right, stuck to the doors before you get on the bus. And long story short, they are reducing their services, which I actually understand as it may encourage people to stay home and not bother going out, perhaps, and I guess help reduce the increase in transmissions that more regular services will cause. BUT, with reduced services, I can imagine that is more people piling onto a singular bus, specially int the morning... and again, I don't know if I want to be on the tail end of that, least of all at rush hour and home time, I can imagine what is left of the services will be rammed.

Anyway, get to the hospital, sanitised my hands like a good NHS worker, and then I saw the haem waiting area and oh my, it was such a change (a change for the better though no less). I'm used to seeing the haem clinic a lot cos I tend to work mainly on notes for haematology clinics, so I speak t the receptionist a lot and so on. Normally, you get a numbered ticket (for routine bloods, like forms from renal or diabetes clinics or from your doctor) and then sit in the main waiting area, people only wait in the seating area outside the double doors if the main area is full. Not today though. We get a ticket then go and sit in the outside area until called, whereas the main waiting area I think was clinics and emergency only?

But yeah, the new place to wait was, different. But clever and I see the logic behind it. So that is how the chairs are now arranged as you wait, so means you can distance quite nicely, so yeah, pretty clever. There were other rules like no kids under 12 and chaperones limited to one person and stuff like that. So kudos to haem, you're doing great!!! The whole waiting area was talking though, mainly about Covid-19 but it was nice to wait and not like, be bored and fall asleep like I normally do. 

Either way, places are definitely following with drastic changes, whether the hospital or the buses and shops and things. Things are changing and it is really really weird. 

So, for another icky sammich filling.

OMFG OW. SO MUCH OW. LIKE WHY AM I EVEN DIABETIC IF THEY CAN'T EVEN GET BLOOD OUT OF ME EASILY? WHY ARE MY VEINS SO CRAPPY? WHY WHEN I PREPARE FOR BLOODS TO BE TAKEN DOES MY VEINS SHRIVEL UP AND SAY LOL NOPE NOT TODAY MOTHERFUCKER.

Urgh.

I have this massive problem with blood tests and I don't even know why. Like I am not anxious when I get them done, I kind of find it fascinating if I am perfectly honest (and the colour is pretty haha). 

So I get in, explain to the lady I am a nightmare for bloods, she tries in my arm first, fat nope. Warms up a glove full of water for my hand... says nope. This is pretty much twenty minutes later and thankfully, she finally got taken off for her lunch (bless her, she was over running with me) and the lady that can get my blood came out. Saw her a couple of times when I was on the ward last year and seen her a couple of times since, she actually remembered me, and yes, she got it out. Alas, ouch. So much ouch omg. 

Again, you can tell there is a virus about because you have to keep the cotton wool and plasters on for a couple of hours now, to stop infection. Normally, I heal straight away as crap at bleeding, alas, have to be safe now. I could prob take them off now actually... I kinda forgot XD

AND NOW for the GRAND FINALE!!!

IT IS HERE IT IS HERE TODAY IS THE BIG DAY I HAVE WAITED FOR FOR SO DAMN LONG... ANIMAL CROSSING NEW HORIZONS IS OUT NOWWWWWW OH YES!

As you can see, I am so excited about this, you have no idea (you totally have an idea, I can see it now haha. I think I was gonna wait till my birthday to get it cos dollar is low atm, but the other half came up with a plan for the sheer fact that we all know I am going to go absolutely spare in the house once it is all tidied and I have run out of things to do. Plus, Animal Crossing is such a calm and chill game, you just can't be mad when you play it!!! Absolutely loved New Leaf, so the fact I was able to get this on release day is absolutely mental (alas I am gutted I missed out on the tote, the badges and the free poster the other half gave away cos he is too nice and yes I am still mad about it cos that kid can have a birthday outside and I won't be able to). ANYWAY, we are gonna hopefully stream it later, as I cannot play till the other half is home (the fact he has given me it now is sooooooooo infuriating as it is right next to me and so tempting plus I might need to make space on my switch...) But yes, please go and check us out later tonight and maybe tomorrow, over on our mixer, here and if you are bored now, check out my personal stream over here as I begin the Genesect research story event!! 

Well, that is it for now.

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0020]] Week 8 Overview - I'm still a piece of garbage

Ha... ha... ha. This weekly overview post is bought to you by Fortnite, proving to the world, inadvertently, that I am indeed, in fact, a piece of garbage! You're welcome!!!

Seriously though, I joke a lot that I am trash and my friends joke that they are also trash so all-in-all, we are all garbage, just Fortnite just had to take it to another level and prove it to everyone that when I joke that I am a piece of trash, I am, in fact, really trash lmao! If you check out our gaming shizzle on (Facebook, Twitter and Instagram), you can see the video proof of the piece of garbage that I am, as I get stuck in a dumpster on Fortnite and get slaughtered by some... brute things.

On a serious note, I don't think I am really a piece of garbage, but there are times when I honestly do feel like trash and I guess I joke about it because it gets ya through it or something? This week has three quarters been a bit of a garbage week, and even if now I only consider a quarter of the week to be less garbage, on the outside it looks like the week has been better but on the inside there are some icky gross thoughts and I'm still diabetically burnt out if that is a thing... so on with the diabetes part of the week I guess!!!

So as you can see, I have not posted a blood test chart again. This is because I am honestly embarrassed and annoyed at myself that I haven't blood tested as much as I should just because I have reached that annoying point I have reached so many times before, which is that I am afraid to see what the metre is going to show me. I am hoping, like last week, that next week is a better week for me but we shall see. I cannot predict the future after all. 

The one thing I can say is that I think I have found the right amount of Toujeo long acting insulin to do, which is 26 units. My bloods have been okay when I wake up in the morning, which is amazing... and also really conflictingly confusing because I wake up every morning with the worst dry mouth of my life. But I guess that might be my new neuro meds combined with being back on my old antidepressants, but who knows? (I certainly don't...)

I guess you are wondering why things have been so bad? Well, I guess its my bad for trying to get on with life with the new changes and thinking that that will be enough for not and then BOOM, I get more bad news to do with my health, and it shatters everything, ya know? Long story short, found out a week or two ago I had CKD (I speak about it in this post) and now I have serious damage to my eyes due to type 1 diabetes. If you haven't read my previous blog post about this, you can check it out over HERE! So yeah, if it is not one thing, then its another and it's making things very difficult for me at the moment. 

I think the only other bad things are the fact I had major anxiety at work over a bloody telephone (I've worked there long enough, I thought I would be over it by now) and that one of the jobs I do a lot is changing to include more work and I am a little bit worried that is going to stress me out and up my blood sugars again and I am not too sure I am mentally prepared for that... alas, we will deal with that in exactly 10 hours I guess, haha!!!

Alas, all things aside mental health and diabetic-burnout wise... I've been thinking a lot about my future and what I want to do with it again. One thing I have decided, just not sure when I will do it (maybe after this blog post now I have reminded myself), is that I definitely do want to take the MA Creative Writing and Publishing degree at my local uni. I studied my BSc in Biomedical Science there as well as my integrated masters course MBio Biomedical Science and I honestly miss being in the learning environment and I also miss writing; I also want to complete one of my dreams in writing creatively and professionally before I am too sick to do so. It's morbid, I know... but, I want to do all of these things sooner rather than later. Yes, uni did stress me out a lot but... being in an academic environment helped my mental health a lot and I want to do every little thing I can to help my mental health and happiness. At this point, I have no idea if I will be able to do another Masters let alone if I can fund it (I guess GoFundMe is an option for that one just in case...) but... there is no harm in at least going to an open day... so maybe watch this space for some happier future times maybe? 

Something else I have been starting to realise of late is that I do want to eventually cut at least one more bank shift at work, maybe both. I don't know how I can do this, but going back to uni might be one way if I can get funding. But that won't be forever... and one thing I do know for certain, especially as neuropathy will eventually get worse and my legs pains get worse and we can't forget the kidney stuff too... I do want to earn some kind of pennies from doing some kind of work from home. So writing and my blog might help with that eventually but then we are gaming now too... and yes it is early days and we are a long long way away from earning anything decent from it, but it is the fact we have the basic equipment and we could eventually make something from doing something we love.

I've made some suggestions to the other half today which we have put in to motion! If you look above, we finally have a basic mock up for a logo! We are gonna change the colours and style each time the Fortnite Battle Pass changes, and this season, it's Spy themed so... here ya go! I also have been suggesting getting a twitter (I get way more interaction for gaming posts on Twitter then I do my own posts) as well as an Instagram and Facebook page (I linked these in the opening post, so please give them a look and follow!) so hopefully we can get a few more fans and followers over on mixer when we stream... and we will be one step closer! Next thing I am hoping we can do, is to pay for Mixer Pro, which should help with networking (thank you bestie Josh for that one!!!!) and last but not least... I am hoping that we can stream every time either or both of us turns on a console to game! I feel being super active might help but we shall see!!!

I got a new vape today by the way! I think I mentioned last week that I have decided to cut out drinking alcohol because the last couple of times that I have, I have ended up really sick which I think is due to my CKD. Next on my list is to try and quit smoking although this one I am going to find more difficult because it is my go to thing when I am not doing okay.

I have tried vaping before but they always make me cough worse than the CKD making me not breathe and the smoking... but the other half got a new vape that you can change the wattage on and turns out, that helped a lot!

I picked up this beast from 888 Vapour in my local town (also offers 20% discount for NHS workers too) and omg, I prefer it so much already! I can actually vape this how I actually smoke, the whole vape to lung instead of holding it in my mouth to cool and stuff, I can just vape it how I've needed to all along and omg, I feel so much better for it already. This one charges by USB C as well, which is a blood saviour cos they're the only cables I have, the battery is so much better as well as the battery life and I love that you can change the screen colour and see vape info and stuff as well. The kit I picked up is a brand I haven't used before, called Wismec R80 and we also got some V4 Nicotine Salt vape juice in melon ice, cherry ice and tropical mix. These are really high concentrations in nicotine which have genuinely helped people cut down... and at this point, I have a good feeling about this vape helping me. Let's see what the future holds!

LOOK GUYS I AM GETTING A BATH IN MY HOUSE OMG I HAVE WANTED A BATH FOR SO LONG, YOU HAVE NO IDEA I LOVE MY HOUSE AND I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR FIVE YEARS WITH JUST TWO SHOWERS AND JUST SOMETIMES YOU NEED A BATH AND LIKE I AM GETTING ONE AND MY DAD AND BROTHER ARE FITTING IT AND IT IS SO AWESOME AND EXCITING IT FEELS LIKE MY CHRISTMAS, BIRTHDAY AND HALLOWEEN ROLLED IN TO ONE HOLY CRAP!!!

Okay, so the left picture is after the tiles and wall were knocked down, lovingly known as the earthquake cos it kinda looks like an earthquake broke my bathroom and the brother. The builder who fitted the shower when we moved in was not good... didn't let the plaster dry, didn't use moisture board and long story short, I took a sit down shower and my shoulder went straight through the tiles... so, we needed a new one. BUT we are getting a bath and I am so happy I could cry. One of the main reasons I wanted one is that in a bath, I cannot feel the pain in my legs and the neuropathy in foot just disappears and it means for a solid half an hour, I can't feel anything in my right leg and it is the best feeling. The right is the work my dad and bro have done so far, and omg this time next week, I can have a bath and I cannot wait. My bath bomb from Lush is totally ready! We are planning on decorating as well... so we should be getting some nice grey lino for the floor and we have some nice blue bathmats that we will get some matching paint for... and honestly, I hope this inspires us to put some more love into our home and decorate it some more cos we be stuck here for a few more years yet until we can afford to buy (which I hope I can buy this one but who knows...)

And lastly... I have the greatest friends in the world. Josh and Bridie... thank you thank you thank you for always being there for me and restoring my faith in humanity and just being amazing. I love you guys and I cannot wait to see you in April (London and Wales trips in April are booked, and cannot wait!!!)

This weeks rating:⭐⭐⭐☆☆

Bye everyone!!!

[[0009]] Week 3 Overview

Well, I can safely say this week has been a lot kinder, thank goodness!!!

This weeks blood results chart.

I shall start with the weekly blood tests first, get the nitty gritty of the diabetes part out the way to explain the rest of the week!

The one big thing that I notice here is... WAY LESS HYPOS HALLELUJAH! There have been a couple but they have been a little simpler to deal with. And luckily for most of them, I had something at home for them (except last nights, where I had to resort to golden syrup on a spoon and some not so tasty out of fate mini marshmallows😫).

Week 2 was rife with hypos, but I received some tips from a diabetes group on FB about drinking something like milk before bed to help stop sugars dropping in the night, alas, only had hypo drink so I had a couple of sips of that and it helped with a couple of night time hypos (as you can see, I hypoed last night as nothing sugary for me to have before bed!!!). It's actually pay day tomorrow so I am planning on buying some milkshake powder and milk and plan on having either warm milk before bed or a milkshake, and hopefully that will help me stop having night hypos, so watch this space!

I have had a few more hi results but, these don't alarm me too much because the amount of his I am having nowadays is a lot less than last year, which is a massive relief. This means I am getting some kind of diabetic control back in my life. Its ridiculous as I have had the condition for 27 years and cannot remember a day without it but yet it has taken me all this time to get some kind of good results. Better late than never is what I keep telling myself, but... some damage has already been done, sadly. 

Me and my lil mini me.

All in all, it has actually been a pretty okay week. I got to spend a lot of time with my youngest sister Lola and her dad this weekend which has been absolutely lovely and has brought sooooo many smiles to my face! They recently moved to their new home which I am so honestly thrilled about, and I got the joy of making up some of their furniture (which is one of my super secret loves haha, give me flat pack any day friends!!!). It's just so amazing to see two lovely people so happy and just, omg, my face hurts from smiling so much. Plus OMGOSH Lola has some AMAZING toys that I so wish they made when I was younger, like this super cute modern little kids kitchen, which is all smart and silver and black and just WOW, love it! 

Honestly, my little sister Lola-Lollipop means the absolute WORLD to me. She asks questions about me having diabetes and I love explaining it all to her. This weekend I was telling her about all the cool food I can eat that I don't have to medicate for, as her dad bought us Peperamis to snack on and I learnt this week at work that they have no carbs in therefore, new snack I don't have to med for! SO AWESOME! Not only that, but, I love how smart and clever Lola is, and she honestly reminds me of me when I was a kid... heck, she even looks like I did when I was little which is so creepy scary cos we may have the same mom, but different dads! Love her so so so much and I am so so so so happy I got to spend the weekend helping her and her dad in there lovely and beautiful new home. It's so good to see her happy and smiling, and knowing she is happy and smiling makes me feel so super happy too 💓💛💚💙💜

Fortnite streaming shenanigans.

In other news, streaming is getting better and better! I had some salary sacrifice left over from work, so decided to use it to get me and Jakey McBooty a capture card for streaming and OMG it makes such a difference to our streams and I absolutely love it! We still aren't the most professional, but we are having so much fun with everything related to it and its helping me come closer to doing one of my three dreams, which is streaming Pokémon games! (And maybe Animal Crossing and Final Fantasy too!!!) I don't know when I am going to start streaming from my own channel as of yet as need to set up things with stream labs and work out streaming and audio from my switch but needless to say, this capture card is an absolute game changer and a half!!! Also got to stream with my lovely friend Pete and his daughter as well (who I have been informed is pretty damn good on Fortnite) and my brother hopped on as well... so much fun! Roll on future streaming days! 

We've been planning some illustrations as well as future things to stream as well, one being a couple night on Valentine's day with a lovely take out and drinks and potentially trying out Minecraft for the first time! Honestly, everything is so super exciting right now, I'm so happy!

Super Insulin Pen, the Super Hero of
Team Super Insulin.

Also this week, well, today actually, I applied to be a social media ambassador for my favourite charity, JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Fund). You'll see me talk about them quite a bit if I am honest, I love the work they do (and one of the taglines in the application thanks was "help make type one, type none!"and I love it. We fundraised for them for their Game2Give campaign last year in which we raised £200 for the charity, and we should be at least be doing that twice more this year as well (it's going to be awesome now we have a better streaming set up!!!). But no, it's something I have thought about doing for a while, what with writing this blog now, along with the fundraising in the past (altogether we've raised about £320ish altogether) and then my dissertation in which I made kid friendly leaflets explaining what T1D is and so on... using social media to help promote awareness for T1D research and finding a cure is something I just had to do. Which leads on to my second dream in which I would love to work more for Type 1 Diabetes, whether it remains social media and writing, to fundraising, talking to people and educating and so on... its something I need to do. Plus, once my health and medication is sorted out, I may look into becoming a community support ambassador for JDRF, attending events and liaising with others, raising more awareness and so forth. I'm so so happy I took this leap and I look forward to writing about future developments, and who knows, I might be able to get my diabetes illustrations to a bigger audience in the future! 

Bob and Betty,
the insulin producing
Beta cells of the pancreas.

My one last dream is to write a book of my life, or a screenplay, called "Ordinary World?"... maybe I will apply for that masters in creative writing and publishing... one step at a time though, I don't want to overwhelm myself!!!

So, next week doesn't look too bad... although I have my first ever appointment with the diabetes team at my local hospital on Tuesday which I am a little bit terrified about. I have not seen a diabetes team there in YEARS, for the sheer fact I hated going, hated how I was spoke to as a kid and just... I don't even know, I hated going. I have accepted it now though and for the sake of my future and mine and Jake's future, I do need to go. But I have so much I need to tell the doctor about... and not only that, this doctor doesn't know me like my nurses at my surgery do, he doesn't know my history and why my diabetes has been a trash show all these years... so for the love of all that is holy, I hope they understand because I don't want to be terrified of going again. I also know that I'll be doing one of my old favourite jobs on Friday at work, but I haven't done it since I went in to hospital last year, and I currently don't know how my foot or my nausea will cope with it... so... long story short, next week will either be absolutely fantastic, or horrible as hell.

As always, watch this space! And thank you to my new followers and for those who have read my blog! I noticed my more informative post about cold and diabetes has done really well, so I think I am going to try and do another informative post this week, maybe even explain how T1D happens with my old trusty illustrations!!!

Laters lovely people 💙 And thank you so much for sticking by me too.

[[0007]] Week 2 Overview

Howdy folks, I'm finally back with this weeks diabetes and life overview and boy, hasn't it been a bloody week and a half! 

I'm not gonna ramble on too much about the bad shizzle that happened this week, you can read all about it by following this link right here!!

Long story short, it was hell. So many low blood sugars resulting in a day off work (which I am rather pissed at myself about, alas, sometimes we cannot control these things). I still don't know what happened, but I am more than adamant that it is due to my nighttime Lantus insulin because absolutely nothing else makes sense to me anymore! Also forgot to mention in that bad day blog post that I had to blood test every hour or two on that Tuesday day off just to make sure I didn't let my blood sugars drop again and oh God, my finger tips still feel it now.

I do hope it is enough for the consultant to let me go on to the Libre though... although I have heard

there is a shortage in the little things at the moment, but I don't see him till a week on Tuesday so maybe eventually things will sort out? I do realise that I need a constant glucose monitor at this point as it'll be easier to monitor the trends in my bloods in relation to food and carbs (especially if I have to carb count soon, urgh). I do hope as well, that it means I can finally go on to the long acting Tresiba insulin my dietitian told me a lot about, after all, the diabetes doctors at my local hospital supposedly all swear by it, and I honestly thing a change in long acting meds may be what I need.

So, what else has happened this week? WELL, for the first time in the longest time, I finally went out to play some Pokemon GO (the game that helped me and Jakey meet!) as it was Piplup community day today and it meant I got to meet my lovely friend who caught loads of Ralts for me on another community day that I was unable to attend, so I finally got a shiny Gardevoir for my Pokemon collection, wooo! Very happy about that oh yes!

I haven't been out much to play the games I love as I am always worried nowadays that I might hypo at any time, especially this week but I am so glad I went out. Saw lots of friends, got lots of shinies (and 19p croissants for dinner, absolutely banging!) and all in all, just had a fantastic three hours out the house! I need to keep reminding myself that it is okay to go out and not every day is a bad hypo day or neuropathy day, it's at least good to go and try and do the things I absolutely love! I also have to remember that the neuropathy isn't horribly bad in my foot yet and that I am lucky it is not in my left foot, so I need to make the most of not having both feet in pain whilst I can!!!

SO, up above is the graph of the blood results I have taken this week... at least I can say there has definitely been a lot less hypos and a few more blood sugars in the correct range, but the fact my hypos out number my hypers is still a bit scary to see. Thankfully, the last two days, I have woken up with blood sugars between 6 and 7.5mmol/L which isn't bad. The change I made, is that I try to drink something a bit sugary before bed and so far, it seems to be working. I do however, need pay day to hurry up so I can get some milk to drink before bed as that is slightly better than digging into the hypo supplies to stop night time hypos. I'm going to pray so damn hard that I don't have anymore morning hypos next week... I have honestly had enough of them!!!

My mental health, sadly, has taken a dip this week... which is scaring me a little bit and of course, I am worried that it may scare Jake a little too. I am waiting for counselling though so fingers crossed that helps! What I know has not helped me is the fact I do not sleep my solid 6 hours that I used to do on my old antidepressants... so again, something else to speak to the doctors about at my appt in a weeks time. Long story short (again), when I was in hospital, they changed my normal Mirtazapine (only antidepressant that helps you sleep) for Duloxitine, which is a drug for diabetic neuropathy that is also an antidepressant, but that new medication honestly hates me, and the stresses of this week and the lack of sleep has really made my mental health suffer to the point I've had thoughts that absolutely terrify me. I won't act on them, thankfully, but it has spurred me to get these meds changed so I can at least be on my old meds again with something new for the neuropathy... watch this space I guess!!!

I have tried a few tactics to help me sleep, and boring and repetitive seems to be the way to go for me haha! So, many of you may know I absolutely love Pokemon and have done for years and the new game for Nintendo Switch is absolutely AMAZING (and so British it hurts haha) but I have however completed the Pokedex and the game so what to do next? Simple, SHINY HUNT.

I both enjoy and regret starting this, but its so boring and repetitive at times that it just makes me fall asleep so I'm gonna stick at it for now. Not only that, I may have caught the shiny bug at last!

With previous Pokemon games, I never really went out of my way to hunt shinies, if I got them then great but if I didn't then meh, whatever. But... with some friends at work doing the same and seeing how cool some of the new generation shinies look... I had to get in on it! My first one had to be Dreepy, that derpy dragon looking thing in the picture. There is a method called the Masuda Method in which you use a Pokemon (in my case, a Ditto) from a foreign country and if you have the shiny charm as well, you luck drops to 1.500something in getting a shiny to hatch out of an egg. 250ish eggs later, I got Dreepy! Next was Galarian Zigzagoon (which not shiny, is black and white and looks like it should be in KISS haha!!) but I wanted this one so when evolved into its majestic blue and red glory, I could call it David Bowie and after 62 eggs, I got him too! AND THEN we get Impidimp, and although not confirmed to be based on Lincoln Imp, we assume it is... but the shiny is so cool... try telling that to my brain and I should have given up because it took three/four nights of constant game play and 608 eggs lates, finally got the shiny little guy... but ho damn it was hell.

Supposedly another tactic is shiny encounters in the wild which I haven't done before so I am going to try that out over the next couple of days... and then back to eggs to get my shiny yellow Lucario for my team haha! I am slowly making a list of shinies I want to find so fingers crossed, that will keep me busy until the DLC expansion passes are out in June and Autumn this year.

My, thats a lot of Pokemon talk but honestly? Playing so much of it has chilled me out and made things a little better this week. It's honestly kept me going, given me something to look forward to whilst waiting for Jake to get home to me after work (I still hate being on my own) and it's giving me something to do in my lonely lunch breaks too! Which brings me on to something else I have been thinking about as well, especially with the shiny hunting and expansion passes coming out, but after mine and Jakey's streaming session on Saturday night (catch us next week on mixer playing Fortnite again), I think I want to use my personal mixer to stream Pokemon games, such as community days on Pokemon GO and well, the new content coming out, as well as shiny hunting cos supposedly people like that. Plus, Saturday just gone was the first time my Fortnite gameplay was live for people to see, and I think I had some alright moments... the buzz is real and I want to stream more!!! Especially if I can help raise more money for JDRF with it in the future too.

Well, that's it for my week guys! Ups and downs and geeky glory... pretty normal in my not-so ordinary world!!! Not to see what next week brings, alas... time to go do more shiny hunting haha LETS DO THIS! 

[[0004]] Week 1 Overview

Hello everyone! I've reached 150 pageviews, so thank you! I only hope from here out on out, the blog continues to grow and hopefully help teach people and support others too. I've decided that on each Sunday, to help encourage me with my diabetic control, that I will post an overview of the week, so in that I can see any trends and good days as well as any bad days and places that I need to improve.

1) Me and Jake before our first live stream of the year!

So to kick things off, what have I been up to? So, as well as starting a blog about type 1 diabetes, another New Years resolution that myself and my fiance had was to start live streaming a little more. This was because of the 24 hour event we did last year to raise money for one of my favourite charities, JDRF in which we raised just over £200 to go towards research into finding a cure for type 1 diabetes. We enjoyed the stream so much, and its also a dream of Jake's, that we wanted to start streaming more... so as of this Saturday, we will now be found on mixer (Queen and McBooty) every Saturday and once a fortnight (starting Tuesday 14th January) and we hope to keep this up throughout the year! We will also be participating in further 24 hour fundraisers for JDRF in the future, so keep a look out for us! And feel free to pop us a follow on mixer too~

2) Cuddles with my baby princess. Actual cuddles!

Since being taken into hospital last year and realising some big changes needed to occur in my life, I began taking a Wednesday off work. This is mainly to recuperate after two full days in a row at work, allowing me to rest up my foot before going back to work for Thursdays and Fridays. 

Don't get me wrong, I miss working full time, but this was for the best for me, and I am not losing out too too much now that Jake works full time too. I tried to work three days in a row last year and I was absolutely exhausted and in a lot of pain... so never again from here on out. 

So what did I do with my day? Spent most the morning with my two cats, Pom Pom and Magnus, in bed, as I was told by the other half to actually have a rest day and not touch any cleaning or tidying until the weekend haha! I won't lie, I had an amazing and chilled Wednesday morning, because Magnus came to sit on my chest (which she used to do a lot as a kitten to keep warm, but not so much anymore) and then she slipped to a small gap between my arm and side, and placed a paw over me like a proper cuddle and honestly, I had the most amazing nap like this, it was bloody wonderful! 

I have been struggling a lot emotionally this week, a lot has suddenly changed which is funny because I knew the changes were coming but they still hit me like a brick. I actually used to be really independent, and then I met Jake and realised I didn't need to be as much as a hard ass as I was before (trust me, there were damn good reasons as to why I was such an independent hard ass, but that is a story for another day). I may have got too used to having him around all the time, making me food and looking after me and so on, as this was the week he finally went on to his night shifts and even that they start three hours after my own shifts, that equates to an extra four hours of being home on my own, and then a whole day with my Wednesdays off too. It's sad, but I miss having someone to travel to work with and have lunch with then travel home and have dinner with, but I'm sure I will adjust in time... hopefully. Or pray he gets a day shift like me, I can live in hope!

Wednesday again was a weird one. I ended up needing to go to the shop, but couldn't find jeans to wear and cried about that and went back to bed to wake up to a massive hypo. So, I tried to wear Jake's jeans but I'm a lil too big in the butt for them to do up, so had a cry about that. I then cried because I stubbed my toe, and because Spotify came out of my account when it shouldn't have, and when I couldn't find socks and then because the house was too quiet and all in all, Wednesday morning was great but the rest was just utter stress. I got through it though. I just hope the next Wednesday off is better... I know the emotions and crying was because of the hypo... but oh God, I felt so stupid.

3) Bar graph of the weeks blood
test results.

SO, blood results and stats for this week! Because yes, I might not be in a Science role at the moment, but you can't take the Science of the ex-Masters biosciences student so graphs and stats can be sadly and oddly satisfying!

Both graphs display the same results, but I know for some people, one is easier to read that the other, so take a peak at whichever you like! (Personally, I prefer the bar graph because pretty colours but the line graph is much easier to read and see the changes in blood sugar results).

These results are dated from the 6th to the 12th January, and looking at the results, they are interesting.

I still haven't been able to stabilise my blood sugar results, which still infuriates me (and sometimes, makes me just want to give up with even trying).

4) Line graph of the weeks blood
test results.

I have technically had six hypos this week, although only five are shown on the graph. This is because when I took one of the results, the one that said 4.0, I ended up having a hypo on the bus home so had to quickly sort it out when I got off at the bus station, thank goodness for the local coop that is there! 

You'll also notice that towards the end of the week, I ended up having three hypos in the space of about 36 hours. I don't think I have mentioned this yet, but, I either have one hypo or three in a short space of time, no more, no less haha and I have honestly just got used to it! These hypos started just after midnight on Friday night, I was very tired so I think I went to bed early, woke up having a hypo, then woke up in the morning having another one. I was then fine for the rest of the day, then had one this Sunday morning when I woke up! Thankfully, we knew I would end up with a third so we managed to pick up some hypo drink and snacks yesterday so it was easy to sort out... the two hypos previous? Not so much... that ended up being a result of scraping together the last of the Christmas sweets and chocolate, two thirds of a pack of biscuits and Pepsi Max with sugar mixed in to it... it worked... but definitely not my ideal way of fixing my hypos.

Good news for next week however is that thanks to my Dad, we went food shopping today so managed to stock up on big bottles of sugary energy drink and a couple of other bits, so we should be okay for the next two weeks until our big payday! 

5) Weekly blood result stats

I guess I kind of did my own little science experiment with myself this week as well. On Thursday night, I left my insulin pen at work, which meant I couldn't have any dinner when I got back from work as no medication to counteract those carbohydrates, noooo! This was the day my blood sugar was 4.0mmol/L after I finished prepping a massive clinic at work. I could feel my lips going a bit tingly and my concentration draining, so I had a hypo drink and left to go home then realised I didn't have my insulin with me and I was absolutely famished! So began the hunt for finding food I could eat that I did not need to medicate for. 

When I was in hospital, I learnt that there are some foods and snacks that I don't need to do insulin for as they have no carbs or sugar in them and until then, I honestly had no idea about any of this at all! One of these things is cheese... absolutely no carbs so I can eat as much as I like and not need to do a drop of insulin and because I absolutely LOVE cheese, I could not have been more happy about this. But finding something cheap was going to be a lot harder. There was nothing in the shop near the bus station so I checked the one nearer to my house, and there they had these amazing mini sweet chilli peppers stuffed with cream cheese and when I got home, I devoured the heck out of them. My body was so ready. When Jake got back from work, I did another blood test and the result was still really good, 4.9mmol/L! That was because of the energy drink I'd had at work to stop my hypo and nothing to do with my peppers and cheese... so now I try to make sure I have more cheese and vegetable snacks so I don't have to med before I eat (which helps me feel a little bit more normal, which is nice in my not so ordinary little world). I've decided when our finances are a little better, I am going to do a kind of insulin fast in a way, where I will be able to check if my night time basal dose of Lantus insulin is correct, by only eating foods I don't need to medicate for (this includes meat as well as cheese, eggs, small bags of crisps and vegetables).

And finally, the overall blood stats for the week. I'd say to not pay attention to the average of 10.1mmol/L as this is a culmination of all the results, so does not take into account the blood sugar results when I have not tested. I am going to try to do more results next week as well as begin to count the amount of carbohydrates in my foods before medication, although I already know it may take me a little longer to adjust to doing that one. Overall, I am pleased with my evening blood results more so than my lunch time ones at work as for some reason, they always seem to run a little higher so I know I need to look into that further... but all in all, that is it for this week! And thank you all again for reading and sticking by me throughout this all!