[[0025]] Day 2 of Self-Isolation

And here is your daily report of the goings on in Queenie's brain at this most terrible of times in our country, our continent, our world.

Day 2  (Still waiting for the shit to hit the fan...)

So, day 2. I still think the novelty I mentioned yesterday, is still setting in... at the moment, I honestly feel kind of weird about it all? I'm not sure (for once) how to actually write how I feel about the self-isolation stuff, other than in the form of questions, such as , "When will the novelty wear off" and "How long till my mental health takes a hit"? And that doesn't even scratch the questions I have floating around in my cloud of a brain-fuck mind. 

One of the nicest things before I go on to some bad, before ending on some good (a mood sandwich?) was the other half waking me up with a bacon sammich in bed... a good way to start day 2 in iso!!! 

One thing I can say is that the things I (and others) have been expecting to happen, ARE happening. I forgot to mention yesterday, because I did not want to ramble, but with places closing, gigs and events cancelling, I have been waiting for the MUCC EU Tour to also cancel, what with the EU travel ban in place when they are due to fly over. So yes, it was to be expected, alas it has happened and I am very much devastated... even though I knew it was going to happen.

So, first thing... to cut a long story short in future posts... me and the other half were going to London mid April, about half a week after my birthday to basically see one of my fave bands (I've seen them 6 times altogether but have not seen them for 10 whole years) and also see friends, go visit museums (in particular, the Natural History Museum to buy an even bigger Triceratops plush named Captain Holt and a smaller Triceratops called Jake Peralta to go with my medium sized Terry Cruz Triceratops) and have some nice date meals out whilst chilling in a nice hotel in Angel and then go to visit my besties, Josh and Bridie, over in Wales. Alas, with the cancellation of the MUCC gig, and that theatres and cinemas are shutting alongside some shops and our back up plan of Harry Potter Studios AND because I may potentially be in iso for longer, the difficult but smart decision has been made to not go to London. It's fine, we can just go back another time, save up and do it all for the birthday this year and it is true, I can, alas, my brain is a little bitch and honestly, I needed this trip to London. Come my birthday, I will probably be stomping my feet like a pathetic child and stuff, because, after EVERYTHING I have gone through the last few months with my diabetes and ever-worsening complications, the countless bad news that I keep receiving, the nights I have cried because I want to turn back time and learn from my mistakes and be better now... I needed something for once, to actually work out for me. And it's been shot down and I'm just like "oh".

I don't think its sank in yet that everything for le birthday is called off... I'm not sure it will till we reach April... alas... I guess this is another "watch this space" moment for now. 

IN OTHER NEWS, I did something new! Well, new to me, and very nerve-wracking haha! I did my first ever solo live stream! You can check it out by selecting one of the links out over on the left (the QueenofGyarados one) or just click this link here! 

So Pokémon GO has actually made some nice changes since the Corona virus stuff started affecting the world, such as a box that cost just 1 coin which contains 30 incense, they increased the length of time incense lasts from 30mins to 1 hour, as well as more spawns in the wild, more regular drops of gifts from PoGO stops and I am sure I have missed some things out.

So what better time to stream than now with Pokémon GO, from the comfort of your own home! Yes, it is a game to play out and about and I intend on doing so once all this is over, but, they have gone out of their way to help make sure players are protected and still able to play and honestly, I think that is absolutely amazing!!! I have so much respect for them in doing this. Also, but I won't know for certain till the paid for ticket event unlocks tomorrow, but the event to get Genesect is released tomorrow and they have written on their Facebook page that the event will be easily playable without group contact, so that either means I can do a bit of it at home on my own, or hopefully most of it... so tomorrow I hope to send the Jake out on my Pokémon GO account to collect me balls (cos I am going to go through sooooo many streaming at home) and fingers crossed I can stream some, if not most, of the new event!!! (I've also just seen some of the rewards from the event... and am totally sold by the new avatar items!!!)

On another note, I absolutely love the game (and am still gutted I haven't been able to get out and about properly since last year and I miss the PoGO Lincoln peeps (and hate my health for limiting me)! I also want to stream something I am good at and this is quick and easy to set up, so why not? Also gives me a way to communicate with people, so people watch and comment and I can chat to them... and I figure this may actually help my mental health whilst I am off! I didn't set it up all by myself though... my mate Pete (who you can check out on twitch here) gave me some help when the internet was doing me a confusion... so thank you for helping my first stream work out kind of okay!!!

The stream went okay though, I think... considering it was my first one on my own and I was truly delving into the dark... and although I caught no shinies, it was a lot of fun!!! I must admit, I was proper anxious and you might hear it in my voice, but, I survived the whole hour and God damn I needed a cigarette from about the 10 min mark cos I was so anxious!!! Thankfully, one of the other half's friends, Hewey (such a babe ❤️❤️❤️) hopped in the stream for the full hour with me, so gave me someone to talk to which was so so helpful (and means less dead air as I have been informed that that is bad!) and I also found a home for my last shiny Torchic, so thank you so much Hewey!!!

Other than that, I haven't really done much else today. Although, after I have done with the blog, I am gonna try and sort out the bottom of the stairs in this house, finally chuck out some coats that just aren't me and shoes that have seen better days, as well as sort out washing... and I guess tomorrow I'll start work on the kitchen? I don't know why that's a question... probably because... ANIMAL CROSSING IS RELEASED TOMORROW AND OMG MY BODY IS NOT READY FOR THIS I HAVE WAITED SO LONG AND I JUST AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Okay, now that is out of the way...

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0020]] Week 8 Overview - I'm still a piece of garbage

Ha... ha... ha. This weekly overview post is bought to you by Fortnite, proving to the world, inadvertently, that I am indeed, in fact, a piece of garbage! You're welcome!!!

Seriously though, I joke a lot that I am trash and my friends joke that they are also trash so all-in-all, we are all garbage, just Fortnite just had to take it to another level and prove it to everyone that when I joke that I am a piece of trash, I am, in fact, really trash lmao! If you check out our gaming shizzle on (Facebook, Twitter and Instagram), you can see the video proof of the piece of garbage that I am, as I get stuck in a dumpster on Fortnite and get slaughtered by some... brute things.

On a serious note, I don't think I am really a piece of garbage, but there are times when I honestly do feel like trash and I guess I joke about it because it gets ya through it or something? This week has three quarters been a bit of a garbage week, and even if now I only consider a quarter of the week to be less garbage, on the outside it looks like the week has been better but on the inside there are some icky gross thoughts and I'm still diabetically burnt out if that is a thing... so on with the diabetes part of the week I guess!!!

So as you can see, I have not posted a blood test chart again. This is because I am honestly embarrassed and annoyed at myself that I haven't blood tested as much as I should just because I have reached that annoying point I have reached so many times before, which is that I am afraid to see what the metre is going to show me. I am hoping, like last week, that next week is a better week for me but we shall see. I cannot predict the future after all. 

The one thing I can say is that I think I have found the right amount of Toujeo long acting insulin to do, which is 26 units. My bloods have been okay when I wake up in the morning, which is amazing... and also really conflictingly confusing because I wake up every morning with the worst dry mouth of my life. But I guess that might be my new neuro meds combined with being back on my old antidepressants, but who knows? (I certainly don't...)

I guess you are wondering why things have been so bad? Well, I guess its my bad for trying to get on with life with the new changes and thinking that that will be enough for not and then BOOM, I get more bad news to do with my health, and it shatters everything, ya know? Long story short, found out a week or two ago I had CKD (I speak about it in this post) and now I have serious damage to my eyes due to type 1 diabetes. If you haven't read my previous blog post about this, you can check it out over HERE! So yeah, if it is not one thing, then its another and it's making things very difficult for me at the moment. 

I think the only other bad things are the fact I had major anxiety at work over a bloody telephone (I've worked there long enough, I thought I would be over it by now) and that one of the jobs I do a lot is changing to include more work and I am a little bit worried that is going to stress me out and up my blood sugars again and I am not too sure I am mentally prepared for that... alas, we will deal with that in exactly 10 hours I guess, haha!!!

Alas, all things aside mental health and diabetic-burnout wise... I've been thinking a lot about my future and what I want to do with it again. One thing I have decided, just not sure when I will do it (maybe after this blog post now I have reminded myself), is that I definitely do want to take the MA Creative Writing and Publishing degree at my local uni. I studied my BSc in Biomedical Science there as well as my integrated masters course MBio Biomedical Science and I honestly miss being in the learning environment and I also miss writing; I also want to complete one of my dreams in writing creatively and professionally before I am too sick to do so. It's morbid, I know... but, I want to do all of these things sooner rather than later. Yes, uni did stress me out a lot but... being in an academic environment helped my mental health a lot and I want to do every little thing I can to help my mental health and happiness. At this point, I have no idea if I will be able to do another Masters let alone if I can fund it (I guess GoFundMe is an option for that one just in case...) but... there is no harm in at least going to an open day... so maybe watch this space for some happier future times maybe? 

Something else I have been starting to realise of late is that I do want to eventually cut at least one more bank shift at work, maybe both. I don't know how I can do this, but going back to uni might be one way if I can get funding. But that won't be forever... and one thing I do know for certain, especially as neuropathy will eventually get worse and my legs pains get worse and we can't forget the kidney stuff too... I do want to earn some kind of pennies from doing some kind of work from home. So writing and my blog might help with that eventually but then we are gaming now too... and yes it is early days and we are a long long way away from earning anything decent from it, but it is the fact we have the basic equipment and we could eventually make something from doing something we love.

I've made some suggestions to the other half today which we have put in to motion! If you look above, we finally have a basic mock up for a logo! We are gonna change the colours and style each time the Fortnite Battle Pass changes, and this season, it's Spy themed so... here ya go! I also have been suggesting getting a twitter (I get way more interaction for gaming posts on Twitter then I do my own posts) as well as an Instagram and Facebook page (I linked these in the opening post, so please give them a look and follow!) so hopefully we can get a few more fans and followers over on mixer when we stream... and we will be one step closer! Next thing I am hoping we can do, is to pay for Mixer Pro, which should help with networking (thank you bestie Josh for that one!!!!) and last but not least... I am hoping that we can stream every time either or both of us turns on a console to game! I feel being super active might help but we shall see!!!

I got a new vape today by the way! I think I mentioned last week that I have decided to cut out drinking alcohol because the last couple of times that I have, I have ended up really sick which I think is due to my CKD. Next on my list is to try and quit smoking although this one I am going to find more difficult because it is my go to thing when I am not doing okay.

I have tried vaping before but they always make me cough worse than the CKD making me not breathe and the smoking... but the other half got a new vape that you can change the wattage on and turns out, that helped a lot!

I picked up this beast from 888 Vapour in my local town (also offers 20% discount for NHS workers too) and omg, I prefer it so much already! I can actually vape this how I actually smoke, the whole vape to lung instead of holding it in my mouth to cool and stuff, I can just vape it how I've needed to all along and omg, I feel so much better for it already. This one charges by USB C as well, which is a blood saviour cos they're the only cables I have, the battery is so much better as well as the battery life and I love that you can change the screen colour and see vape info and stuff as well. The kit I picked up is a brand I haven't used before, called Wismec R80 and we also got some V4 Nicotine Salt vape juice in melon ice, cherry ice and tropical mix. These are really high concentrations in nicotine which have genuinely helped people cut down... and at this point, I have a good feeling about this vape helping me. Let's see what the future holds!

LOOK GUYS I AM GETTING A BATH IN MY HOUSE OMG I HAVE WANTED A BATH FOR SO LONG, YOU HAVE NO IDEA I LOVE MY HOUSE AND I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR FIVE YEARS WITH JUST TWO SHOWERS AND JUST SOMETIMES YOU NEED A BATH AND LIKE I AM GETTING ONE AND MY DAD AND BROTHER ARE FITTING IT AND IT IS SO AWESOME AND EXCITING IT FEELS LIKE MY CHRISTMAS, BIRTHDAY AND HALLOWEEN ROLLED IN TO ONE HOLY CRAP!!!

Okay, so the left picture is after the tiles and wall were knocked down, lovingly known as the earthquake cos it kinda looks like an earthquake broke my bathroom and the brother. The builder who fitted the shower when we moved in was not good... didn't let the plaster dry, didn't use moisture board and long story short, I took a sit down shower and my shoulder went straight through the tiles... so, we needed a new one. BUT we are getting a bath and I am so happy I could cry. One of the main reasons I wanted one is that in a bath, I cannot feel the pain in my legs and the neuropathy in foot just disappears and it means for a solid half an hour, I can't feel anything in my right leg and it is the best feeling. The right is the work my dad and bro have done so far, and omg this time next week, I can have a bath and I cannot wait. My bath bomb from Lush is totally ready! We are planning on decorating as well... so we should be getting some nice grey lino for the floor and we have some nice blue bathmats that we will get some matching paint for... and honestly, I hope this inspires us to put some more love into our home and decorate it some more cos we be stuck here for a few more years yet until we can afford to buy (which I hope I can buy this one but who knows...)

And lastly... I have the greatest friends in the world. Josh and Bridie... thank you thank you thank you for always being there for me and restoring my faith in humanity and just being amazing. I love you guys and I cannot wait to see you in April (London and Wales trips in April are booked, and cannot wait!!!)

This weeks rating:⭐⭐⭐☆☆

Bye everyone!!!

[[0009]] Week 3 Overview

Well, I can safely say this week has been a lot kinder, thank goodness!!!

This weeks blood results chart.

I shall start with the weekly blood tests first, get the nitty gritty of the diabetes part out the way to explain the rest of the week!

The one big thing that I notice here is... WAY LESS HYPOS HALLELUJAH! There have been a couple but they have been a little simpler to deal with. And luckily for most of them, I had something at home for them (except last nights, where I had to resort to golden syrup on a spoon and some not so tasty out of fate mini marshmallows😫).

Week 2 was rife with hypos, but I received some tips from a diabetes group on FB about drinking something like milk before bed to help stop sugars dropping in the night, alas, only had hypo drink so I had a couple of sips of that and it helped with a couple of night time hypos (as you can see, I hypoed last night as nothing sugary for me to have before bed!!!). It's actually pay day tomorrow so I am planning on buying some milkshake powder and milk and plan on having either warm milk before bed or a milkshake, and hopefully that will help me stop having night hypos, so watch this space!

I have had a few more hi results but, these don't alarm me too much because the amount of his I am having nowadays is a lot less than last year, which is a massive relief. This means I am getting some kind of diabetic control back in my life. Its ridiculous as I have had the condition for 27 years and cannot remember a day without it but yet it has taken me all this time to get some kind of good results. Better late than never is what I keep telling myself, but... some damage has already been done, sadly. 

Me and my lil mini me.

All in all, it has actually been a pretty okay week. I got to spend a lot of time with my youngest sister Lola and her dad this weekend which has been absolutely lovely and has brought sooooo many smiles to my face! They recently moved to their new home which I am so honestly thrilled about, and I got the joy of making up some of their furniture (which is one of my super secret loves haha, give me flat pack any day friends!!!). It's just so amazing to see two lovely people so happy and just, omg, my face hurts from smiling so much. Plus OMGOSH Lola has some AMAZING toys that I so wish they made when I was younger, like this super cute modern little kids kitchen, which is all smart and silver and black and just WOW, love it! 

Honestly, my little sister Lola-Lollipop means the absolute WORLD to me. She asks questions about me having diabetes and I love explaining it all to her. This weekend I was telling her about all the cool food I can eat that I don't have to medicate for, as her dad bought us Peperamis to snack on and I learnt this week at work that they have no carbs in therefore, new snack I don't have to med for! SO AWESOME! Not only that, but, I love how smart and clever Lola is, and she honestly reminds me of me when I was a kid... heck, she even looks like I did when I was little which is so creepy scary cos we may have the same mom, but different dads! Love her so so so much and I am so so so so happy I got to spend the weekend helping her and her dad in there lovely and beautiful new home. It's so good to see her happy and smiling, and knowing she is happy and smiling makes me feel so super happy too 💓💛💚💙💜

Fortnite streaming shenanigans.

In other news, streaming is getting better and better! I had some salary sacrifice left over from work, so decided to use it to get me and Jakey McBooty a capture card for streaming and OMG it makes such a difference to our streams and I absolutely love it! We still aren't the most professional, but we are having so much fun with everything related to it and its helping me come closer to doing one of my three dreams, which is streaming Pokémon games! (And maybe Animal Crossing and Final Fantasy too!!!) I don't know when I am going to start streaming from my own channel as of yet as need to set up things with stream labs and work out streaming and audio from my switch but needless to say, this capture card is an absolute game changer and a half!!! Also got to stream with my lovely friend Pete and his daughter as well (who I have been informed is pretty damn good on Fortnite) and my brother hopped on as well... so much fun! Roll on future streaming days! 

We've been planning some illustrations as well as future things to stream as well, one being a couple night on Valentine's day with a lovely take out and drinks and potentially trying out Minecraft for the first time! Honestly, everything is so super exciting right now, I'm so happy!

Super Insulin Pen, the Super Hero of
Team Super Insulin.

Also this week, well, today actually, I applied to be a social media ambassador for my favourite charity, JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Fund). You'll see me talk about them quite a bit if I am honest, I love the work they do (and one of the taglines in the application thanks was "help make type one, type none!"and I love it. We fundraised for them for their Game2Give campaign last year in which we raised £200 for the charity, and we should be at least be doing that twice more this year as well (it's going to be awesome now we have a better streaming set up!!!). But no, it's something I have thought about doing for a while, what with writing this blog now, along with the fundraising in the past (altogether we've raised about £320ish altogether) and then my dissertation in which I made kid friendly leaflets explaining what T1D is and so on... using social media to help promote awareness for T1D research and finding a cure is something I just had to do. Which leads on to my second dream in which I would love to work more for Type 1 Diabetes, whether it remains social media and writing, to fundraising, talking to people and educating and so on... its something I need to do. Plus, once my health and medication is sorted out, I may look into becoming a community support ambassador for JDRF, attending events and liaising with others, raising more awareness and so forth. I'm so so happy I took this leap and I look forward to writing about future developments, and who knows, I might be able to get my diabetes illustrations to a bigger audience in the future! 

Bob and Betty,
the insulin producing
Beta cells of the pancreas.

My one last dream is to write a book of my life, or a screenplay, called "Ordinary World?"... maybe I will apply for that masters in creative writing and publishing... one step at a time though, I don't want to overwhelm myself!!!

So, next week doesn't look too bad... although I have my first ever appointment with the diabetes team at my local hospital on Tuesday which I am a little bit terrified about. I have not seen a diabetes team there in YEARS, for the sheer fact I hated going, hated how I was spoke to as a kid and just... I don't even know, I hated going. I have accepted it now though and for the sake of my future and mine and Jake's future, I do need to go. But I have so much I need to tell the doctor about... and not only that, this doctor doesn't know me like my nurses at my surgery do, he doesn't know my history and why my diabetes has been a trash show all these years... so for the love of all that is holy, I hope they understand because I don't want to be terrified of going again. I also know that I'll be doing one of my old favourite jobs on Friday at work, but I haven't done it since I went in to hospital last year, and I currently don't know how my foot or my nausea will cope with it... so... long story short, next week will either be absolutely fantastic, or horrible as hell.

As always, watch this space! And thank you to my new followers and for those who have read my blog! I noticed my more informative post about cold and diabetes has done really well, so I think I am going to try and do another informative post this week, maybe even explain how T1D happens with my old trusty illustrations!!!

Laters lovely people 💙 And thank you so much for sticking by me too.