[[0061]] For once in my life, my Mental Health is on point.

I actually have lost count of the days I have been "shielding" at home, which I can now say is exactly what I have been doing the entirety of this time away from the real world, ie, my lack of social life, seeing family and my job. But yes, I am actually shielding, especially from my job. I actually had a my assessment with Occy Health today which was daunting but the questions were better this time, and I did get moved from stage 1 to 2, but as I now know I can't wear PPE due to a breathing issue related to my kidneys which is STILL awaiting further investigation, I am still shielding from my job from here on out, so I am remaining stage 1 until I have at least seen renal. Which is a pressure off my mind with lock down releasing. But the diabetes and renal stuff is for another day.

However, I wanted to make this post about two things, which can be linked both together and apart.

Firstly, I'll be making some additions to my blog to show support for Pride and the LGBTQ+ community as it is Pride Month this June.

Secondly, mental health shizzle. Because yes, this is a diabetes and mental health related blog, however, mental health has been a crazy factor in my life, especially with my diabetes. 

So, for pride, I am adding some cute graphics I made for our streaming channel. I am bi myself, and I may not have had any kind of coming-out story as such, it kinda was like, just there (was told it would be a phase and that is probably the only bad thing I guess), I know it has not been so easy for many of my friends. So, if I can show my support with this blog, I can. This is the graphic I made for our overlays for our mixer channel, which we are gonna use for the whole month, so I am adding it to my block and it will sit here, forever. I'd like to think that my blog is a safe place, it's my safe place anyway because sometimes, I need to be able to just let off steam about my condition/s when I don't know where else to turn.

Anyway, as I said, I had no coming out story. I'm bi, that's that and bar being told it was a phase and proving peeps wrong, I just want peeps to know, that I am here and I am a safe place, if ever you need one!

But for the biggest matter at hand, and the name of this blog, it's time for the mental health low down. And honestly? My mental health is actually great. Which is funny when you think about it, and how I started this whole lock down, self-iso stuff... where I thought I was gonna feel lonely and that I would hate it and yes, at times, I have hated it, but... the last month or so, heck, 28 days since I wrote my last blog post, everything has been okay?

How do I know this?

1. I've been sleeping alright (considering the heat and the sudden random days I get nausea in the morning).
2. I'm managing my food quite well, and have just about managed to stick to 1500cals a day, thus, I have hardly been snacking, which is amazing. 
3. I have found ways to deal with my mental health, even if I found said things accidentally, but I feel great after well, the random ways I got to deal with things so that's a bonus. 
4. I don't feel the need to brighten my day with an advent calendar door each mornign anymore (sometimes, I forget to even open a door).
5. I'm finding things to do and keep me busy, thus only sitting down to do nothing if I am out of breath or tired cos of my conditions. 

There are probably some other things, I have no doubt. But, that's what I can think of at the moment... it's these things that are telling me that I am actually DOING OKAY. And considering my life has always been many shades of grey and an absolute mess, I can finally say I am realising a few things and slowly heading out on to a winner. 

I will admit, a lot of things have changed of late, namely, the live-streaming we do on mixer (Mixer Channel, Queen and McBooty. I think I have mentioned that I bought a chromebook on finance, mainly to do arts n stuff and even though it is a massive investment, it's paying off itself. In many ways. The main one being the fact I can do digital artwork now, which is awesome (after I have hated it for so long) but it's also helped us kick back into live-streaming games again, which is one of the main and massive reasons my mental health has improved.

It seems like a crazy little thing, just, talking. But talking to the game or people in the chat, knowing that someone, somewhere is listening, just makes me feel a lot less alone and vulnerable in my own head. Again, it's so silly, but I've streamed a few games now and the other half has been streaming a bit too, and we are slowly watching this small idea of live-streaming games, growing into something that could in a way, benefit me in the future. Okay, it's not the answer to our financial woes, but, if we continue to grow, it's an opportunity that one day, I can sit back once the pandemic is all over and maybe work less to help increase the control I have over the stress that seems to kill my diabetes. But, it's something.

And not only that, I am arting more, designing logos and chibis for streamers, I've designed our own graphics and overlays n stuff as well and I could continue to do this as I enjoy it quite a bit. It could be another stress free way to help deal with the stress that does bother my diabetes so much. 

It's all dreams, but they are dreams that could potentially become a reality some day. I mean, we have grown by 150 followers in a month, we've hit the ember goal last month and this month already, we have peeps tuning in to our streams regularly and merch is selling too (and damn, I love designing merch). It's a long way off, but I hope that me and the other half will be able to maybe one day reach the goal of partnership with mixer, maybe become affiliates with some big brands in the future too... I dunno, it's a long way off and bar waiting for a PhD with my fave supervisor or maybe doing a creative writing masters, I honestly feel like I have some things to look forward to in my life now, which is shocking considering the world is an absolute cock-womble of a mess right now.

I'm sure I'll ramble about our streaming escapades in the future, but I just wanted everyone to know I am actually okay!

Anyway, I'm still around, and I will go back to the diabetes posts and info shizzle soon! Have some plans for more art posts as well, so I can show you guys some stuff I have been working on (and I might set up a Fiverr account, who knows!) I'm hoping I hear back from JDRF soon too about social media shizzle plans. Either way... 

Stay safe everyone! 

[[0060]] Day 51 of Self-Isolation (The outside world is WEIRD)

Day 51 (and I guess 50 as well as this is a two for one)

Evening everyone!

Queenie calling in after another interesting couple of days in the diabetes world. Oh boy, it's been another emotional roller coaster that yet again, I did not sign up for.

It's been... interesting... and it shows me how much my diabetes is affected by my emotions and so on because jeez, my bloods react to ANYTHING when it comes to emotions and it is honestly frustrating as hell. 

So, guess I should explain what has been happening?

I had to have my kidney blood tests again to see if the eGFR (kidney function) was stabilised or slightly improved with the 4mg blood pressure tablets. Seems simple, ya know, one vial of blood? HA nope. Not at all. (I believe I mentioned I would be going out for bloods in my last type 1 diabetes post yesterday).

So, I wrapped up warm, I drank about a litre and a half of water at home yesterday before heading out and had breakfast as well and everything was fine. Like, got to the doctors and only had ten mins to wait for my appt and yeah, everything was absolutely fine. Went in, felt hydrated and warm... all was good. 

And then the bad thing happened. What is the bad thing? My blood said NO. My veins were a fat (technically they're tiny but you get the idea) NO. even my hands and wrists said NO which is funny cos can usually get it out my wrists.

So what happened? Well, I was in the room for 45 minutes, and the lovely nurse tried a good three times and couldn't get the blood, we even warmed my hands under boiling water, as well as holding a glove full of water and the blood just would not happen. So, she called in a lovely guy named Ian (he's like a doctor but not I think) and he gave it a go, a solid three times, and nothing. He even went for my wrist and that didn't work. Ian came up with an idea of maybe drinking and hydrating more then trying again in 20mins, so, I went and sat in the waiting room for 20mins, drank 9 cups of water, which I think equates to another litre and a half of water, maybe more. There was a guy in the waiting room, bless him, who should have been seen at 9:10am but wasn't seen until half past because of me so I obviously apologised profusely haha! I get called back in... the nurse tries twice again and nothing... and one of my other fave nurses, Carol, came in and she tried and just nope. Prodded nine time with needles in one day and I was totally done. I think they could see I was so damn frustrated about it all plus I don't wanna go to the hospital for bloods at the moment so I know they did everything they could. I think I was just major mad at myself for my body just being an ass.

I think I have written about this before tbh. I have always had a bit of a problem with having blood tests and have done for the last couple of years, maybe a bit longer, maybe like 8 years? And I always joke that I should not be diabetic cause I can't seem to handle a simple blood test. I think it just largely upsets me (hence my facebook rant about it yesterday) because I do honestly try so hard before my blood tests, by drinking loads, wrapping up warm and like, exercising my hands and arm to get the blood running but... it just never seems to work. The only thing that does work is this one woman at the hospital in haematology, I don't know her name, but she can always get it out of me and normally it's around 3 or 4pm... but no way am I waiting in haem right now, no way. 

I got home anyway, and I just felt terrible. I think I went into shock as well after being stabbed by so many needles (which is hilarious because I don't mind blood tests in the slightest, the colour of blood to me is fascinating) but like, my bloods shot up, I went kinda clammy and I think I just went to bed because I was honestly just so done with everything for that one day.

The nurse booked me to come in today, well, double booked me with my other two favourite nurses, Carrie and Gina whom I absolutely love so much. (Turns out we should have waited a week but oh well). Carol also said, doesn't matter how sunny it is, layer up loads and drink even more... so, that is what I did today, as well as some exercise on Just Dance beforehand.

So the first two pics haha! So I went to the surgery yesterday in a tee and a fluffy hoodie... and today? It was a tee, a hoodie and my fluffy coat for seeing Skindred. And some thermal socks and my super warm trainers. I. WAS. BOILING. Like so bloody boiling, I was sweating and I could smell myself, it was absolutely grim. Thankfully, I didn't go through the waiting room this time... which I will explain.

I got to the surgery an hour and ten early today... because the buses are crazy right now. Usually the number 1 is every half an hour but it is now it's one every 45mins, then 1hr 15mins... so I either got to the surgery an hour and ten early or ten mins late... so I went early. Figured, there is a bench behind the surgery on some grass so I could grab some lunch and more water and just wait till I needed to be seen... but I actually bumped in to one of my nurses, Gina, and she said if Carrie was free, they would try and get me in earlier. They didn't disappoint either, I was in at dead on 1pm instead of 1:30pm! Carrie came out in her PPE finery and called me in through one of the back entrances to the surgery, queue both nurses giggling as I said I had never been in the back way before haha!

Speaking of going in the surgery... it was weird yesterday. Like, the buses are still observing their protocols that I mentioned on day 16 of self-isolation. But I hadn't seen my surgery until yesterday. They've moved two rows of chairs in the waiting room, you can't really talk to the people on reception unless you hover for a bit and you have to ring a bell to get access to inside providing you have an appointment as well. Everyone is in masks n stuff and yeah, it's both weird but cool how my surgery has adapted to the big virus. But yeah, today I went through the back way, well, through a fire exit that went into like a sink, cleaning nurse station thing into the nurses room haha, I felt so naughty haha!!

I did think things were going to fail. Carrie managed to draw blood but the blood wouldn't do what it was meant to do and go down the tube/into the syringe. She tried three times though, and ended up calling in Gina to have a go. We had all been laughing and joking about the whole thing anyway, just because my body is an arsehole and why is there no like rules for being diabetic of which one should be being able to have a blood test nice and easily with decent veins haha!!!

Thankfully, Gina had a feel and got it first try, and OMG I was so happy I could have cried. She managed a decent vial as well which was a bonus too.

She did say a few things though... as I have always been curious as to why my bloods have got worse over the years. And honestly, no-one really knows. But, it was an issue my gran had but no-one else in my family so could maybe be investigated if it continues to be an issue. ANYWAY, we agreed that next time, they should wait a week to do more bloods so that my veins have time to recover from being poked so many times, which I can see where she was coming from because I feel that Carrie would have got the blood first time had my right arm not been stabbed to death yesterday. Like the blood was there, but my veins supposedly have this ability to collapse/close up when a needle appears, which you can imagine, is frustrating as hell. It could also be potentially kidney related, what with the microvascular system being very closely related to kidney health and function... so the best and only thing that can be done is to wait till the afternoon for bloods at my surgery and also to drink wayyyyy too much. (Also, my blood is far too thick for a solid 3-4 hours after waking up, which with small veins, is a problem).

Anyway, they got the blood. I was happy. I have not felt this good in a while. And hopefully, its the last of the needing bloods for at least a month and half, well, June sometime, whenever my next renal appt is. I won't lie, I crashed for four hours, so maybe the onslaught on my veins does actually make me feel not okay even if I don't mind the blood tests themselves... but either way, it is blood damn well done, finally (lol). 

So yeah, emotional roller coaster. Thank God for my mental health calendar, the fact the coop in BBH had one box of my fave monster and well, my anti-depressants. I do feel like I could have been so much worse, but lately, I seem to have this uncanny ability to bounce back after a few hours, which I never used to be able to do. It makes me wonder if it is because I am not at work and stressed out therefore I am actually focusing more on myself and my needs and well, learning about how I work, I don't know. I feel like yesterday should have broken me and if I am honest, if they hadn't got the blood out today, I think that probably would have broken me as well, but it all worked out in the end so thank God we didn't have to wait and find out if I was gonna freak out. Either way, I still think this is the best my mental health and diabetes has been for years. Maybe I am meant to be an at home kind of work person? I don't really know.

It's given me stuff to think about anyway.

Before I sign off, I want to show you a ring that my amazing keyworking other half got for me cause of, well, all the stuff going on at the moment. 

"Keep (fucking) going."

Never have truer words been said.

That is it from me tonight! Time to share the heck out of this blog and get that view count up again!!! One day I will get adsense on this account, ONE DAY!

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0058]] Day 45 of Self-Isolation

Day 45 (I'm still not sure the end is in sight yet, yes the peak has gone but... I just don't know anymore)

Good afternoon everyone and welcome to the self-iso diaries of a Queenie who is actually feeling somewhat sane, praise be to Jeebus. Anyway, we are on day 45 now and half way through week 7 of being at home and honestly, I think I have adjusted okay... like I know I could be feeling worse and I am not, and for that, I am grateful!

It was the last day on my Harry Potter advent isolation calendar! And it was a good day as well, just look at the lovely bandanna I got! I'm not sure what to do with it, but I may find somewhere cool in the office to hang it as I love the design!

It is honestly such a lovely print and I think it is definitely one of my favourite items from the calendar. I love the socks and deathly hallows necklace and key chain too and the cute stationary items will have a lovely home in my Harry Potter pencil cases (plus finally, a decent sized pencil sharpener, wooo!). The socks are cute as well, really like those. And of course, I am a sucker for silicon wristbands so we all know I absolutely love them. 

But yeah, that is everything I got with the calendar! Honestly, one of my best buys. I have noticed that the one for this year is up for pre-order on Merchoid and I am very tempted to get it for Christmas this year. I've said it before, that my diabetes would be better off with a geeky and no chocolate calendar for Christmas and would also help to curve the mid-morning highs I get over Xmas as well, but we shall see!

As you may be aware, I bought the calendar to help give me a boost in the morning and give me something to look forward to each time I wake up to another day at home. And you know what, bar some tiny mishaps like running out of rizla for example, my mental health has actually been pretty okay. Like, I know for fact that it could have been really up-and-down, but it's been somewhat stable which is such a relief as it reflects in my blood sugars as well. So, all-in-all, I think the calendar was a success. If you can afford to do something like this while stuck at home, do try it, it's honestly worth it. Starting your day with something to be excited about is a great way to deal with the bad things going on at the moment, it has helped me a ton!

But alas, I still don't know how long I am going to be at home... and the calendar has run out? What do I do?

Well, I mentioned in my last blog post that I was going to buy another calendar and after scouting the internet on pay day, I found the one... last years Marvel 80th Anniversary Pop Vinyl calendar! It actually arrived yesterday which I was shocked about as it was sent second class signed for and I think was posted on the 29th... but yeah, it came yesterday and not on the 4th and damn, its a hench boy! 

Eeeeeee look at it!!! I am so excited to open my first door on it tomorrow! I think door 17 is Doctor Strange but I can't remember. Either way, there are some awesome mini pop figures in here and having a new one each morning for another 24 days is going to be so much fun! I might look in to getting one of those like storage shelf cabinet thingies for them, like what gran's put thimbles in, and like hang it up... but we shall see! 

Again, I do like the look of these calendars for Christmas but they are pricey, so I may just wait till sales to find them if I can. I know there was a Fortnite one and a Harry Potter Yule Ball one, which I might get the latter if I can find it cheap anywhere as it is quite cute in itself... but that is for another 24 days time! I have a new one to play with now and I am so so so fucking excited, you have no idea! I am actually already so happy to wake up tomorrow and all the other days, it's just awesome!!!

But yeah, I am open to any other mental health ideas! And happy to share some of mine as well! The advent calendar is one thing... but drawing is also helping me a lot as well and I have been doing it nearly every single day. So I do advise it, if you can! 

I'm also appreciating music a lot more now I have the time to as well. A lot of my fave bands have uploaded stuff to youtube or are livestreaming old lives over on youtube, which is awesome! I have watched most of MUCC's every Wednesday but I have also watched a coupld of Gackt lives and Buck Tick are showing stuff on Saturday as well! Diru did a live without an audience a few weeks ago as well. All of them have been awesome and it is so cool that they are doing this! The video for MUCC's new album is out too and I am honestly so excited to get the album when it's released, hopefully (fingers crossed). I do hope GazettE do something as well, or Hyde/Vamps but I am happy with what is available, it is so awesome! 

Other things that are helping me at the moment include Animal Crossing, seriously, it's so cute and just, I can't think of anyone who doesn't like it or play it daily. I know it keeps me chill as part of my morning routine. Which brings me on to another point... routine!!! OH man, this is so important, and I obviously miss work because it gives me routine, however, I have made my own new routine that I seem to be sticking to quite well. And I am trying to add more normal things into the routine, such as shower/bath and so on. The recent thing I have added to my routine is an hour or so work out using Just Dance Unlimited which is now an important part of my day as I figured I needed to do some kind of exercise now most of the house is sorted out. I haven't hugely gained weight since I have been at home but I have wanted to loose some for a while, so next to eating a but more healthier and now my daily exercise, I hope it contributes in some way! The other half has also ordered some scales for me too, so I can see how much I weigh once a week, see if what I am doing is helping me!

If I think of ought else, I'll be sure to post about it!

But, alas, I must go and do more art! Hoping me and the other half can live stream some more once all the graphics are complete and I am so damn excited! A streamer we know, Simply Corey, has asked for a chibi piece of her too... so fingers crossed I can finally do art commissions! 

Don't the graphics look fab on our Twitter? Haha I have loved making them and making everything match at long last! Definitely feel a lot more professional about the whole streaming thing which is awesome and I do hope that we can stream a lot of Fortnite for you this weekend!!! Watch this space, tune in to Mixer and follow it, Queen and McBooty!

Anyway, I have art to finish so... stay safe, stay home, be kind to one another and all that jazz!

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0057]] Day 42 of Self Isolation

At least I think it is day 42? It has been a while and I would like to say I have been busy... well, as busy as I can be given circumstances I guess haha! The days are drifting into weeks and months and now I think I have definitely hit the limp week feeling between Christmas and New Years!

Day 42 (It is nearly the end of week 6!) 

Afternoon friendos and apologies for disappearing again alas, now that most of the tidying is done, there isn't really much to update. Like, nothing is changing or any different, the same old really is the same old each day and just yeah, bar wanting to kill my neighbours on a daily basis because they are so damn loud, I am doing alright. 

I have in all fairness, got a lot of things to distract me at the moment which is a good thing, not always, but for how the world is at the moment, distractions, I feel, are okay.

Like my advent calendar for example. It's on day 21 at the moment so it is nearly over but fear not, I selected my new one yesterday and the 80th Anniversary Marvel Pop Vinyl calendar is coming at the end of the week so that, I am super stoked about (I watched an unboxing video and saw Dr Strange in it which insta sold it to me straight away!).

The doors with the current one have been a pleasure to wake up to though, just check out the goodies over there haha! Another cute stamp for when I hope I can eventually write letters and send cards, a Ravenclaw pin (which I believe will be commandeered by my other half), another patch I'll probably stick on my office wall and my favourite, the two vinyl wristbands, of which the black one I am going to wear the heck out of because I love anything Marauder's Map!!!

Speaking of goodies, my parcel from NeoTokyo arrived yesterday as well, my second Jrock LP! And my, it is actually beautiful! (And yes, we have a vinyl player...)

LOOK AT IT!! The album is fab on it's own but as an LP, it's stunning. I am actually in love. I think I am going to move the vinyl player into my office for a bit the next couple of days so I can listen to some good old vinyl magic whilst the other half is at work! It also looks bloody fantastic next to my Dir en Grey LP as well... and I do hope Ganshin keep producing these LPs for awesome Jrock stuff cos omg, I am such a sucker for things like this.

I may not be seeing MUCC this year, maybe next year, but at least this and there little TV youtube spot partially makes up for it! (Roll on tomorrow for week 6 with Yukke cos damn am excited for that new album). 

I actually bought myself something to help me exercise as well. I have been thinking about this for while because I struggle to get motivated to exercise, but I do game everyday. I also used to love games like Just Dance and stuff and I know I can work up a sweat playing them, so I figured I'd get the new one for Switch and it came today, just in time for week 7 of lockdown and 7 is a good number for me. It's a positive change that I do hope will help me out... plus I used to dance a lot when I was younger anyway and I was much fitter back then. SO here we go! I hope it works. Gonna exercise slow in the beginning cos don't want to overdo my poor heart and its hypertension but hoping to ease into a good hour work out five days a week which I hope is enough for me to get a little bit healthier, what with the healthier meals that I have been eating of late too. After all, I am getting old now so... kinda need to put some extra effort in! Plus, saw a couple of Kpop songs on here too, like 2NE1 and others, and I can get a free month membership to unlimited which I may abuse for songs I like haha!!! So who knows, maybe in the next five weeks, I might start looking a bit more like I want to! Or at least feeling a bit healthier in myself.

I have ordered a couple of other things... well, the NHS Skindred tees because... well... it just had to be done. I ordered a massive one so I can wear it like a dress with my future Benji Webb coat and shades. I cannot wait till October to see them here on my home turf again! Love Skindred so damn much. I'm looking into finding a cool fluffy black coat as well as the spikey shades which I have found on ebay and now that MCR is postponed till next year, gives me a lil more freedom to get a few more bits I wouldn't normally be able to get.

I have decided, since talking to the other half, that I am going to try and reach out to our neighbours next door to our neighbours as they have been having problems too with well, the bad neighbours. We've both contacted the landlord and it has done nothing, so we suspect dodgy letting. Can we get the police out on that? Either way, the lady who is also having problems also suffers with mental health stuff so I can completely relate to her at this moment in time as I don't like living every damn day next door to rude arseholes. So, watch this space for the updates on that. I am not sure how I can help but I will try because I know I am definitely suffering with their bull crap.

I guess, I am going to go back to the drawing grind now, which is why I am writing this post in the afternoon and another reason why I am not posting as much. Got a big project under way for streaming channel stuff, so be sure to check out my art page for updates as and when they happen, Aluria Arts. 

You can check out this blog post for links to other digital work I have done too Pokemon Art Work Here! MY skills are increasing each and everyday so fingers crossed commissions can be opened up digitally soon to help pay off the laptop and buy new art things... so as per usual, watch this space!

Anyway, time to art!

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0056]] Day 37 of Self-Isolation

Radio silence keeps creeping in. I am so sorry friends, but its okay, I am still here, just had nothing to really write home about haha!

Day 37 {And we are in to week 6... I think... I am kinda loosing count).

Afternoon!

I will first say, as stated in the above mini thing, I am so sorry for the radio silence! But honestly, I have not done a huge amount since Sunday other than arting, Animal Crossing and loafing around in my PJs whilst ignoring my mental health. Oh well, shit happens. I am taking it one step at a time slowly to get through the mental health jargon (I talk about mental health on this diary post, be sure to check it out!) 

So, today, I had a bath (in the middle of the day no less, oh my!) and I have actually put clothes on, and I intend on trying to do this the next few days, more specifically, after I have had my breakfast (which means I also plan on making sure I am up no later than 9am). I was going to make more of an effort today and do some kind of goth Slytherin pride aesthetic, but I forgot I chucked loads of  black shirts and I am too fat for the other half's shirts so Miyavi merch it is. Either way, I am glad the red is holding in my hair at least! And it still looks vibrant considering I redyed it before my birthday a couple of weeks ago. Gonna try and style or at least look after my hair as one of my mental health baby steps, but also make sure I remember to clean my teeth as soon as I remember too as well as remember to take my tablets in the morning, cos I keep forgetting. And if I ain't in the mood for nice clothes, big hoodies and gig merch is also okay. 

I've also been super busy arting whilst I have been off, but this time, I have been doing some traditional work!

I am going to be sliding back into some digital work now this piece is done (check these links to view previous arts Rillaboom and Espeon, Lugia and Marshadow). But, I don't ever want digital art to take away from traditional, I just want it to be a new skills I have acquired which will be beneficial for graphics and quick commissions; traditional art is always going to be my home, no matter how expensive the materials are or how much the pressure from shading makes my hand and wrist hurt. This Eeveelution piece has taken me WAY too long, but I am glad it is finally complete. And for once, I like more things about it than hate, such as cute derpy Eevee and Sylveon's colouration, as well as Umbreon and Vaporeon... all in all, it was a damn fun piece to do! It has actually given me an idea for a rainbow piece I want to do with Eeveelutions, cos I wanted to stick this in the window so people could see it and be happy but I don't want the sunlight to ruin it. Before I round off this art post, be sure to check out my art page on facebook, Aluria Arts).  

OH YEAH, I have seen my friends... don't worry, we social distanced! They have a wall and we stand on one side and talk to them in their doorway and we have a chilled smoke together and a chat, and you know what, I kinda live for those days... cos it means I get out and I see people and it... it just makes everything feel better. That being said, said friends are honestly absolute LIFE SAVERS. Not only did they help me out with unsalted butter for baking blondies last week, but they dropped me some rizla yesterday as the other half took the box he bought to work and after I rescued their parcel from porch bandits, I asked if they could grab me some zero sugar energy drink cos the other half forgot, and they got me a sexy bottle and FINALLY, the other half didn't leave me enough bacci for today (which could have made me enter the now aptly named hell zone) but it's okay, cos friends saved the day! And just... this would all be so much harder if we didn't know such amazing people. Love you guys ❤️❤️❤️

Speaking of friends, my cat has left me for trash pile in the sun. I don't blame her, the weather is lovely, but seriously... cat... why? That is rubbish for the skip you silly moose and it will not be there forever (even though it feels like it at the moment!) At least I can guarantee she will have her happy tower of crap for another couple of weeks, if not longer haha. It's the fact she also has her own tunnel to get to the bottom of the garden as well as a climbing tower and a bloody box to sleep in at the top. She is honestly living the trash queen dream. Silly kitty. 

But yeah, she now ignores me cos she has the new love in her life. Until it gets cold at night, then she will come in and not leave me alone. 

Lastly, the Harry Potter advent calendar for mental health. Again, I cannot stress enough how much I love opening this in the mornings when things seem gloomy. We are reaching the end now though, well, about just over a week left, so I need to look into buying a new one for the remainder of time I am stuck indoors, maybe the pop figure one... hmmm...

Anyway, I have loved the little gifts for each day recently! Some cute lil pencils and a pencil sharpener and I already have a pencil case waiting for them, but also this cute Gryffindor pin (for when I am not feeling all Slytherin pride as I do atm) and a deathly hallows keyring which is going straight onto one of my bags cos I am a sucker for keyrings of any kind... and my Harry Potter bag has quite the collection. I wonder what tomorrow will bring?

Well, that is it. Like I said, not much is going on. I am just taking each day as it comes and I try to do some kind of activity each day. I think dance exercise might be next... need to speak to the other half about getting Just Dance for the Switch, so we shall see what happens.

Stay safe friends, stay healthy, stay happy!

Over and out, mes amigos!

[[0054]] Day 31 of Self-Isolation

I nearly forgot to write this because I was too busy doing an art again. I want to say sorry, but I am not. 

Day 31 (Okay... turns out I do have some mental health shit going on, I've just been ignoring it).

Okay so I am so sorry this is late, I really am, but I may have been arting on the Chromebook again and... I just... I just lost myself haha

I drew a Lugia!!! Haha one of my faves and turns out, one of my bosses all time faves too so I had to  give it a go!!! I also decided that if any of my friends or work mates like Pokemon and to practice and get used to stuff, I am going to just rando draw people pretties! Figured, life is hard atm so sometimes something happy can't go wrong in the grand scheme of things... and means I can learn skills and all that jazz.

I have a long way to go but at least my work is not terrible. I might watch some tutorials tomorrow to learn some more about shading and blending and stuff but... for now, I am happy with what I have been making on the Chromebook! I hope you all like it too (AND totally check out my art page, Aluria Arts).

I'd like to think this arting is helping my mental health but I am beginning to wonder if it is just a distraction so I don't deal with said mental health. I have a thing that I do when things are not great, and it is always that one thing I never notice I am doing, until it has gone on for a while and then I realise and it's not that it is too late, more just, why could I not realise this sooner and deal with it. Long story short, I just get really bad at showering or having a bath and washing my hair and stuff when my depression is just being well, annoying. I also tend to obsess over things a bit, for example, the artwork. Don't worry, I have finally had a bath but it has been a week. I just need to figure out what is going on in my head. I have ideas, such as not going out, not having structure, diabetes going a bit weird the last couple of days... it could be anything. My assumption is the biggest problem is staying at home and not seeing people. But I also accept that this is how it is because the last thing I want is another trip to hospital cos my kidney has decided to give up cos I have developed corona virus.

I think I'll come to terms with the fact I can't do anything about it... but, I do wish I could.

Tomorrow is another day and I at least have Jake home this weekend so that is something.

I was actually meant to be in Wales now with my besties and the other half after an amazing trip to London. I have counted my loses, shit does happen, but... it does make me sad. I miss so many people. I miss work. I miss friends. I miss my family... bleh.

In happier and less depressing news, my adorable mini hype unicorn bag came today... it is actually bigger than I thought it would be but it is cute as heck and I can't wait to use it out and about once this is all over.I have also realised that I have erm... bought a lot of things I would erm... wear out the house, but can't at the moment. It's fine, I can wear it all in the house and pretend I am a pastel goth princess but... it kinda is not really the same!!! Oh well, docs and cute bag tomorrow in my pjs it is. LMAO

Well, last but not least... whats behind door number 10!!!

Washi tape!!! I am sooooo gonna use this in the office. I think I might like stick up some cute Harry Potter pictures and use this to like decorate the corners, I don't know. Either way, it is adorable! Roll on door number 11!!!

Okay, I need to go to bed... and again I am so sorry this is a late one!!

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0051]] Day 28 of Self-Isolation

And it's taken four weeks... and my house is nearly presentable!!! Not much longer to gooooooo!!!

Day 28 (Week 4 is ending, week 5 will soon begin!)

Heyyyyy!!! 

The end is in sight for my cleaning escapades, can you believe it? Because I can't. When I started, I never thought I would see the end but... it's actually getting there. A couple more bits to put up in the office, then some hoovering throughout and a couple of extra bits and pieces and boom, it's done, I will be a respectable adult for once in my life.

I am really happy with the office though, like, so happy! It is my mission today to get it finished because I have my special new arty laptop arriving tomorrow and I cannot wait!!!

But first, here are a couple of sections I have finished in the office today, I hope you like it as much as I do!!! 

I'm really sad and I kept my uni final presentation dissertation poster as well as my text books and I even bought the mortarboard hat thingy too because I am a sad sap like that and memories haha! Before, my text books were all stacked in front of my desk and the poster was rolled up and the rest of my uni stuff was in bags, but I have been able to get all my old uni notes into a drawer and I have put the books out on show as well. I even stuck up the award certificates I got for my college course and my Masters! I will get frames for them one day, I just wanna be able to look at them. The picture next to the bottom certificate was one my Grandma printed and had stuck in her office from when I graduated college, it has the date on it and says "I'm so proud of you Keita" and it's honestly the sweetest thing. I stuck my dissertation poster up for the sheer fact I loved my self-designed diss project and got to work with art and science... my two loves all rolled in to one!!! But yes, that be now my intelligent space, because sometimes I need reminding that I have brain cells and have actually done well for myself.

I have also started sticking other bits and pieces up around my office as well, starting with my now art desk. I found all the bits and pieces I had stuck up before, some of my own work and a few from artists I used to know or still know and poof, pretty art display to keep me inspired! #

I have loads of bits stuck up here and I am going to stick some Doctor Strange and Sherlock shizzle up there as well at some point, but these are the most important pieces I had to put up. There's a couple of the A3 pieces I've done and other bits and bobs, as well as my Kamijo drawn by the lovely Misa, a few pieces from my friend Luna and Gyarados by Chu as well as some of my characters drawn by the awesome Boo! Pride of place will always and forever be my characters drawn by the amazing Marit, who I have not seen or heard from in years. I managed to get to know her after being a big fan of her artwork on DeviantART but I think she may have disappeared off the face of the Earth, alas, I still love her and her work, so I'll always have it up where I can see it! Either way, art space is awesome.

My bookshelves are done as well but I haven't brought the armchair down yet and moved the table so that may be a tomorrow jobby. I also managed to get the other clothes rack made up for the music room today and was able to hang up all the rest of the music merch, so bar stuff to stick on the walls, the music room is also shaping up nicely too. I still need to put all the clothes away in our room and hoover everywhere, and re-spruce the living room and kitchen but... it is actually getting there, my house is actually looking nice.

But I must admit, my head space is in a much better place then it was a couple of weeks ago and it kind of is true what they say, the whole tidy house, tidy mind shizzle. Like, I am more than geared up to do the old things I used to love before I got bogged down with life. Putting all the books away and organising them has made me excited about reading again, and having my desk set up for art is making me excited for arting again too. Might even do some art trades... who knows. Get commissions going again, do some art for myself too maybe, who knows?

You saw me mention about a shiny new pretty I have arriving tomorrow. Well, you may have seen my favourite laptop is dead and there be nothing in the office for me to use for my art and writing needs but, after talking to some friends about options and possibilities, I signed up to PC World for finance and am getting a pretty decent artist laptop which is arriving tomorrow. It even comes with a Wacom pen so the potential to do digital art is now an option as well... although need to investigate what programs peeps have been using and stuff first cos, free is friend lmao! It's also a 2-in-1 laptop so I can flip it over and use it as a tablet and a drawing pad kinda thing. It's proper cool.

I have been proper anxious about the whole thing mind you though. I hate the idea of credit, but, I technically did a 2 year plan to pay off my phone with O2 and it is pretty much the same deal so I feel a bit calmer about that at least. But it's such a large amount of money but I know I can just treat it like another monthly bill. I could have just used the Lenovo we got for gaming and streaming, but I wanted something that I could solely use for art and writing and potentially for uni if I manage to get a PhD or do a creative writing and publishing masters. I probably could have just survived without but... I need something to art with, and if the other half is streaming, or the Lenovo is set up for me to stream the switch, I don't wanna be faffing carrying the Lenovo around the house and what have you, especially with my falling over tendencies.

Either way, I got a pretty, it comes tomorrow and I am more excited than anxious now, thank God! But I am still a bit anxious cos BIG commitment. 

Anyway, I will end today's post with the lovely opening of door number 7 of my mental health advent calendar!!!

Today was a cute little Christmas magnet, which I am still gonna put on the fridge even though it is not currently Christmas. What is life without a bit of whimsy?

That is it for tonight's blog though, I hope you're looking forward to tomorrows and more exciting pics of things I have done to my house!!!

Stay safe friends, don't kill each other.

Over and out, mes amigos. 

[[0049]] Day 26 of Self-Isolation

Honestly, not watching the news is actually really refreshing. I've not thought about what is going on in the world all weekend because I have been so busy and you know what, it is actually nice.

Day 26 (It's all cool here.)

So, whats crack-a-lackin?

I honestly have no idea what is going on in the world right now and you know what, I don't really care. I am in a proper good place this weekend and it's just actually so nice. 

So, it is Easter Sunday!!! And that means panic rush buying Easter eggs because I always forget to buy them and tbh, I just have not been out to buy them... and the other half didn't have enough hands or bags to carry them back later.

But, he went out, and he want mad... but it's awesome. And it all tastes sooooo good, plus, the Peter Rabbit plush can go with my Peter Rabbit money box I have had since I was teeny. I must add, I have also done a butt load of insulin today for this one -of-three binges on bad stuff I have a year, and I have kept everything reasonably in range which is bloody shocking considering. I think I am learning!!!

We also went and took some Easter treats to our friends just over the river from us too. They have a front garden with a wall, so we were able to social distance and have a chat and a catch up today as well which was so lovely!

In other news... my office desk is now no longer a mess, or covered in uni work... it has now been artified at last! All ready and prepared for when I get back in there to art m butt off.

 I won't lie, it has taken the best part of a day to get it looking this decent, and tbh the laptop is only there for show... I've not actually attempted the whole recovery disk procedure yet and I still don't know which of the other half's monitors I am pinching to double screen but... it's done at last! I think I spent a solid three hours organising pens into drawers and pencil cases, as well as checking if pens worked and stuff... but, it's worth it. I am so happy with the area and it also means a step closer to having the office completed!

All in all, I think there is maybe a good couple of days work on the house to get it where I want it to be, but I am gonna do my utmost to blast that out tomorrow and Tuesday... then what will I do with myself?

BAKING! That is what!!! I mentioned yesterday that the other half asked me to write a list of baking things I might want and he picked them up, with extras too!!! I am planning on making some kind of blondies, maybe rocky road blondies, flapjacks, breaksfast flapjacks, more cookies... I cannot wait!!! I am tempted to make banana and choc chip bread at some point too, we shall see. But yeah, I now have a drawer in the kitchen full of baking essentials and goodies for said bakes, as well as a shiny new mixing bowl, baking tray, a sieve and OMG A JUG I CAN ACTUALLY READ THE MEASUREMENTS ON. We also have a working set of digital scales after I found a battery for them. The other half even bought me a cute notebook to write my fave recipes in, and I am so making the first one those white choc chip and raspberry cookies I made on my birthday because omg, they were so good.

Forgot to say, we managed to play Cards Against Humanity with the family last night, which was nice cos when we go to theirs, we tend to play it there and have drinky-poos, so it was nice to feel some sense of normal even if we are all in different houses.

This whole Zoom things has opened up so many possibilities. Normally, the Scarbro side of the family tend to meet up for Easter, have drinks and a BBQ and egg hunt for the kids but obviously, that cannot be done this year. SO instead, a zoom party was hosted between loads of us, and it was actually pretty cool. It was also nice to speak and see other people as well, cos... well, I don't leave the house atm and I only speak to Jake and the cats.

Which I may have shown Magnus off a little bit too much because she was all over my lap and being adorable whilst the Zoom party was going on. Did see my Cousin Mark's cats though, and yes, I help Magnus up to the screen and was all "OMG look Magnus, you're one of those"... and she might hate me for it now but she still stayed on me and had cuddles and deep down, shes a sucker for attention, even if she bites you and acts like she don't like it.

For those of you that have been following, it is day number 5 on the advent calendar! And it was a damn good door today, I was proper happy with it, cos its a cute Hogwarts applique patch. No idea what I am putting it on yet, but it is adorable and I love it and cannot wait to wake up and see what I get for tomorrow!!!

I can't say it enough, but I am so damn pleased I came up with this idea for being at home. It is honestly that little burst of hope you need in the morning when you wake up and realise that you're gonna be spending another day indoors. I do wonder what everyone else is doing to keep their mental health in a good place when things are tough as they are right now. I know a lot of people are keeping routines as best they can, online chats with fam and friends, cleaning and so on. But there must be some other fun and novel ways out there, to keep going whilst this lockdown shizzle continues onwards!!! I must admit, and I'll say it again, avoiding the news at the weekends when the other half is home really is a big shout, because means neither of us have to suffer the doom and gloom, and I know he sees and hears enough doom and gloom being a front line worker in the NHS.

Right, I think that is it for today!!! I am going to relax with some Animal Crossing and Pokemon Mystery Dungeon and figure out what else in the house I will sort out tomorrow (the end is in sight OMG).

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0045]] Day 22 of Self-Isolation

Honestly, the best day I have had so far whilst being away from work and the Big V. Like seriously, I have had an AMAZING day and I just... I cannot believe it. There is some hope for me and the diabetes after all... providing I can keep this up.

Day 22 (Week 4 begins... and what a week it has been so far!!!)

Good evening friends, I come to you feeling the best I have felt in... well, since forever cos I honestly can't remember the last time I had a bloody fantastic day, other than seeing bands and meeting the other half and all that jazz. 

That aside... today was day 1 of my mental health calendar!!! And it was a BIG door as well, which was so damn cool cos OMG cute socks are cute!!! 

And they were those like, I don't know what you call them but they are all squished up and you have to put them in water to expand them. And I had to do that straight away! I was too excited!!!

I had a doll of some description when I was younger that had clothes you had to put in warm water to expand and it reminded me of doing that in a sink in the bathroom of a flat we lived in in London when I was about 4 years old haha! 

It's a simple thing, but it made me so happy. Also helps that I have recently had to chuck a couple of pairs of my Harry Potter socks due to holes so this is a nice replacement for them! I am so excited to see what tomorrows door brings! I am also really happy that, okay it is only day 1, my mental health idea seems to be working. I feel like it has truly set me up for a good day in so many ways. It's going to be so great to have a reason to be excited in the morning when I wake up!!

So, that put me in a fab mood for the day, and it has shown in the amount I have pushed myself this afternoon in sorting my house out!!! (When I eventually got off Animal Crossing cos I am so totally designing a Hizaki Holy Grail dress on there atm).

My book corner is finally starting to come together!!!

Okay, it is a LONG way off and I still have some furniture to either bring down or chuck out but, the biggest shelves are moved and once the table is moved, the last book shelf can be put in!!! Plus, still can't believe it, but the slimmer shelf unit actually fits next to the big one, which I am soooo happy about because its going to make that corner look so much cleaner when all the books have been reorganised and plonked in there.

This room has been pretty tough going, considering, when I was cleaning upstairs, stuff from spare room that didn't belong in there when in the office, then stuff from music room that didn't belong in there then also, went into the office. Which was why it was so damn crammed. But since putting stuff under the stairs and shifting bags around, I have finally been able to start dealing with the furniture in here which is a relief because once all that is in, I can finally go through all the bags of stuff that got bagged up from when we thought we were going to flood, and put everything away. So it is coming together slowly, and hopefully will be finished at the weekend at long damn last. I cannot wait, I seriously can't. Bar decorating, the house is going to be so much better and that in itself, is gonna help my mental health a lot. 

OH YEAH, at this point in time of writing, the last load of washing is finally in the machine and in a couple of hours it will pass through the dryer and FINALLY, all our clothes will actually be clean. Little victories and all that!!

But obviously more must have happened to make this day one of the better days that I have had. May I show you this graph and these stats. And please, be wowed, they look boring, but they are AMAZING.

For the first time since God knows when, my blood sugars are ALL in range. As in, nothing over 8mmol/L. Nothing. The highest was 6.8 before dinner, the lowest was 3.3 which I monitored closely and didn't binge eat to fix the hypo and got my bloods up to 6.8 before my lunch. Nonetheless, the effort I made last night when I ate junk food actually paid off, I think I finally have my long acting dose correct and I think that I have finally nailed carb counting!!! But I'll know for certain later tonight providing I have done enough fast acting for my dinner.

Either way, I am so happy. These are days I need to be having with my bloods more often, if not every day! I know it is partially because my mental health is in a good place at the moment, because my bloods hugely fluctuate depending on my mood and so on, but, this is the first step towards better controlled diabetes!!! 

It does bum me out a bit that it has taken me being off work to get to this point, what with having more time to focus on the carb counting and maths and correction doses and stuff, but, if I can keep this up, hopefully it can translate into my work when I go back. Which is another point as well, this pandemic might be ruining so damn many things, but, it is helping me and my diabetes a lot... silver linings and all that.

Well, I have an office to finish de-moulding, sealing and well, whatever else haha. Keeping busy is a good thing after all.

It is the birthday tomorrow. I'm okay, I think, that it won't be 100% what I had hoped for. And it is just another day. I'm going to be 31 and I need to be adult about everything, even if I want to sulk and stamp my feet like a bratty, crappy child. Okay, so I can't go shopping in Notts/P'boro like originally planned, and I don't know if I'll get the cake I wanted, I won't be seeing my friends or family or my fave band next week and I won't be doing fun things like Natural History Museum or the theatre or Harry Potter Studios... but, I keep reminding myself, there is always next year. I will just have the break I need so badly next year, I just have to wait a little longer. Needless to say, I don't want to wait and I do want it now, but... I can't change anything, it is what it is and nothing can be done about it.

So, on that note, I am going to sign off and do some stuff.

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0044]] Day 21 of Self-Isolation

My mental health treat arrived today!!! Just in time for the start of week 4 of isolation tomorrow.

Day 21 (Things are okay. And sometimes, okay is good).

Hello everyone!!! I hope you are all well and doing your best to stay strong, but, as a friend said to me this weekend, it is okay to not be okay... and truer words have never been said. 

Speaking of mental health, my parcel arrived today!!! You may have seen me mention in previous posts that I had ordered myself a little something to give me something to look forward to each day I am stuck inside. I wish I had done this sooner mind you, alas, waiting for payday, had to decide if I was going to do it... but in the end I did, and it arrived in time for the start of my fourth week at home!!! 

Yup, it's a Harry Potter advent calendar!!! 

Haha yes yes, call me crazy but, I am genuinely so stoked about waking up each new morning stuck inside, knowing I'll get a cute Harry Potter treat each day! It's really cool, comes with cute accessories and bits and bobs, like washi tape, socks and so on... either way, I am so excited for tomorrow morning!!!

Plus, look at the size of door number 1!!! Haha, hoping for something goooooood, which as you can see from the pictures, there is some fab stuff in there.

I was debating about this last year actually, about getting an advent calendar for Christmas that was not chocolate but instead something like this, like the Lego or Pop Vinyl figure ones, but then I never get round to it or I run out of cash and end up with a cheapo choc one. I am soooo going to plan ahead and get my hands on something similar again, plus, it means two less units of insulin in the morning when I open a door and should help curb some of the random blood sugar levels I get over the Christmas period. 

Speaking of bloods, I have finally somewhat tackled my insulin and carb ratios. I think I'm a unit for every 9g of carbs, which makes the maths annoying but, a unit for 10g isn't quite enough. Either way, bar the 13 I woke up with early on this morning, I have managed to keep my bloods below 10 all bloody day and it is so exciting and good to see! I have slowly been starting to have more and more days of this since I have been off from work, and I honestly think it is because I am doing everything I can to keep my mental health okay, but also because having more time on my hands is helping me in the prep of my meals and working out the amount of carbs I am having and so on. I have started to do a couple of units before some of my snacks as well, which I am still ironing out the kinks with, but... it's a step closer to where I need to be with my diabetes, and it is so bloody fantastic!

I'm hoping I can have bloods this good, if not better, tomorrow, but I am learning not to berate myself each time things cock up. If things were bad, I would binge eat and say fuck it to my bloods and end up burning out, but, with how I am thinking and acting now, is actually proving to be hugely beneficial to me. I can also feel my moods somewhat stabilising, more so when I have a day like this with bloods in range. For example, I dropped my rizla earlier full of baccy and my filter and I could feel that I wanted to snap, but I stepped back, breathed and then picked it all up and I felt okay. I have never really every felt this in control of myself before. I love it and it is so nice and I hope I can keep it up... but it's okay if I can't, there is always a couple of hours to try and fix things and if not, then there is always tomorrow!!!

Before I go, I wanted to leave you a picture of another healthy dinner I made today!!! Jacket potato with spicy no sugar beans, salad and chicken nugs (the packet needed finishing and I have not had chicken for a little while).

I am trying to do fixed carbs and novarapid fast acting insulin and carbs cannot always be fixed, but all of my meals today have been either 62g of carbs or less which means, 6 units of insulin, however, I think I am going to opt to try 7 units if I have about 60g of carbs. I say fixed, my morning breakfast tends to be between 40-55g of carb,  it can really vary depending on what I am having (I have to vary my breakfast so I actually eat it and don't get bored and stop well, eating it). But I think I have said before that I have to do about 2 units extra insulin in the mornings because of the morning dump of hormones and what have you, so to stop lunch bloods being high, extra insulin has been helping with that a lot. Some of my best blood results are now my lunch time and dinner ones, which is so exciting to see at last! Again, I don't know if being at work and work stress is helping contribute to the higher lunch bloods, but I guess I will figure that one out when I go  back to work, whenever that is. 

Speaking of work, supposedly another batch of letters is being sent out today, and now I am wondering if I will finally be included. Supposedly this batch is for people on the extremely vulnerable list but also those who their doctors or clinicians have put forward whom don't have conditions on the list. Which is cool, but I am still new with the renal and diabetes team and my doctors are having nothing to do with Covid, and even though the receptionist for my surgery said I should be getting one due to being type 1 with complications, I don't think any of my medical professions are gonna put me forward, which is frustrating, because I need to be off, but I can't even speak to my doctor about it so what do I do? I'm hoping some answers come out soon, but, I ain't hoping for much because looking in the groups I am on and the people who have received texts from the government, some type 1's with complications have a letter, some don't, some type 1's with no complications have letters, some that do haven't. So I don't really know where I stand still.

But it is late now and that is a problem for tomorrow.

Stay safe everyone and make sure you look after yourself (physically and mentally) before you look after anyone else.

Over and out, mes amigos.