Pride Month

Showing posts with label type 1 diabetic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label type 1 diabetic. Show all posts

Thursday, 7 May 2020

[[0060]] Day 51 of Self-Isolation (The outside world is WEIRD)

Day 51 (and I guess 50 as well as this is a two for one)

Evening everyone!

Queenie calling in after another interesting couple of days in the diabetes world. Oh boy, it's been another emotional roller coaster that yet again, I did not sign up for.

It's been... interesting... and it shows me how much my diabetes is affected by my emotions and so on because jeez, my bloods react to ANYTHING when it comes to emotions and it is honestly frustrating as hell. 

So, guess I should explain what has been happening?

I had to have my kidney blood tests again to see if the eGFR (kidney function) was stabilised or slightly improved with the 4mg blood pressure tablets. Seems simple, ya know, one vial of blood? HA nope. Not at all. (I believe I mentioned I would be going out for bloods in my last type 1 diabetes post yesterday).

So, I wrapped up warm, I drank about a litre and a half of water at home yesterday before heading out and had breakfast as well and everything was fine. Like, got to the doctors and only had ten mins to wait for my appt and yeah, everything was absolutely fine. Went in, felt hydrated and warm... all was good. 

And then the bad thing happened. What is the bad thing? My blood said NO. My veins were a fat (technically they're tiny but you get the idea) NO. even my hands and wrists said NO which is funny cos can usually get it out my wrists.

So what happened? Well, I was in the room for 45 minutes, and the lovely nurse tried a good three times and couldn't get the blood, we even warmed my hands under boiling water, as well as holding a glove full of water and the blood just would not happen. So, she called in a lovely guy named Ian (he's like a doctor but not I think) and he gave it a go, a solid three times, and nothing. He even went for my wrist and that didn't work. Ian came up with an idea of maybe drinking and hydrating more then trying again in 20mins, so, I went and sat in the waiting room for 20mins, drank 9 cups of water, which I think equates to another litre and a half of water, maybe more. There was a guy in the waiting room, bless him, who should have been seen at 9:10am but wasn't seen until half past because of me so I obviously apologised profusely haha! I get called back in... the nurse tries twice again and nothing... and one of my other fave nurses, Carol, came in and she tried and just nope. Prodded nine time with needles in one day and I was totally done. I think they could see I was so damn frustrated about it all plus I don't wanna go to the hospital for bloods at the moment so I know they did everything they could. I think I was just major mad at myself for my body just being an ass.

I think I have written about this before tbh. I have always had a bit of a problem with having blood tests and have done for the last couple of years, maybe a bit longer, maybe like 8 years? And I always joke that I should not be diabetic cause I can't seem to handle a simple blood test. I think it just largely upsets me (hence my facebook rant about it yesterday) because I do honestly try so hard before my blood tests, by drinking loads, wrapping up warm and like, exercising my hands and arm to get the blood running but... it just never seems to work. The only thing that does work is this one woman at the hospital in haematology, I don't know her name, but she can always get it out of me and normally it's around 3 or 4pm... but no way am I waiting in haem right now, no way. 

I got home anyway, and I just felt terrible. I think I went into shock as well after being stabbed by so many needles (which is hilarious because I don't mind blood tests in the slightest, the colour of blood to me is fascinating) but like, my bloods shot up, I went kinda clammy and I think I just went to bed because I was honestly just so done with everything for that one day.

The nurse booked me to come in today, well, double booked me with my other two favourite nurses, Carrie and Gina whom I absolutely love so much. (Turns out we should have waited a week but oh well). Carol also said, doesn't matter how sunny it is, layer up loads and drink even more... so, that is what I did today, as well as some exercise on Just Dance beforehand.

So the first two pics haha! So I went to the surgery yesterday in a tee and a fluffy hoodie... and today? It was a tee, a hoodie and my fluffy coat for seeing Skindred. And some thermal socks and my super warm trainers. I. WAS. BOILING. Like so bloody boiling, I was sweating and I could smell myself, it was absolutely grim. Thankfully, I didn't go through the waiting room this time... which I will explain.

I got to the surgery an hour and ten early today... because the buses are crazy right now. Usually the number 1 is every half an hour but it is now it's one every 45mins, then 1hr 15mins... so I either got to the surgery an hour and ten early or ten mins late... so I went early. Figured, there is a bench behind the surgery on some grass so I could grab some lunch and more water and just wait till I needed to be seen... but I actually bumped in to one of my nurses, Gina, and she said if Carrie was free, they would try and get me in earlier. They didn't disappoint either, I was in at dead on 1pm instead of 1:30pm! Carrie came out in her PPE finery and called me in through one of the back entrances to the surgery, queue both nurses giggling as I said I had never been in the back way before haha!

Speaking of going in the surgery... it was weird yesterday. Like, the buses are still observing their protocols that I mentioned on day 16 of self-isolation. But I hadn't seen my surgery until yesterday. They've moved two rows of chairs in the waiting room, you can't really talk to the people on reception unless you hover for a bit and you have to ring a bell to get access to inside providing you have an appointment as well. Everyone is in masks n stuff and yeah, it's both weird but cool how my surgery has adapted to the big virus. But yeah, today I went through the back way, well, through a fire exit that went into like a sink, cleaning nurse station thing into the nurses room haha, I felt so naughty haha!!

I did think things were going to fail. Carrie managed to draw blood but the blood wouldn't do what it was meant to do and go down the tube/into the syringe. She tried three times though, and ended up calling in Gina to have a go. We had all been laughing and joking about the whole thing anyway, just because my body is an arsehole and why is there no like rules for being diabetic of which one should be being able to have a blood test nice and easily with decent veins haha!!!

Thankfully, Gina had a feel and got it first try, and OMG I was so happy I could have cried. She managed a decent vial as well which was a bonus too.

She did say a few things though... as I have always been curious as to why my bloods have got worse over the years. And honestly, no-one really knows. But, it was an issue my gran had but no-one else in my family so could maybe be investigated if it continues to be an issue. ANYWAY, we agreed that next time, they should wait a week to do more bloods so that my veins have time to recover from being poked so many times, which I can see where she was coming from because I feel that Carrie would have got the blood first time had my right arm not been stabbed to death yesterday. Like the blood was there, but my veins supposedly have this ability to collapse/close up when a needle appears, which you can imagine, is frustrating as hell. It could also be potentially kidney related, what with the microvascular system being very closely related to kidney health and function... so the best and only thing that can be done is to wait till the afternoon for bloods at my surgery and also to drink wayyyyy too much. (Also, my blood is far too thick for a solid 3-4 hours after waking up, which with small veins, is a problem).

Anyway, they got the blood. I was happy. I have not felt this good in a while. And hopefully, its the last of the needing bloods for at least a month and half, well, June sometime, whenever my next renal appt is. I won't lie, I crashed for four hours, so maybe the onslaught on my veins does actually make me feel not okay even if I don't mind the blood tests themselves... but either way, it is blood damn well done, finally (lol). 

So yeah, emotional roller coaster. Thank God for my mental health calendar, the fact the coop in BBH had one box of my fave monster and well, my anti-depressants. I do feel like I could have been so much worse, but lately, I seem to have this uncanny ability to bounce back after a few hours, which I never used to be able to do. It makes me wonder if it is because I am not at work and stressed out therefore I am actually focusing more on myself and my needs and well, learning about how I work, I don't know. I feel like yesterday should have broken me and if I am honest, if they hadn't got the blood out today, I think that probably would have broken me as well, but it all worked out in the end so thank God we didn't have to wait and find out if I was gonna freak out. Either way, I still think this is the best my mental health and diabetes has been for years. Maybe I am meant to be an at home kind of work person? I don't really know.

It's given me stuff to think about anyway.

Before I sign off, I want to show you a ring that my amazing keyworking other half got for me cause of, well, all the stuff going on at the moment. 


"Keep (fucking) going."

Never have truer words been said.

That is it from me tonight! Time to share the heck out of this blog and get that view count up again!!! One day I will get adsense on this account, ONE DAY!

Over and out, mes amigos.







Wednesday, 8 April 2020

[[0045]] Day 22 of Self-Isolation

Honestly, the best day I have had so far whilst being away from work and the Big V. Like seriously, I have had an AMAZING day and I just... I cannot believe it. There is some hope for me and the diabetes after all... providing I can keep this up.

Day 22 (Week 4 begins... and what a week it has been so far!!!)

Good evening friends, I come to you feeling the best I have felt in... well, since forever cos I honestly can't remember the last time I had a bloody fantastic day, other than seeing bands and meeting the other half and all that jazz. 

That aside... today was day 1 of my mental health calendar!!! And it was a BIG door as well, which was so damn cool cos OMG cute socks are cute!!! 

And they were those like, I don't know what you call them but they are all squished up and you have to put them in water to expand them. And I had to do that straight away! I was too excited!!!

I had a doll of some description when I was younger that had clothes you had to put in warm water to expand and it reminded me of doing that in a sink in the bathroom of a flat we lived in in London when I was about 4 years old haha! 

It's a simple thing, but it made me so happy. Also helps that I have recently had to chuck a couple of pairs of my Harry Potter socks due to holes so this is a nice replacement for them! I am so excited to see what tomorrows door brings! I am also really happy that, okay it is only day 1, my mental health idea seems to be working. I feel like it has truly set me up for a good day in so many ways. It's going to be so great to have a reason to be excited in the morning when I wake up!!

So, that put me in a fab mood for the day, and it has shown in the amount I have pushed myself this afternoon in sorting my house out!!! (When I eventually got off Animal Crossing cos I am so totally designing a Hizaki Holy Grail dress on there atm).

My book corner is finally starting to come together!!!

Okay, it is a LONG way off and I still have some furniture to either bring down or chuck out but, the biggest shelves are moved and once the table is moved, the last book shelf can be put in!!! Plus, still can't believe it, but the slimmer shelf unit actually fits next to the big one, which I am soooo happy about because its going to make that corner look so much cleaner when all the books have been reorganised and plonked in there.

This room has been pretty tough going, considering, when I was cleaning upstairs, stuff from spare room that didn't belong in there when in the office, then stuff from music room that didn't belong in there then also, went into the office. Which was why it was so damn crammed. But since putting stuff under the stairs and shifting bags around, I have finally been able to start dealing with the furniture in here which is a relief because once all that is in, I can finally go through all the bags of stuff that got bagged up from when we thought we were going to flood, and put everything away. So it is coming together slowly, and hopefully will be finished at the weekend at long damn last. I cannot wait, I seriously can't. Bar decorating, the house is going to be so much better and that in itself, is gonna help my mental health a lot. 

OH YEAH, at this point in time of writing, the last load of washing is finally in the machine and in a couple of hours it will pass through the dryer and FINALLY, all our clothes will actually be clean. Little victories and all that!!

But obviously more must have happened to make this day one of the better days that I have had. May I show you this graph and these stats. And please, be wowed, they look boring, but they are AMAZING.


For the first time since God knows when, my blood sugars are ALL in range. As in, nothing over 8mmol/L. Nothing. The highest was 6.8 before dinner, the lowest was 3.3 which I monitored closely and didn't binge eat to fix the hypo and got my bloods up to 6.8 before my lunch. Nonetheless, the effort I made last night when I ate junk food actually paid off, I think I finally have my long acting dose correct and I think that I have finally nailed carb counting!!! But I'll know for certain later tonight providing I have done enough fast acting for my dinner.

Either way, I am so happy. These are days I need to be having with my bloods more often, if not every day! I know it is partially because my mental health is in a good place at the moment, because my bloods hugely fluctuate depending on my mood and so on, but, this is the first step towards better controlled diabetes!!! 

It does bum me out a bit that it has taken me being off work to get to this point, what with having more time to focus on the carb counting and maths and correction doses and stuff, but, if I can keep this up, hopefully it can translate into my work when I go back. Which is another point as well, this pandemic might be ruining so damn many things, but, it is helping me and my diabetes a lot... silver linings and all that.

Well, I have an office to finish de-moulding, sealing and well, whatever else haha. Keeping busy is a good thing after all.

It is the birthday tomorrow. I'm okay, I think, that it won't be 100% what I had hoped for. And it is just another day. I'm going to be 31 and I need to be adult about everything, even if I want to sulk and stamp my feet like a bratty, crappy child. Okay, so I can't go shopping in Notts/P'boro like originally planned, and I don't know if I'll get the cake I wanted, I won't be seeing my friends or family or my fave band next week and I won't be doing fun things like Natural History Museum or the theatre or Harry Potter Studios... but, I keep reminding myself, there is always next year. I will just have the break I need so badly next year, I just have to wait a little longer. Needless to say, I don't want to wait and I do want it now, but... I can't change anything, it is what it is and nothing can be done about it.

So, on that note, I am going to sign off and do some stuff.

Over and out, mes amigos.



Tuesday, 7 April 2020

[[0044]] Day 21 of Self-Isolation

My mental health treat arrived today!!! Just in time for the start of week 4 of isolation tomorrow.

Day 21 (Things are okay. And sometimes, okay is good).

Hello everyone!!! I hope you are all well and doing your best to stay strong, but, as a friend said to me this weekend, it is okay to not be okay... and truer words have never been said. 

Speaking of mental health, my parcel arrived today!!! You may have seen me mention in previous posts that I had ordered myself a little something to give me something to look forward to each day I am stuck inside. I wish I had done this sooner mind you, alas, waiting for payday, had to decide if I was going to do it... but in the end I did, and it arrived in time for the start of my fourth week at home!!! 


Yup, it's a Harry Potter advent calendar!!! 

Haha yes yes, call me crazy but, I am genuinely so stoked about waking up each new morning stuck inside, knowing I'll get a cute Harry Potter treat each day! It's really cool, comes with cute accessories and bits and bobs, like washi tape, socks and so on... either way, I am so excited for tomorrow morning!!!


Plus, look at the size of door number 1!!! Haha, hoping for something goooooood, which as you can see from the pictures, there is some fab stuff in there.

I was debating about this last year actually, about getting an advent calendar for Christmas that was not chocolate but instead something like this, like the Lego or Pop Vinyl figure ones, but then I never get round to it or I run out of cash and end up with a cheapo choc one. I am soooo going to plan ahead and get my hands on something similar again, plus, it means two less units of insulin in the morning when I open a door and should help curb some of the random blood sugar levels I get over the Christmas period. 

Speaking of bloods, I have finally somewhat tackled my insulin and carb ratios. I think I'm a unit for every 9g of carbs, which makes the maths annoying but, a unit for 10g isn't quite enough. Either way, bar the 13 I woke up with early on this morning, I have managed to keep my bloods below 10 all bloody day and it is so exciting and good to see! I have slowly been starting to have more and more days of this since I have been off from work, and I honestly think it is because I am doing everything I can to keep my mental health okay, but also because having more time on my hands is helping me in the prep of my meals and working out the amount of carbs I am having and so on. I have started to do a couple of units before some of my snacks as well, which I am still ironing out the kinks with, but... it's a step closer to where I need to be with my diabetes, and it is so bloody fantastic!

I'm hoping I can have bloods this good, if not better, tomorrow, but I am learning not to berate myself each time things cock up. If things were bad, I would binge eat and say fuck it to my bloods and end up burning out, but, with how I am thinking and acting now, is actually proving to be hugely beneficial to me. I can also feel my moods somewhat stabilising, more so when I have a day like this with bloods in range. For example, I dropped my rizla earlier full of baccy and my filter and I could feel that I wanted to snap, but I stepped back, breathed and then picked it all up and I felt okay. I have never really every felt this in control of myself before. I love it and it is so nice and I hope I can keep it up... but it's okay if I can't, there is always a couple of hours to try and fix things and if not, then there is always tomorrow!!!

Before I go, I wanted to leave you a picture of another healthy dinner I made today!!! Jacket potato with spicy no sugar beans, salad and chicken nugs (the packet needed finishing and I have not had chicken for a little while).

I am trying to do fixed carbs and novarapid fast acting insulin and carbs cannot always be fixed, but all of my meals today have been either 62g of carbs or less which means, 6 units of insulin, however, I think I am going to opt to try 7 units if I have about 60g of carbs. I say fixed, my morning breakfast tends to be between 40-55g of carb,  it can really vary depending on what I am having (I have to vary my breakfast so I actually eat it and don't get bored and stop well, eating it). But I think I have said before that I have to do about 2 units extra insulin in the mornings because of the morning dump of hormones and what have you, so to stop lunch bloods being high, extra insulin has been helping with that a lot. Some of my best blood results are now my lunch time and dinner ones, which is so exciting to see at last! Again, I don't know if being at work and work stress is helping contribute to the higher lunch bloods, but I guess I will figure that one out when I go  back to work, whenever that is. 

Speaking of work, supposedly another batch of letters is being sent out today, and now I am wondering if I will finally be included. Supposedly this batch is for people on the extremely vulnerable list but also those who their doctors or clinicians have put forward whom don't have conditions on the list. Which is cool, but I am still new with the renal and diabetes team and my doctors are having nothing to do with Covid, and even though the receptionist for my surgery said I should be getting one due to being type 1 with complications, I don't think any of my medical professions are gonna put me forward, which is frustrating, because I need to be off, but I can't even speak to my doctor about it so what do I do? I'm hoping some answers come out soon, but, I ain't hoping for much because looking in the groups I am on and the people who have received texts from the government, some type 1's with complications have a letter, some don't, some type 1's with no complications have letters, some that do haven't. So I don't really know where I stand still.

But it is late now and that is a problem for tomorrow.

Stay safe everyone and make sure you look after yourself (physically and mentally) before you look after anyone else.

Over and out, mes amigos.

Thursday, 12 March 2020

[[0023]] Organising Chaos - Type 1 Rainbow Button Badge Review? I think?

Okay, maybe a half review cos I wasn't planning on buying anything from Organising Chaos until my payday on the 27th March!

So, recently, I was browsing one of the T1D UK groups I am in on facebook, where someone asked about silicon accessories that fit on Fit Bits and watches, and someone mentioned Organising Chaos so I went and took a look, out of curiosity more than anything.

One of the first things I jumped to was pins, because I am an absolute sucker for cute badges for my work lanyard! And I saw this one straight away and just knew I had to get my lil diabetic hands on it for my lanyard for work! I have a few pins on it already, from the Litten I picked up from an amazing artist Teejaylay a couple of years ago... as well as some enamel pins from Pokémon card sets I bought an age ago (should probably get some new ones... been a while since I bought mon cards...). I need to point out that I have a Harry Potter Lanyard with two Slytherin house pins on and then the Star Wars lanyard I got in Disney Land, with my awesome Yoda sketch pin on it. 

But there is one badge that travels across all my lanyards and that is my NHS pride badge, to show that I am an LGBTQ+ ally/supporter (I'm as bi as a sparkly Christmas, fo reals). I also joined some work colleagues a few weeks ago holding a big pride flag alas I cannot remember where the photo was posted afterwards! Either way, as well as being Bi, I believe the badge is to show to everyone that I am approachable ally and supported for those that are LGBTQ+.

Anyway, I love my NHS pride badge, hence why it moves across all my lanyards, so when I saw the "Type 1 Rainbow Button Badge", I knew out of everything, that would have to be the highest on my list to buy from this amazing lady and store! It just sums me up perfectly and I have honestly not related so much to a badge in a life time!!! 

It also made me realise that there honestly is not a lot of cute diabetes stuff out there! And again, made me realise that I shouldn't be ashamed for being chronically ill, but if I am going to show I am okay with me and my health, I need to do it in my own way, and if that is with cute T1D merch, then that's the way I want to do it. Plus... it means I have something bright to look at to remind me I am still here and doing okay, especially when the days at the moment are dark and nothing but bad diabetes health news. All in all, I love the idea of "Decorate your Diabetes" and as its a hidden illness, it feels the right thing to do. Plus, I am a fun and interesting person (I think...) so why have a boring silicon wristband when I can decorate in ways that are appropriate to me!

Now, you may have noticed that I said I was going to buy amazing items from this store on payday... well, someone got there before me! I came back from work today and saw this little envelope on the floor that had been posted, and obvs, I picked it up and looked at it very curiously and realised that it had come from Organising Chaos... but I hadn't made an order yet! 

I ran inside, opened it and the perfect little button badge to sum up me was inside and it instantly went on my lanyard!!! It came with such cute packaging as well, which if you see on the left, I also got a logo sticker which appeals to me on a scientific level as the Organising Chaos logo means "I am greater than my highs and lows" which I know I need to keep reminding myself sometimes, especially as my world keeps changing for the worst and diabetes is threatening to take over everything of my being (I use my phone a lot so I'm gonna pop the sticker in the case for it).  


So, whoever you are, wherever you are... thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️ I have had a lot of bad news this week, and I have been thrown in for a sudden appointment with the renal team at my local hospital tomorrow as well, so coming home to this was exactly what I needed, so thank you so so so so much whoever you are!!! 

So, I probably should write some kind of review? Seen as I didn't order it, but I know I posted about Organising Chaos on the 9th March and it's the 12th now... so it came super quickly? Was packaged amazingly? Badge is amazing quality? AHHHHH I mean all these things ARE true, but I think I am going to wait till end of March when I have bought a few more things in a bulk order and do a proper big blog post from start to finish about ordering from Organising Chaos. Nonetheless, I have spoken a little to the owner of Organising Chaos and she seems so so so so lovely, so I am honestly super stoked for ordering more from her soon and reading her blog too, which you can check out Organising Chaos Blog!!!
So, as far as ratings go, its kind of obvious where I am siding with this one!!! 

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐


Please please please check out Organising Chaos on any of the links below!
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