[[0045]] Day 22 of Self-Isolation

Honestly, the best day I have had so far whilst being away from work and the Big V. Like seriously, I have had an AMAZING day and I just... I cannot believe it. There is some hope for me and the diabetes after all... providing I can keep this up.

Day 22 (Week 4 begins... and what a week it has been so far!!!)

Good evening friends, I come to you feeling the best I have felt in... well, since forever cos I honestly can't remember the last time I had a bloody fantastic day, other than seeing bands and meeting the other half and all that jazz. 

That aside... today was day 1 of my mental health calendar!!! And it was a BIG door as well, which was so damn cool cos OMG cute socks are cute!!! 

And they were those like, I don't know what you call them but they are all squished up and you have to put them in water to expand them. And I had to do that straight away! I was too excited!!!

I had a doll of some description when I was younger that had clothes you had to put in warm water to expand and it reminded me of doing that in a sink in the bathroom of a flat we lived in in London when I was about 4 years old haha! 

It's a simple thing, but it made me so happy. Also helps that I have recently had to chuck a couple of pairs of my Harry Potter socks due to holes so this is a nice replacement for them! I am so excited to see what tomorrows door brings! I am also really happy that, okay it is only day 1, my mental health idea seems to be working. I feel like it has truly set me up for a good day in so many ways. It's going to be so great to have a reason to be excited in the morning when I wake up!!

So, that put me in a fab mood for the day, and it has shown in the amount I have pushed myself this afternoon in sorting my house out!!! (When I eventually got off Animal Crossing cos I am so totally designing a Hizaki Holy Grail dress on there atm).

My book corner is finally starting to come together!!!

Okay, it is a LONG way off and I still have some furniture to either bring down or chuck out but, the biggest shelves are moved and once the table is moved, the last book shelf can be put in!!! Plus, still can't believe it, but the slimmer shelf unit actually fits next to the big one, which I am soooo happy about because its going to make that corner look so much cleaner when all the books have been reorganised and plonked in there.

This room has been pretty tough going, considering, when I was cleaning upstairs, stuff from spare room that didn't belong in there when in the office, then stuff from music room that didn't belong in there then also, went into the office. Which was why it was so damn crammed. But since putting stuff under the stairs and shifting bags around, I have finally been able to start dealing with the furniture in here which is a relief because once all that is in, I can finally go through all the bags of stuff that got bagged up from when we thought we were going to flood, and put everything away. So it is coming together slowly, and hopefully will be finished at the weekend at long damn last. I cannot wait, I seriously can't. Bar decorating, the house is going to be so much better and that in itself, is gonna help my mental health a lot. 

OH YEAH, at this point in time of writing, the last load of washing is finally in the machine and in a couple of hours it will pass through the dryer and FINALLY, all our clothes will actually be clean. Little victories and all that!!

But obviously more must have happened to make this day one of the better days that I have had. May I show you this graph and these stats. And please, be wowed, they look boring, but they are AMAZING.

For the first time since God knows when, my blood sugars are ALL in range. As in, nothing over 8mmol/L. Nothing. The highest was 6.8 before dinner, the lowest was 3.3 which I monitored closely and didn't binge eat to fix the hypo and got my bloods up to 6.8 before my lunch. Nonetheless, the effort I made last night when I ate junk food actually paid off, I think I finally have my long acting dose correct and I think that I have finally nailed carb counting!!! But I'll know for certain later tonight providing I have done enough fast acting for my dinner.

Either way, I am so happy. These are days I need to be having with my bloods more often, if not every day! I know it is partially because my mental health is in a good place at the moment, because my bloods hugely fluctuate depending on my mood and so on, but, this is the first step towards better controlled diabetes!!! 

It does bum me out a bit that it has taken me being off work to get to this point, what with having more time to focus on the carb counting and maths and correction doses and stuff, but, if I can keep this up, hopefully it can translate into my work when I go back. Which is another point as well, this pandemic might be ruining so damn many things, but, it is helping me and my diabetes a lot... silver linings and all that.

Well, I have an office to finish de-moulding, sealing and well, whatever else haha. Keeping busy is a good thing after all.

It is the birthday tomorrow. I'm okay, I think, that it won't be 100% what I had hoped for. And it is just another day. I'm going to be 31 and I need to be adult about everything, even if I want to sulk and stamp my feet like a bratty, crappy child. Okay, so I can't go shopping in Notts/P'boro like originally planned, and I don't know if I'll get the cake I wanted, I won't be seeing my friends or family or my fave band next week and I won't be doing fun things like Natural History Museum or the theatre or Harry Potter Studios... but, I keep reminding myself, there is always next year. I will just have the break I need so badly next year, I just have to wait a little longer. Needless to say, I don't want to wait and I do want it now, but... I can't change anything, it is what it is and nothing can be done about it.

So, on that note, I am going to sign off and do some stuff.

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0044]] Day 21 of Self-Isolation

My mental health treat arrived today!!! Just in time for the start of week 4 of isolation tomorrow.

Day 21 (Things are okay. And sometimes, okay is good).

Hello everyone!!! I hope you are all well and doing your best to stay strong, but, as a friend said to me this weekend, it is okay to not be okay... and truer words have never been said. 

Speaking of mental health, my parcel arrived today!!! You may have seen me mention in previous posts that I had ordered myself a little something to give me something to look forward to each day I am stuck inside. I wish I had done this sooner mind you, alas, waiting for payday, had to decide if I was going to do it... but in the end I did, and it arrived in time for the start of my fourth week at home!!! 

Yup, it's a Harry Potter advent calendar!!! 

Haha yes yes, call me crazy but, I am genuinely so stoked about waking up each new morning stuck inside, knowing I'll get a cute Harry Potter treat each day! It's really cool, comes with cute accessories and bits and bobs, like washi tape, socks and so on... either way, I am so excited for tomorrow morning!!!

Plus, look at the size of door number 1!!! Haha, hoping for something goooooood, which as you can see from the pictures, there is some fab stuff in there.

I was debating about this last year actually, about getting an advent calendar for Christmas that was not chocolate but instead something like this, like the Lego or Pop Vinyl figure ones, but then I never get round to it or I run out of cash and end up with a cheapo choc one. I am soooo going to plan ahead and get my hands on something similar again, plus, it means two less units of insulin in the morning when I open a door and should help curb some of the random blood sugar levels I get over the Christmas period. 

Speaking of bloods, I have finally somewhat tackled my insulin and carb ratios. I think I'm a unit for every 9g of carbs, which makes the maths annoying but, a unit for 10g isn't quite enough. Either way, bar the 13 I woke up with early on this morning, I have managed to keep my bloods below 10 all bloody day and it is so exciting and good to see! I have slowly been starting to have more and more days of this since I have been off from work, and I honestly think it is because I am doing everything I can to keep my mental health okay, but also because having more time on my hands is helping me in the prep of my meals and working out the amount of carbs I am having and so on. I have started to do a couple of units before some of my snacks as well, which I am still ironing out the kinks with, but... it's a step closer to where I need to be with my diabetes, and it is so bloody fantastic!

I'm hoping I can have bloods this good, if not better, tomorrow, but I am learning not to berate myself each time things cock up. If things were bad, I would binge eat and say fuck it to my bloods and end up burning out, but, with how I am thinking and acting now, is actually proving to be hugely beneficial to me. I can also feel my moods somewhat stabilising, more so when I have a day like this with bloods in range. For example, I dropped my rizla earlier full of baccy and my filter and I could feel that I wanted to snap, but I stepped back, breathed and then picked it all up and I felt okay. I have never really every felt this in control of myself before. I love it and it is so nice and I hope I can keep it up... but it's okay if I can't, there is always a couple of hours to try and fix things and if not, then there is always tomorrow!!!

Before I go, I wanted to leave you a picture of another healthy dinner I made today!!! Jacket potato with spicy no sugar beans, salad and chicken nugs (the packet needed finishing and I have not had chicken for a little while).

I am trying to do fixed carbs and novarapid fast acting insulin and carbs cannot always be fixed, but all of my meals today have been either 62g of carbs or less which means, 6 units of insulin, however, I think I am going to opt to try 7 units if I have about 60g of carbs. I say fixed, my morning breakfast tends to be between 40-55g of carb,  it can really vary depending on what I am having (I have to vary my breakfast so I actually eat it and don't get bored and stop well, eating it). But I think I have said before that I have to do about 2 units extra insulin in the mornings because of the morning dump of hormones and what have you, so to stop lunch bloods being high, extra insulin has been helping with that a lot. Some of my best blood results are now my lunch time and dinner ones, which is so exciting to see at last! Again, I don't know if being at work and work stress is helping contribute to the higher lunch bloods, but I guess I will figure that one out when I go  back to work, whenever that is. 

Speaking of work, supposedly another batch of letters is being sent out today, and now I am wondering if I will finally be included. Supposedly this batch is for people on the extremely vulnerable list but also those who their doctors or clinicians have put forward whom don't have conditions on the list. Which is cool, but I am still new with the renal and diabetes team and my doctors are having nothing to do with Covid, and even though the receptionist for my surgery said I should be getting one due to being type 1 with complications, I don't think any of my medical professions are gonna put me forward, which is frustrating, because I need to be off, but I can't even speak to my doctor about it so what do I do? I'm hoping some answers come out soon, but, I ain't hoping for much because looking in the groups I am on and the people who have received texts from the government, some type 1's with complications have a letter, some don't, some type 1's with no complications have letters, some that do haven't. So I don't really know where I stand still.

But it is late now and that is a problem for tomorrow.

Stay safe everyone and make sure you look after yourself (physically and mentally) before you look after anyone else.

Over and out, mes amigos.

[[0016]] Week 6 Overview

What an absolute up and down of a week, is the only way I can seem to put this... just like my blood sugars ha! 

So, here are the blood results for the week... and honestly, what an absolute mess. I have had some good days thankfully but a lot of bad bloods seem to be taking over. I am still getting used to taking Toujeo and will need to contact my nurse about potentially upping the dose a little bit (once I've figured out getting my screen shots up on the work PCs so I can email them to her). I have started to have less hypos though, which is good... but I am also having a few more highs, but that might not be because of Toujeo, and could instead be, especially at the end of the week, down to stress of the news I got on Friday. 

So, many of you may have seen my blog post yesterday (if not, then check it out here) about the news I received on Friday in regards to my kidneys, and that they have in fact worsened since leaving hospital and because of this, I am now diagnosed with stage 3 chronic kidney disease (CKD3). I won't go into all the stuff I went into in my previous blog post about it all, because this is an overview and you all don't need to here it again, but I do think it has caused me a lot of stress, anxiety and worry which is why my blood sugars have not been easy to control this weekend. I am going to try harder next week but... I don't know what next week will bring for that matter. Nonetheless, I am still dealing and trying to cope with everything as best as I can. Just gotta wait and see what the future brings from here on out I guess. 

So, it was Valentine's Day on Friday and because of our trip to London, we couldn't do a large amount (and in the end I had an early night because of the CKD news) but when we were in London, we found this awesome shop called Scribblr, that had some proper fantastic Valentine's Day cards... and low and behold, the other half got me this card haha! Everyone at work had a good giggle about it as I had to put it on my desk... and I guess in a way, it is kind of convenient, specially as carb counting is going to be my future soon.

I shared it on one of the diabetes facebook groups I am on and OMG, I was worried about what they would think, but thankfully, loads of people thought it was hilarious thank goodness!!! Hell, it was a pretty popular post that day on there, so win win all round. And means the other half now officially wins at Valentine's Day according to the group, so I would honestly like to think I have brightened a lot of people's days with the sharing of my card!

I did get Jake an Eminem one, mainly because I got him an Ed Sheeran one last year, so felt I had to keep the music theme up... just gotta decide what kind of music one to get him next year haha!!! We also managed to get take out for our Valentine's Day meal and ordered a massive £30 vouchers worth of Papa John's pizza and sides! So so so so good haha Got to love having Paypal credit sometimes, if it means you can have a nice treat... and omg the cheesy jalapeno bites were so good, I could have eaten a bajillion haha (I also really love their special garlic sauce and have a couple spare in the fridge cos dunking nuggets in it is the best thing ever)!

I haven't really done a lot this week, just work and sleep and so on... but we did go to my Dad's and Step Mum's this weekend which was awesome. A few drinky-poos were had, played some fun games (Cards Against Star Wars is AWESOME), did some karaoke and got an absolutely banging roast dinner today which was so so so so needed and definitely satisfied my vegetable cravings (one of the reasons I love roast dinners).

But best of all, I get to see my gorgeous big boy, Vincent Valentine Kadaj the 1st, well, Vincent or Vinnie for short. He's an old man now but he is so cuddly and massive and snuggly and just, OMG I can't help but sit with him for ages and give him loves and pets and scratches and listen to him purr and so on. He's a right dribbler of a cat as well, bless him but its worth it for the massive cuddles and head bops he gives you ❤️❤️❤️ I remember when he was a baby kitten, when I first got him, and I left him on the sofa when I went up to bed to sleep... and I came down in the night to check on him and he had disappeared behind the cushions and down the back of the sofa, so for a solid week, I slept with him downstairs! I love getting to see him when I can. He's a special lil old princely man. And makes me happy and calm and chill about things when he is around. I'd love to have him with me, but living in the countryside has been amazing for him so I would never take him away from that, but I love that when I do get to see him, he is nothing but cuddles, like he can remember me looking after him like a mama when he was a baby. 

I guess the only other thing I have to report is that I finally spoke to my doctors surgery about getting my medication changed for neuropathy and  am so glad that I rang them. I got a telephone appointment with my actual doctor which I was so relieved about (I love my doctors so much, like, they get me and know that I know what is wrong when I go in so the appointments are always quick and they seem to like I have done a masters in biomedical science too). It was a good chat and he listened which was amazing and is putting me back on Mirtazapine straight away because I clearly need it after my bad lack of sleep since coming off the medication as well as the fact my mental health is dipping quite badly at the moment. He's also giving me another medication for the neuropathy which I have heard better things about in comparison to Duloxitine so I am looking forward to trying them and hoping that I get less pain in my feet. I'll let you know next week how that all goes!!!

So, I think that is all for this week for now, so thank you all again for sticking around, reading, commenting, following and sharing! I'll get the diabetes message out there some day, I hope! I can't do it without any of you after all ❤️

[[0013]] Week 5 Overview

Can you believe that it's February already because I sure as heck still can't! Heck, I'm paid in less than three weeks and after the six weeks of no pay because Christmas and New Year... it's all going by so quick, what the actual hecking heck?!?!?

It's actually been a busy week but thankfully, it has given me some (what I am hoping) is quality content for next weeks blog posts! Gotta reach that 500 views and fingers crossed, make it up to 10 followers! (Seriously, how do people get blog followers, this is beyond me nowadays haha). Alas, I have been rather busy which is why I have not been able to post very much, but I will keep this post short and sweet about diabetes this week... as the overview should be!!!

So, mental health wise this week... things have been better, but that is a culmination of many things, mainly the fact that I went to London with the other half, saw Dir en Grey for the eighth time (and omg this is definitely one of my favourite shows from them, plus unexpected Kodou in the encore!!!) and then shopping round London and family times with the other half's family.

After last year, it was exactly what I needed as I haven't really had any proper time out from life for a while, and this is honestly what the doctor ordered. I had such an amazing time, alas my blood sugars say otherwise, but look out for a post next week to see my London gets, gig low down and excitement and dinosaur posts as honestly, you will never see me look happier!

So, my bloods this week have... not been great and I am actually unsure why other than I know I let go a little bit in London and sometimes its hard to find the carb content when you're having dinner out and trying to not hypo in a gig. 

My new night time meds (Toujeo) seem to be working okay but I'll know for certain over next week now that I am returning to my normal daily routine. SO fingers crossed it is working!  

I have noticed that when at work, my bloods seem to spike a lot after my breakfast, and I am not sure if that is because I am not doing enough insulin in the mornings or if work in the morning has been stressing me out. But it seems to be the same steady theme everyday that I am at work because by the evening, things tend to have settled down. I'm going to keep an eye on this though, but I don't expect it to change so the only thing I can really do is start doing extra medication and hope that it doesn't knock me out with a hypo before lunch.

I had a lot of problems with my blood sugars on Saturday and I am still not sure why. I ended up having to over insulin to try and get them down because they kept staying stupidly high. They have settled today mind you... and I am still trying to figure out what was causing the issues yesterday. I had considered anxiety because I haven't drunk alcohol for a while and even though I didn't drink silly (and alcohol is meant to lower blood sugars), it took all day and night to get my bloods somewhat reasonable. But this is why I don't think it was stress and anxiety because I had been alright mentally the whole time... the world is a mystery to be quite honest. Sometimes there are things even I do not understand. 

I guess the last little update is that I may finally be getting some new medication for my neuropathy next week, just am unsure when that decision will be made. I am expecting kidney tablets again either way so I think once those are through at the doctors, the new neuro meds will be to. I noticed yesterday that Duloxetine has finally been taken off my repeat prescription so something is definitely happening, I just don't know when. I just hope and pray that whatever I get means I can be out back on Mirtazapine again for my mental health and sleep and that whatever new tablet it is stops me feeling nausea and travel sickness all the damn time. 

So, diabetes wise, that is it for this week! But I'll be back with some fun posts next week so be sure to follow, share and so on and I will speak to you all soon 💙