[[0061]] For once in my life, my Mental Health is on point.

I actually have lost count of the days I have been "shielding" at home, which I can now say is exactly what I have been doing the entirety of this time away from the real world, ie, my lack of social life, seeing family and my job. But yes, I am actually shielding, especially from my job. I actually had a my assessment with Occy Health today which was daunting but the questions were better this time, and I did get moved from stage 1 to 2, but as I now know I can't wear PPE due to a breathing issue related to my kidneys which is STILL awaiting further investigation, I am still shielding from my job from here on out, so I am remaining stage 1 until I have at least seen renal. Which is a pressure off my mind with lock down releasing. But the diabetes and renal stuff is for another day.

However, I wanted to make this post about two things, which can be linked both together and apart.

Firstly, I'll be making some additions to my blog to show support for Pride and the LGBTQ+ community as it is Pride Month this June.

Secondly, mental health shizzle. Because yes, this is a diabetes and mental health related blog, however, mental health has been a crazy factor in my life, especially with my diabetes. 

So, for pride, I am adding some cute graphics I made for our streaming channel. I am bi myself, and I may not have had any kind of coming-out story as such, it kinda was like, just there (was told it would be a phase and that is probably the only bad thing I guess), I know it has not been so easy for many of my friends. So, if I can show my support with this blog, I can. This is the graphic I made for our overlays for our mixer channel, which we are gonna use for the whole month, so I am adding it to my block and it will sit here, forever. I'd like to think that my blog is a safe place, it's my safe place anyway because sometimes, I need to be able to just let off steam about my condition/s when I don't know where else to turn.

Anyway, as I said, I had no coming out story. I'm bi, that's that and bar being told it was a phase and proving peeps wrong, I just want peeps to know, that I am here and I am a safe place, if ever you need one!

But for the biggest matter at hand, and the name of this blog, it's time for the mental health low down. And honestly? My mental health is actually great. Which is funny when you think about it, and how I started this whole lock down, self-iso stuff... where I thought I was gonna feel lonely and that I would hate it and yes, at times, I have hated it, but... the last month or so, heck, 28 days since I wrote my last blog post, everything has been okay?

How do I know this?

1. I've been sleeping alright (considering the heat and the sudden random days I get nausea in the morning).
2. I'm managing my food quite well, and have just about managed to stick to 1500cals a day, thus, I have hardly been snacking, which is amazing. 
3. I have found ways to deal with my mental health, even if I found said things accidentally, but I feel great after well, the random ways I got to deal with things so that's a bonus. 
4. I don't feel the need to brighten my day with an advent calendar door each mornign anymore (sometimes, I forget to even open a door).
5. I'm finding things to do and keep me busy, thus only sitting down to do nothing if I am out of breath or tired cos of my conditions. 

There are probably some other things, I have no doubt. But, that's what I can think of at the moment... it's these things that are telling me that I am actually DOING OKAY. And considering my life has always been many shades of grey and an absolute mess, I can finally say I am realising a few things and slowly heading out on to a winner. 

I will admit, a lot of things have changed of late, namely, the live-streaming we do on mixer (Mixer Channel, Queen and McBooty. I think I have mentioned that I bought a chromebook on finance, mainly to do arts n stuff and even though it is a massive investment, it's paying off itself. In many ways. The main one being the fact I can do digital artwork now, which is awesome (after I have hated it for so long) but it's also helped us kick back into live-streaming games again, which is one of the main and massive reasons my mental health has improved.

It seems like a crazy little thing, just, talking. But talking to the game or people in the chat, knowing that someone, somewhere is listening, just makes me feel a lot less alone and vulnerable in my own head. Again, it's so silly, but I've streamed a few games now and the other half has been streaming a bit too, and we are slowly watching this small idea of live-streaming games, growing into something that could in a way, benefit me in the future. Okay, it's not the answer to our financial woes, but, if we continue to grow, it's an opportunity that one day, I can sit back once the pandemic is all over and maybe work less to help increase the control I have over the stress that seems to kill my diabetes. But, it's something.

And not only that, I am arting more, designing logos and chibis for streamers, I've designed our own graphics and overlays n stuff as well and I could continue to do this as I enjoy it quite a bit. It could be another stress free way to help deal with the stress that does bother my diabetes so much. 

It's all dreams, but they are dreams that could potentially become a reality some day. I mean, we have grown by 150 followers in a month, we've hit the ember goal last month and this month already, we have peeps tuning in to our streams regularly and merch is selling too (and damn, I love designing merch). It's a long way off, but I hope that me and the other half will be able to maybe one day reach the goal of partnership with mixer, maybe become affiliates with some big brands in the future too... I dunno, it's a long way off and bar waiting for a PhD with my fave supervisor or maybe doing a creative writing masters, I honestly feel like I have some things to look forward to in my life now, which is shocking considering the world is an absolute cock-womble of a mess right now.

I'm sure I'll ramble about our streaming escapades in the future, but I just wanted everyone to know I am actually okay!

Anyway, I'm still around, and I will go back to the diabetes posts and info shizzle soon! Have some plans for more art posts as well, so I can show you guys some stuff I have been working on (and I might set up a Fiverr account, who knows!) I'm hoping I hear back from JDRF soon too about social media shizzle plans. Either way... 

Stay safe everyone! 

[[0058]] Day 45 of Self-Isolation

Day 45 (I'm still not sure the end is in sight yet, yes the peak has gone but... I just don't know anymore)

Good afternoon everyone and welcome to the self-iso diaries of a Queenie who is actually feeling somewhat sane, praise be to Jeebus. Anyway, we are on day 45 now and half way through week 7 of being at home and honestly, I think I have adjusted okay... like I know I could be feeling worse and I am not, and for that, I am grateful!

It was the last day on my Harry Potter advent isolation calendar! And it was a good day as well, just look at the lovely bandanna I got! I'm not sure what to do with it, but I may find somewhere cool in the office to hang it as I love the design!

It is honestly such a lovely print and I think it is definitely one of my favourite items from the calendar. I love the socks and deathly hallows necklace and key chain too and the cute stationary items will have a lovely home in my Harry Potter pencil cases (plus finally, a decent sized pencil sharpener, wooo!). The socks are cute as well, really like those. And of course, I am a sucker for silicon wristbands so we all know I absolutely love them. 

But yeah, that is everything I got with the calendar! Honestly, one of my best buys. I have noticed that the one for this year is up for pre-order on Merchoid and I am very tempted to get it for Christmas this year. I've said it before, that my diabetes would be better off with a geeky and no chocolate calendar for Christmas and would also help to curve the mid-morning highs I get over Xmas as well, but we shall see!

As you may be aware, I bought the calendar to help give me a boost in the morning and give me something to look forward to each time I wake up to another day at home. And you know what, bar some tiny mishaps like running out of rizla for example, my mental health has actually been pretty okay. Like, I know for fact that it could have been really up-and-down, but it's been somewhat stable which is such a relief as it reflects in my blood sugars as well. So, all-in-all, I think the calendar was a success. If you can afford to do something like this while stuck at home, do try it, it's honestly worth it. Starting your day with something to be excited about is a great way to deal with the bad things going on at the moment, it has helped me a ton!

But alas, I still don't know how long I am going to be at home... and the calendar has run out? What do I do?

Well, I mentioned in my last blog post that I was going to buy another calendar and after scouting the internet on pay day, I found the one... last years Marvel 80th Anniversary Pop Vinyl calendar! It actually arrived yesterday which I was shocked about as it was sent second class signed for and I think was posted on the 29th... but yeah, it came yesterday and not on the 4th and damn, its a hench boy! 

Eeeeeee look at it!!! I am so excited to open my first door on it tomorrow! I think door 17 is Doctor Strange but I can't remember. Either way, there are some awesome mini pop figures in here and having a new one each morning for another 24 days is going to be so much fun! I might look in to getting one of those like storage shelf cabinet thingies for them, like what gran's put thimbles in, and like hang it up... but we shall see! 

Again, I do like the look of these calendars for Christmas but they are pricey, so I may just wait till sales to find them if I can. I know there was a Fortnite one and a Harry Potter Yule Ball one, which I might get the latter if I can find it cheap anywhere as it is quite cute in itself... but that is for another 24 days time! I have a new one to play with now and I am so so so fucking excited, you have no idea! I am actually already so happy to wake up tomorrow and all the other days, it's just awesome!!!

But yeah, I am open to any other mental health ideas! And happy to share some of mine as well! The advent calendar is one thing... but drawing is also helping me a lot as well and I have been doing it nearly every single day. So I do advise it, if you can! 

I'm also appreciating music a lot more now I have the time to as well. A lot of my fave bands have uploaded stuff to youtube or are livestreaming old lives over on youtube, which is awesome! I have watched most of MUCC's every Wednesday but I have also watched a coupld of Gackt lives and Buck Tick are showing stuff on Saturday as well! Diru did a live without an audience a few weeks ago as well. All of them have been awesome and it is so cool that they are doing this! The video for MUCC's new album is out too and I am honestly so excited to get the album when it's released, hopefully (fingers crossed). I do hope GazettE do something as well, or Hyde/Vamps but I am happy with what is available, it is so awesome! 

Other things that are helping me at the moment include Animal Crossing, seriously, it's so cute and just, I can't think of anyone who doesn't like it or play it daily. I know it keeps me chill as part of my morning routine. Which brings me on to another point... routine!!! OH man, this is so important, and I obviously miss work because it gives me routine, however, I have made my own new routine that I seem to be sticking to quite well. And I am trying to add more normal things into the routine, such as shower/bath and so on. The recent thing I have added to my routine is an hour or so work out using Just Dance Unlimited which is now an important part of my day as I figured I needed to do some kind of exercise now most of the house is sorted out. I haven't hugely gained weight since I have been at home but I have wanted to loose some for a while, so next to eating a but more healthier and now my daily exercise, I hope it contributes in some way! The other half has also ordered some scales for me too, so I can see how much I weigh once a week, see if what I am doing is helping me!

If I think of ought else, I'll be sure to post about it!

But, alas, I must go and do more art! Hoping me and the other half can live stream some more once all the graphics are complete and I am so damn excited! A streamer we know, Simply Corey, has asked for a chibi piece of her too... so fingers crossed I can finally do art commissions! 

Don't the graphics look fab on our Twitter? Haha I have loved making them and making everything match at long last! Definitely feel a lot more professional about the whole streaming thing which is awesome and I do hope that we can stream a lot of Fortnite for you this weekend!!! Watch this space, tune in to Mixer and follow it, Queen and McBooty!

Anyway, I have art to finish so... stay safe, stay home, be kind to one another and all that jazz!

Over and out, mes amigos.