[[0006]] A not-so-good day in the life of a diabetic

So, I should have posted on Wednesday, but honestly? Things have been an absolute mess on the diabetes scale of things so, now I am somewhat recovered (and waiting for a Jakey to get back from work), I figured it was a good time to write about a bad day in the life of being a type 1 diabetic. 

So, you may have seen my post on Monday about Hypo Hangovers after I had a hypo before work and then my bloods rocketed after. Well... let's just say that things got worse. 

I was very tired when I returned home, so had dinner and did my night time bloods and Lantus insulin (which as of about a week or so ago, I had lowered to 24 because I kept getting hypos in the morning). This was a good four hours after I had eaten so everything that happened after was definitely the result of the Lantus long acting insulin and not the one I do before my food. It got to 10pm when I ded my bloods, they were 6.4mmol/L so to be on the safe side, I drank some of my sugary drink and went up to bed to play on my switch till I fell asleep.

I didn't fall asleep though. Frustratingly, my mouth started to taste weirdly metallic and my lips and tongue felt funny, so I came to check my bloods... they were 3.1mmol/L! The sugar did nothing!!! I downed as much sugar as I could and my bloods eventually rose to 4.5mmol/L which seemed safe enough to go to bed and I got a small amount of sleep. My other half had to wake me up to check my bloods again, and they had reached 10.1mmol/L, a but high, but not too bad so I tried to sleep, but around 4.30am, I started stirring and tossing and turning and even after a wee (which normally solves the problem) I still couldn't settle. My alarm for work went off... and, my blood sugar was 2.9mmol/L.

I'm actually super lucky I work in a hospital with an amazing management team of whom I get on very well with, and I also think it helps that I have always been blunt and honest about my health to them. Jake had pre-warned them the night before that I had essentially had a two hour long hypo and we were struggling to get bloods up and stable. It had been discussed a while ago after another hypo incident on my way to work, that if I ever hypoed in the morning, to not come to work, which I did not do on Monday but on this Tuesday, I honestly had absolutely no choice. I couldn't go in and more so, since the Friday before... I had had about 5 hypos, maybe 6 (as I didn't blood test one of them). Again, I am lucky my management team at work are so understanding and respectful to me and my health condition, as they also allowed the other half to have the day off with me as well, so that he could keep an eye on any more hypos I may have (I am not the most logical whilst having a hypo) but to also make sure we could both tackle my food and meds and document everything throughout the day as we tried to get me back to some kind of normal. 

Honestly, I hate taking time off for my diabetes. I really do. I am meant to have this thing under control and stable and I honestly, just don't. It's always been a struggle. There have been many times I have hypoed before or during work and I have still gone to work or stayed at work... if I think about it, the only way I won't go to work if a hypo happens is when I have had little to no sleep, but... even then I don't listen to what is best for myself.

I know that Jake was very worried about me and its understandable, we haven't actually dealt with this amount of hypos together before and I know it can be scary, especially the beginning on Monday night when we couldn't get them up over that two hours. He did really well though and it makes me realise that I genuinely need him around as much as possible, even if it;'s just to check and make sure I am okay. It's made me think as well, if he wasn't around, how would I cope if I was living on my own? What would I do? Who would I turn to? And that actually terrifies me too. I don't think I could survive on my own anymore. 

Because Jake (and myself) were worried about me being on my own on my Wednesday day off, Jake asked my brother to come up and stay with me for the day, which was so lovely, I think he might come on some more Wednesday's I have off!!!  

He made the most amazing breakfast I had ever eaten, which was chocolate and salted caramel stuffed french toast and omg, it was heavenly. I misjudged my meds and didn't take enough but, it just felt good to not have to worry about having a hypo that whole entire day and thankfully, I didn't have one. Either way, my brother is an amazing cook so I'm def excited to see what other things he will make when he comes to visit!!!

I also struggle a lot when Jake is at work and I am home on my own, not health wise, but mentally, I think? Like, the house is too quiet, I don't know what to do, who to speak to or anything and I end up feeling weirdly lost and alone. SO having my brother over on the Wednesday was awesome, because it made the day go so much faster and meant Jake would be home sooner, even though he was coming back at the same normal time, it just felt quicker than last Wednesday which was a horrible, horrible Wednesday for me (which I think I mentioned in this post).

So after a good day... things kind of went down hill that night. I don't know what happened, I don't know why any of it happened... but I just did not sleep. I felt tired, I was exhausted, but I just couldn't settle down. I managed about 20minutes of sleep before Jake came up to bed, and after that, I slept on and off in ten minute bursts, but spent most the night awake. I had another hypo at 3am as well, which I made some toast and drank some sugar water to fix, but then I just lay in bed, wide awake and the mental health kicked in.

It was horrible, so so horrible. I haven't had issues with any kind of bad thoughts for a while but a mix of no sleep and hypo just made my brain churn out the worst possible things it could. Things had been somewhat okay on my new anti-depressant (a future blog post by the way, keep an eye out!) but I had been doubting them as an anti-depressant for a while, more so as they don't knock me out like my old meds used to and sleep helps my mental health a lot. SO lying there on Wednesday night/Thursday morning, with horrible things running through my head, did not help me with the rest of my day. Don't threat though, been speaking to amazing people at work and I should be back at counselling again soon, so watch this space. I also have a meeting with the diabetes team in just over a week and I will be begging for a medication change.

Because I could not sleep at all, I decided to just go to work because no point lying around and I already had one day off that week, I didn't want to lose another bank shift! I managed to survive until 4pm when I started having another hypo, so I was allowed to leave work. I got home, had dinner then went straight to bed and honestly, I needed that sleep as I felt a bit better today.

Touch wood, I have not had a hypo today and my blood sugar was good this morning, at 6.5mmol/L. 

It's given me a lot of questions and things to think about though. According to people I have spoken to online, I am having way too many hypos so I could be in the running for a constant glucose monitor, which I am actually interested in, alas I am unsure if I can get one. I also strongly believe that I need to come off Lantus as my long acting insulin, and be put on something called Tresiba, which my dietician told me about... supposedly less night time hypos so I'm praying I have enough evidence for my new consultant on the 28th January. I've also been given some pointers I am going to try when we have a bit more money, such as drinking a glass of milk before bed, to see if that stops me having a hypo in the morning.

Either way, I am praying that the worry is over for now and I can just enjoy my weekend, hypo free!!! I need a break dammit!!!