I still do not know where my health conditions of myself stand in all of what is going on right now...
Day 6(Things are starting to get a bit tougher here...)
Okay, so back again. With the daily diary of self-isolation.
The weekend was fine, I had someone to talk to, we live streamed games and all that jazz and things were just, very much alright. Which was nice (roll on Wednesday).
BUT... I can feel the headache I get when things just are not going right for me, and its been bugging me ALL day. I even took a good 3 hour nap after I woke up this morning to try and make it go away, alas, it is still there.
I've felt like this before and I do recognise the signs from previous experience of how stupid my mental health can be. And I know why it is starting to happen as well. It sounds absolutely pathetic and child-like and I get it as well, but it is honestly because my life and home comforts are running low. Seriously, it is because I can see the tobacco running out alongside the fact we have nothing fizzy in to drink, the squash will prob run out tomorrow, I am craving fresh vegetables (a roast dinner would be AMAZING right now), I have no crisps or snackos and my cats are still ignoring me. Again, they are all pretty much luxuries and it shouldn't get to me, but it really kicks my mental health as these are some of my go to items for when I am not feeling the best.
And it's seeping into my emotions as well. I did another live stream for PokemonGO today over on my mixer and the beginning went pretty well but towards the end, the camera froze on an unflattering angle and I tried to fix it whilst live and it would not fix like last time, and I would have had to have closed down completely and restart streamlabs which would have ended the live stream and forced me to start a second one and I just couldn't do it, I could feel the tears in my eyes cos it had gone to crap so quickly at the end and I think I might be a little put off from live streaming PoGO again. Especially as only 6 fire mons left yet it took ages to get the 9 I did get on the stream (over an hour) and that was already knocking my psych... either way... everything is starting to get to me and it really shouldn't. I will probably stream again just so I can talk but... unless I go out and get Pokeballs, I am really limited on what I can do and I only have a couple of days left to finish the Genesect research!!!
I also need to stop getting mad at the cats, I know they don't want to be round me when my head is mentally juggling everything at once and not giving me a break, so I need to stop taking it out on them.
(OMG my headache is so badddddddd)
Annoyingly, tidying up might help right now but we have no bin bags till Friday, if we can get to a shop that is open to get some, and like there is still so much tidying to do, but it will have to wait as I have nothing to put rubbish in!!!
I've felt like this before and I do recognise the signs from previous experience of how stupid my mental health can be. And I know why it is starting to happen as well. It sounds absolutely pathetic and child-like and I get it as well, but it is honestly because my life and home comforts are running low. Seriously, it is because I can see the tobacco running out alongside the fact we have nothing fizzy in to drink, the squash will prob run out tomorrow, I am craving fresh vegetables (a roast dinner would be AMAZING right now), I have no crisps or snackos and my cats are still ignoring me. Again, they are all pretty much luxuries and it shouldn't get to me, but it really kicks my mental health as these are some of my go to items for when I am not feeling the best.
And it's seeping into my emotions as well. I did another live stream for PokemonGO today over on my mixer and the beginning went pretty well but towards the end, the camera froze on an unflattering angle and I tried to fix it whilst live and it would not fix like last time, and I would have had to have closed down completely and restart streamlabs which would have ended the live stream and forced me to start a second one and I just couldn't do it, I could feel the tears in my eyes cos it had gone to crap so quickly at the end and I think I might be a little put off from live streaming PoGO again. Especially as only 6 fire mons left yet it took ages to get the 9 I did get on the stream (over an hour) and that was already knocking my psych... either way... everything is starting to get to me and it really shouldn't. I will probably stream again just so I can talk but... unless I go out and get Pokeballs, I am really limited on what I can do and I only have a couple of days left to finish the Genesect research!!!
I also need to stop getting mad at the cats, I know they don't want to be round me when my head is mentally juggling everything at once and not giving me a break, so I need to stop taking it out on them.
(OMG my headache is so badddddddd)
Annoyingly, tidying up might help right now but we have no bin bags till Friday, if we can get to a shop that is open to get some, and like there is still so much tidying to do, but it will have to wait as I have nothing to put rubbish in!!!
I think I am going to have to go out for a walk tonight or tomorrow, get moving or something, fresh air, I don't even know.
(I didn't do a mood sandwich, crap.)
Spoke to our neighbour over the river though, the awesome Sarah, and we are gonna do some social distancing cigarette breaks at hers (I stand by gate, she stands in the doorway) so I will get to see another human. We are gonna do some Facebook calls as well which we tried last night, was kind of fun and will hopefully help keep me somewhat sane.
I still don't have anything official about what I should be doing though. What with being type 1 which is not greatly controlled and heavily influenced by stress and depression, with a complication of |CKD 3B which makes it difficult to breathe. I need to know self-isolation is the right thing for me to be doing. I know social distancing is a thing that I am meant to be stringently doing however, I need the okay from a professional, because it is only a matter of time, I feel, that I will be called back in to work and have to go cos we need the money and just... OMG I am goin to cry again. I guess I can ring my doctors but they are dealing with a lot, the diabetes nurse said it was a good idea but wasn't up to her to say it was the thing to do... I just want to know where I stand when I am more than just being in the vulnerable group (two conditions that put me at high risk of severe illness) but then I am not in the extremely vulnerable that have to self-isolate. I guess I have till the end of the week to see if I get anything from my doctors though, either way, this is the only way I feel safe from the virus, I don't want to feel like I cannot breathe anymore then I currently am.
(I didn't do a mood sandwich, crap.)
Spoke to our neighbour over the river though, the awesome Sarah, and we are gonna do some social distancing cigarette breaks at hers (I stand by gate, she stands in the doorway) so I will get to see another human. We are gonna do some Facebook calls as well which we tried last night, was kind of fun and will hopefully help keep me somewhat sane.
I still don't have anything official about what I should be doing though. What with being type 1 which is not greatly controlled and heavily influenced by stress and depression, with a complication of |CKD 3B which makes it difficult to breathe. I need to know self-isolation is the right thing for me to be doing. I know social distancing is a thing that I am meant to be stringently doing however, I need the okay from a professional, because it is only a matter of time, I feel, that I will be called back in to work and have to go cos we need the money and just... OMG I am goin to cry again. I guess I can ring my doctors but they are dealing with a lot, the diabetes nurse said it was a good idea but wasn't up to her to say it was the thing to do... I just want to know where I stand when I am more than just being in the vulnerable group (two conditions that put me at high risk of severe illness) but then I am not in the extremely vulnerable that have to self-isolate. I guess I have till the end of the week to see if I get anything from my doctors though, either way, this is the only way I feel safe from the virus, I don't want to feel like I cannot breathe anymore then I currently am.
Nonetheless, I am not feeling the best at present. So I am going to play Animal Crossing and just pretend today and the following few days just are not happening. Roll on pay day, I am counting down the days.
Over and out, mes amigos.
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